


Who I Am

by Eydol



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Family, M/M, Mention of Adosou, Romance, Slice of Life, TW: Porn, tw: hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-10-31 07:51:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 44,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10894950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eydol/pseuds/Eydol
Summary: “You’re such a kind person, Rei.”“On the contrary, I am but an ordinary person. I can be as savage as kind, or crazy, or quiet, or strange. With the one I love, I’m doing everything to make him happy.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, let me tell you this story will have mentions of sex, with lime and lemon, with some vulgar words, so if you don't like it, please take care / don't read it (I can't force you to leave, anyway, so... I'm warning you). It's also angsty, so don't read if you dislike that ^^
> 
> It was supposed to be a drabble about Kaoru and his family, so don't ask me how it became a 40K Reikao monster. Even I don't know.
> 
> A big thank to @Fjeril who supported me through all the writing process, and even helped me when I was blocked. Thank you very much ♥
> 
> Sorry for my bad english, I'm still learning it but...|||orz
> 
> I have a lot of fun writing it, so I really hope you'll enjoy it as much as I ♪

            Kaoru hated to feel like a shit. Unfortunately for him, his father seemed to love it, and the blond swore to God that every moves the man did was on purpose. It was the main reason for Kaoru not to stay at home with him, and to come back really late. Or leaving the house earlier than usual, like that day.

            Sat on the school’s roof ground, he let his tears pouring on his cheeks. He was unable to keep them now and, because of that, would have to miss the morning classes at least. It was out of question for him to show his swollen eyes and his unusually sorrow. He took a deep breath but it didn’t stop his tears. Not that he wanted to stop them, anyway. It was better outside than inside, after all, and he shouldn’t be ashamed as he was all alone.

He was crying for a stupid thing that himself didn’t really understand; he knew that his father was homophobic, but why did it hurt him? And more than that, why did he answer back the man? He had no reason to do. Usually, he let him say and ignored him, yet, this time, he had answered.

 

_“Oh so, he’s gay. No wonder why he’s a criminal. Gay shouldn’t be tolerated. They’re abominations. They should be executed.”_

_“Do you realize you’re talking about humans?”_

_“Humans? They’re monsters!”_

_“Excuse me but you’re the monster! People have the right to love whoever they want.”_

_“Can you repeat what you said!? I won’t accept gay friends under my roof. Out, now! I don’t want to see you before tonight.”_

_“Good, because I don’t want to see you before that moment!”_

 

            And then he had left, without even taking his school bag, or even his scarf. Winter would begin soon, and the cold was already here. Kaoru was frozen and was surprised his tears weren’t. He sighed and looked at the sky blankly, trying not to think about his homophobic family, but it was difficult because his father’s statement kept repeating in loop. _“They’re abominations. They’re monsters. They should be executed.”_

“Really? They just want to love whoever they want…”

People could be happy loving the same gender as them. They just wanted to be free. That’s what his father and his brother failed to understand. He didn’t know for his sister, though. She never protested against their father’s words, and they never talked about it. He didn’t know her thoughts, but she probably agreed with them, unfortunately.

“I’m the useless member of the family, after all.” He said aloud. “I’m the disgrace, like Souma-kun would say.”

            It made him laugh. Kanzaki was right, he was a disgrace, at least for his family. He frowned. He was everything his father hated; if he had been gay, sure, the man would have thrown him away from the family. _Maybe should I make him believe I am? Nah, bad idea._ He was thinking about stupid things only because he felt bad.

“Ah, Hakaze-san?”

            Kaoru startled and wiped his tears before looking at the new people.

“Ah, Tanpopo-chan~ You finally come to see me, what a good day!”

            The girl looked at him with a jaded look.

“Were you crying?”

“Me, crying? Of course not! I just had something in my eyes~”

            _Liar_ , he added for himself. But he couldn’t show his weakness in front of the other students. He was the playboy of the school, he had a reputation to keep.

            Anzu frowned, then she sat beside him. Her scent was the one of strawberries, and it pleased Kaoru a lot. He liked strawberries. She took something in her bag, then, started to sew under Kaoru’s gaze.

“Don’t you have classes?” He asked.

“I could ask you the same thing.” She replied.

            Kaoru pulled a face and shrugged.

“I forgot my bag.”

“How could you?”

“Long story.”

“Can you not ask your classmates for pens and paper?”

“Nah~ It would be a bother for them.”

“They’re your friends, you know?”

“Friends?” He repeated. “I’m not interested by having friends amongst boys~”

“Yes, no homo, we all know.”

            Anzu sighed and Kaoru blinked. _No homo… I’ve never noticed I was like that. And I dared to scold my old man? I’m pathetic._ He almost wanted to cry once again, but Anzu being here, he tried his best to stop the tears already forming at the corners of his eyes. _Why am I like this…? Why can’t I be friend with guys?_ The reason was probably the education he got. How many time did he hear that he should find a girl and get married? How many time did he hear that gays were bad? _Maybe I was afraid dad thought I was gay… But I’m not. I’m more interested by girls, I shouldn’t be afraid to be friends with guys._ He had to put an effort for being friendlier to guys. It would be difficult but he would do his best.

            _With which one should I try…?_ UNDEAD’s members could be a good idea. Kanzaki and Shinkai too. He was already friendly with them, he thought, but maybe he wasn’t enough? He didn’t know. At least, he had to be with Souma, but he was afraid his junior would just try to kill him with his katana. Souma was probably the one with who he was the most annoying. He was always making fun of him, teasing him that he would probably try something with him if he had been a girl. _But it’s so cute when Souma-kyun is angry~ What a pity he isn’t a girl._ Did it mean that if Souma had been girl, he would have flirted with him? _Nah, it was just a way of speaking,_ he convinced himself.

            Beside him, Anzu put her things on her bag when she finished what she was doing. Kaoru tiled his head and, with a grin, said:

“So, you missed classes for that?”

“It was costumes for the next dreamfes,” she answered, “and at least, it’s a better reason than forgetting my bag.”

“Anzu-chan, you’re not funny~”

“Also,” she continued, ignoring his statement, “if you feel bad to the point of crying…”

“I didn’t cry.”

“... don’t forget that you can cry anytime. It’s not a shame. Everybody has these moments in life, it’s normal. And if crying isn’t enough then…”

            She stopped and seemed to think, before she leant towards him and kissed him on the cheek.

“... you can talk with the one you’re the closest. Friendship is also there for that.”

            And she stood up and left without letting him answer. He was agape. She really kissed him on the cheek? _If I had known I had to cry…_ He sighed. She was right: he should talk about his problems with someone, but he was afraid to be judged. Judged for what? He didn’t know, but a voice kept telling him it was bad to confess to anybody around, especially to boys. _Because if you talk about your problems to a boy, you’re gay,_ the voice said, and Kaoru shook his head. It was nonsense. So, if it really was the case, did it mean all Yumenosaki’s students were gay? Stupid.

            He rubbed his neck and softly smiled. He felt better after Anzu’s kind words.

 

* * *

 

 

            Going back home after that had been difficult and also annoying. For all evening long, his father, and also his brother, just kept repeating that gays were demons that should be slayed as soon as they were discovered. For all evening long, Kaoru stopped himself from answering, and so did his sister who was strangely quiet.

            And now, in the next morning, Kaoru was repeating in loop what he had to do that day: thanking Anzu, going to UNDEAD’s practice, and then, going to the club. Being friendlier with his classmates, bandmates, and clubmates. It shouldn’t be difficult. If they all could, why not him? He totally could do it!

            Once ready, he took his bag and opened the door of his room, and stopped when he noticed his sister was about to knock.

“Is there a problem, big sis?” He asked.

“Ah, sorry to bother you, Kaoru-chan. Can you help me choosing my clothes for my omiai, please?”

“Again?”

“The last one didn’t go that well.” She explained.

Kaoru sighed. How many omiai would his sister did before finding a husband? That was a wonder. Actually, he wondered why Kotone did these stupid omiai, until he remembered they had the same father who wanted them to get married quickly. His sister was still at the university, yet, the old man already wanted to get rid of her (or rather, he wanted her to be married to a rich family).

“Please…?”

“Fine.” He sighed, putting his bag back in his room.

“It will be the last time. It’s a promise.”

“You think this time will be the good one?” He asked while following her in her room.

“No.” She answered. “But…” She stopped, frowned, and asked: “Should I put a dress or a skirt?”

            Kaoru arched an eyebrow but said nothing about the fact that his sister didn’t finish her sentence. Then he looked at his sister’s clothes and rubbed his neck.

“I like the dress more.” He confessed, pointing out the blue dress. “You could wear it with this white jacket.”

“Hm… Sure? What about the skirt?”

“The skirt…” He repeated. “It looks more for an interview than for a date or an omiai.”

“I see…” She seemed pensive for a moment and said:

“When is your omiai, by the way?”

“This afternoon.” The answer was. “Thank you, Kaoru-chan. You saved me.”

“You’re welcome.” He shrugged.

            He wasn’t happy to help his father getting his sister married, but she didn’t seem to mind it, actually.

“Also, can I ask you something more...personal…?”

“Huh? Sure.”

            Why was Kotone so shy suddenly? She seemed a little bit stressed and that worried him.

“Do you share… Dad and Joji’s opinion about gay people…?”

            Kaoru blinked. What? Was it a trap? He rubbed his neck, nervous. Should he tell her? She had never said what she thought about that, so it was double or nothing with his answer… He sighed and finally decided to be honest.

“No.” Kaoru answered softly. “I don’t share their opinion. I think gay people are like everyone. They just like people of the same sex, and we shouldn’t stop them.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

            Kotone seemed suddenly relieved and a smile appeared on her lips. Then she stood up and took him in an embrace, whispering:

“Thank you, Kaoru-chan. You don’t know how much I love you.”

“Well hm… Yeah, I love you too.”

            Kaoru didn’t know what was happening but his sister suddenly felt the urge to tell him that she loved him was a thing he really needed. Because sometimes, he doubted to be loved by even a member of their family. She then looked at him with a happy smile and, putting his blond bangs behind his ears - he hated that and she knew it ! - she asked:

“You know the café near my university?”

“The one with the pink front window?”

“Yes. Meet me in front of it around 2:30pm, please.”

“Big sis, do you remember that I have school?”

“Oh, you can miss it for once.”

            _Yeah, for once…_ , he repeated in his mind. He already missed the morning before, and was already late for this day. Good, really good. His new start was going well.

“Please…!” She begged. “I would like to… show you someo-thing.”

            She tripped over the ‘something’, he noticed but it was probably because she was all nervous about the omiai.

“Fine, I’ll be here.” He accepted. “Should I be worried, though?”

“No!”

            She had a big smile on her lips and he could only believe her.

“Fine.” He repeated. “See you at 2:30pm, then. I really have to go. I want to be there for the morning classes, at least.”

            Kotone nodded and let him go, a smile still on her lips. And so Kaoru left the house, wondering what was happening with his sister.

 

 

           Kaoru barely had time to talk with his classmates this morning, and it annoyed him, but he promised to really do it the next day, when any of his siblings wouldn’t ask him to meet him somewhere in town. He was sure Joji wouldn’t, at least, and Kotone had a test by the end of the week and had to work for it. When he left the school during the noon, it felt as if he was a thief. The teachers would be angry against him, but he would find a good excuse to save his ass.

            He walked towards the café where he had rendezvous with his sister, and waited patiently in front of it. He felt as if he was waiting for his date and he almost thought a girl he knew would suddenly arrive in front of him ; unfortunately for him, only Kotone appeared, in her blue dress, a big smile on her lips.

“I’m sorry, I’m late.” She apologized. “I went back home to change my clothes.”

“Change your clothes?” He repeated. “Didn’t you have your omiai before our rendezvous?”

“I did.” Kotone answered. “But I put the skirt.”

“But I thought…”

“The dress is for… someone else.”

“You already have someone?” He frowned, not sure to understand.

“Yes. And I would like to present her to you.”

            She didn’t move, though, and so did Kaoru. He stared at her and blinked. Did he hear her well?

“Her…?”

“Yes, her.”

            She smiled, but it was more a scared smile than a true one, and Kaoru noticed that maybe she was expecting him to be angry. No wonder why she asked what he thought about gays people, now.

“I see. Let’s go meet her, then.”

            Kotone seemed relieved and she took his arm before entering the café. It wasn’t the kind of café Kaoru would like to go, not alone at least. It was more for a date, and yet, even for that, he would definitely choose another place. Kotone sat on a table and offered Kaoru to also do it. He obeyed, wondering if they would have to wait for long before his sister’s girlfriend arrives. It was really strange to think “his sister’s girlfriend”, because he had never imagined his sister would have a girlfriend. It doesn’t bother Kaoru that his sister had a girlfriend. To be honest, if she was happy like that, then he was happy for her; but he was afraid of their father and brother’s reactions. His sister was smart enough not to talk about it in front of them, but there would be a day when she had to tell them, right? Her omiai were getting nowhere, his father would suspect something.

            Suddenly, a waitress arrived and asked them what they wanted. Kaoru didn’t know why but the woman seemed angry, against him strangely enough, and he wondered why because he didn’t remember having done something bad. Right?

“Ah, Juri, we were waiting for you~” Kotone stated in a sing-song voice.

            It was the first time Kaoru saw his sister so happy.

“You were waiting for me?” The waitress frowned.

“Yes. Let me introduce you my little brother, Kaoru. Kaoru, she’s Juri…” Kotone looked around and whispered “my girlfriend.”

            Oh, so this waitress was Kotone’s girlfriend. Kaoru was surprised, especially because he didn’t think that it was his sister’s type of girls. It was a proof he didn’t know her _that_ much, after all. Juri was a tall girl, with long hair with some rainbow locks tied in a tail that fell on her left shoulder, and there were piercings on both her ears. Definitely not what Kaoru expected from his sister.

“Nice to meet you.” He said.

“So, you’re her little teddy bear.” Juri smiled.

“Her _what_?”

“Ju-Juri, don’t say nothing more!”

“Her teddy bear.” Juri repeated with a grin. “Aaah, if you knew my Kaoru-chan~” She continued, imitating Kotone. “My little brother is like a little bear. He’s my little teddy bear~ I love him so much!”

“Juri, stop that!”

            Kotone was red as a tomato and so did Kaoru. He was his sister’s little teddy bear, huh? Maybe this little teddy bear should ask her for things, just to annoy her, like he had done when they were children. Juri laughed and Kaoru couldn’t help but follow her, while Kotone pouted. He barely knew this Juri but he already liked her. She seemed to be the type of girls teasing people, especially the one she was close to, and wasn’t afraid to do it no matter the moment.

            The waitress finally took their order and Kaoru turned towards his sister with a grin on his lips.

“Your teddy bear?”

“Shut up.” She pouted. “You’re not a teddy bear. You’re a demon.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault!”

“Hmf.”

            He laughed once again.

“So, since when are you with her?”

“Hm… A year.”

“A year.” He parroted. “Wait, your omiai started a year ago, right?”

“Yeah…” Kotone sighed. “Actually, it was a bother, and I didn’t want to stay with the man,” she explained, “but no matter what I said, he still wanted to discuss with me. So, I… Sent a text to Juri and she came, making believe him she was my girlfriend.”

            Kaoru blinked.

“I thought he would be really angry but I had a lot of chance, because he was bisexual and it made him smile to know that I accepted my sexuality.” She explained. “I didn’t know I prefered girls and… long stories short, Juri helped me to deal with my problems, and now we’re here.”

“I see. I’m sorry I noticed nothing.”

“It’s okay. I thought you shared dad and Joji’s opinion so I didn’t really mind it.”

            Of course, she would think something like that. After all, he had done nothing to refute that.

“What are you going to do? I mean… About father and your omiai.”

“I don’t know yet.” She looked away.

“I offered her to run away, but she refused it.” Juri said once she came back, putting their orders on the table.

“Why?” Kaoru asked.

“Because I don’t want to let you alone with dad and Joji.”

“Hold on. Don’t destroy your happiness just because of me. I can deal with the old man and bro.”

“Kotone, I love your teddy bear~”

“Juri!”

            Juri pulled a face and patted her girlfriend, before going back to her work as if nothing happened in the last few seconds.

“I’m serious, big sis.” Kaoru continued.

“And I am too. It’s out of questions that I let you alone with them.”

            And, with that, she took a bit of her choco cake and said that the conversation was over. Kaoru pouted but tried to find any idea in his mind, to help his sister. He couldn’t let her spoil her happiness just for him. He didn’t want to be the reason of her sadness. He loved his sister more than anything, and if she was happier far away from their family, then she should leave. He would understand.

“Maybe…” He started, not sure how to handle this. “Maybe I should leave the house.”

“Excuse me?”

“If I leave the house…” He took a bit of his cake. “If I leave the house, you’ll be able to leave too, and live like you want. No more stupid omiai. You can also live with Juri, and I’ll pay you a visit once a week!”

“Only once a week? Not enough.”

“Twice?” She pouted. “Thrice, then? I can’t more!”

            She laughed during two minutes, before getting back her serious face and looking straight into Kaoru’s eyes. He made himself little as if he was a child being scolded by his mother, but only a soft tone came from Kotone’s voice.

“And where are you going to live, if you leave dad’s house?”

            Kaoru opened his mouth but no words came out. He didn’t have an answer to the question, and it seemed his sister had found the weakness in his offer.

“You can’t leave the house without somewhere else to live. You’re still in high school, so you can’t live alone.”

“Why not? Some can!”

“Oh, really? Who?”

            He was about to talk about Yamahara - or was it Kagehara? - but he remembered that the second-year student lived at Itsuki’s house.

“See? You don’t even have an example.”

“But…!”

“I’ll stay at dad till you graduate from high school.”

“But he will organize omiai for you again!”

“I know. I can go through it.”

“What about Juri?”

            Kotone glanced at her girlfriend working before saying:

“She understands. Don’t worry for us.”

            Kaoru pouted. It bothered him but he had no more idea for now. His sister was cursed to live with their father at least till Kaoru graduated from Yumenosaki. The girl took his hand and, with a soft smile, she said:

“Thank you, Kaoru-chan.”

            _How can you smile and thank me when I make you suffer for nothing, big sis?_ He didn’t ask her, though, but a voice in his head told him he truly was a disgrace.

 

 

“So, how was the omiai?”

            It was the first thing their father asked when he came back from work. _Saying “hello” is too difficult for you?_ Kaoru thought, angrily, and he put his plate a little bit too hard on the table.

“Could you take care of what you’re doing!? This plate is older than you!”

“Hello to you too!” The words escaped of his mouth without him wanting it, and he knew he was goner.

            His father stared at him, and his face was becoming red; redder than a tomato; and he came closer to his son, raising his hand…

“It was a disappointment once again.” Kotone suddenly said from the kitchen. “He didn’t meet my expectations.”

            The man stopped what he was doing before saying:

“Which expectations?”

“He’s poorer than us! No way I’m going to marry this man!”

            Their father seemed angry about that and started to curse all those “poor men who just wanted more money but no way he was going to give money to a lazy ass”, and forgot his youngest son. When Kotone came from the kitchen, she gave a sidelong look to Kaoru where he could read “and you want me to leave?”.  And he felt bad for that, because he understood why his sister stayed; she stayed for him, to protect him from their father, especially when Kaoru wasn’t able to shut his mouth. They continued to talk about the omiai during dinner, and Kaoru didn’t listen, because the more he did, the more he wanted to tell his father to fuck himself with these omiai, and sure, it wasn’t a good idea at all.

            So, he got lost in his thoughts, trying to find a solution for his sister. If she couldn’t leave because of him, what could he do? Being gentler with his father? No way. He didn’t want to let the old man dominate him as if he was a common thing that he could get rid of. _Hey, if he gets rid of me, Kotone will be able to leave with Juri._ Still, it was a bad idea. _There is a way. There must have a way!_ He didn’t want his sister to suffer more, to fake a smile why talking about the omiai and the men who wanted to marry with her. He wanted her to be free. _If I wasn’t born, she would have been able to leave…_ He clenched his fists. He couldn’t believe he had thought that!

“Kaoru Hakaze!”

            His father’s voice startled him and his chopsticks fell on his plate. He turned his face towards the man who seemed angry against him, as usual.

“Stop dreaming when we’re talking about important things!”

            _Important things? Destroying Kotone’s life is important? Oh well, I guess destroying all your children’s life is important for you._ He did his best not to tell him, though, because he was sure this time, Kotone wouldn’t be able to save him. _I should stop bothering her, to begin with._

“So…” His father continued. “After you’ll graduate, you’ll have two choices.”

            Kaoru frowned. Two choices? What did he mean?

“Either you go to the university, or you start omiai.”

“ _Excuse me_? What if I want to continue in the idols industry!?”

            Actually, Kaoru didn’t know at all if he wanted to continue, or to change. He was still thinking about it, but if his father chose for him, then he would do the contrary of what the man wanted.

“There’s no way one of my children becomes an idol fag.”

“An idol...fag?” Kaoru repeated. “Are you saying that I’m gay?”

“I start wondering. I hope for you you’re not, my boy.” He warned. “Anyway, from next year, you’ll go to the university or omiai.”

            Kaoru stood up, quickly as anger ran his body, and stared at his father with such a bad look that the man also stood up and pointed him out:

“You! Sit down!”

“No! I refuse to do what _you_ want!”

“I’m your father!”

“My father!?” Kaoru laughed. “If you truly were, you wouldn’t care of what I am, or what I would want to do!”

“You’re under my roof!”

“Unfortunately, yes!”

            And, without any word, he went in his room before his father try to slap him, or worse if he paid attention how the man was angry. But the son didn’t care and locked himself in his room where he finally lied on his bed and started crying. _When will it stop?_ He thought. _I just want to leave this crazy family. I want Kotone to be happy; I want to be happy. Mom… Why did you leave…_ He heard his father scream in all the apartment, saying that “if this boy didn’t correct this attitude of his, he would give him one hell of a beating”, but Kaoru didn’t care much. He did decide to stay in his room for the rest of the evening, though. He didn’t even want to contact a girl, as he usually did. He didn’t want to show this face of him. _I’ll feel better tomorrow._


	2. Chapter 2

           Kaoru didn’t feel better at all. When he woke up and opened his shutter, he noticed the white coat on the edge. He hated snow; he hated it so much that he opened the window and got rid of the cold snow. _The day begins badly,_ he thought, closing the window. The snow, plus his father, wouldn’t help his mood to get better. He sighed and went to the bathroom where he took a quick shower, before going back to his room, and preparing his bag for school. This time, nobody would bother him and he would go to practice and the club, no matter what! But before that, he had to take his breakfast, and it meant facing his dear father. _Okay, everything is fine. I’ll survive it._ Or not, but if he showed his weaknesses, sure his old man would take advantage of it.

            He went out of his room, his bag on his shoulders in case he argued with the man, and went to the dinner room. His breakfast was already on the table but strangely enough, his progenitor wasn’t there. He frowned and let his bag fall on the ground. His sister came from the kitchen and stopped when she saw him. Kaoru avoided her look and sat in front of his breakfast and, while he was eating his rice, he felt two arms around his stomach.

“Don’t play his game, teddy bear. That’s what he wants.”

            Her voice was soft and he wondered how she could stayed so calm the evening before and now, when their own father said it was bad to be a ‘fag’.

“I don’t want to follow his order. It’s out of question that I-”

“I know.” She sighed. “I also dislike that. But until your graduation, keep your great work~”

“Hmf. My great work. Nobody come to the dreamfes, anyway.”

“Oh, that’s mean! I always come!”

“ _What!?_ Seriously?”

“I always come with Juri. She’s a big fan of Akatsuki.”

“No wonder. They’re really popular.”

“And she really like the younger one… What’s her name already?”

“Kanzaki?”

“Kanzaki, yes!” She confirmed. “She always says that she wants to adopt him.”

            Kotone laughed and Kaoru blinked. He suddenly imagined Souma being part of his family, adopted by his sister and Juri.

“Of course,” Kotone continued, “none of dad and Joji know that I come to see you. They think I study at some friend’s house.”

“Ah! So that’s why you always have an exam the day after my concerts!?”

            She laughed and patted his head, before telling him that their father wouldn’t come back before the end of the week, fortunately for them, and to hurry or he would be late for school, something he couldn’t afford now that he missed it the day before. So he hurried eating his breakfast and left for school.

            When he arrived in front of Yumenosaki, he stopped and stared at the building. In some months, he would have leave the place… It already saddened him, strangely enough, and his father’s words kept repeating in his mind. This, more the fact that it was still snowing… _Mom…_ He really hated this day. He hoped Spring would come soon and, at the same time, he didn’t want it.

“Hakaze-senpai?”

            Kaoru turned his head towards his bandmates who looked at him with big inquiring eyes.

“Oh, hello Adonis-kun~”

“Hello.” Adonis answered back. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, of course!”

“So why are you standing in the middle of the way, distressed?”

“Wow, you know the word distressed in japanese, Adonis-kun?” Kaoru tried to change the subject.

            And it was true, and Kaoru wondered how it was possible; Adonis’ japanese was already really good when he entered the school, and now he was sure the young man talked japanese better than Japanese themselves.

“Kanzaki taught me!”

            Adonis seemed really proud about that, and happy. And Kaoru swore that his bandmate’s cheeks were red, but he didn’t ask about it.

“I’m so envious, Adonis-kun~ Souma-kyun hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you, I think.” Adonis started to walk, and Kaoru followed him. “It’s more your… behavior.”

“My behavior?”

“Always talking about girls, and…” Adonis stopped his sentence, and Kaoru frowned.

“And…?”

            Adonis looked suddenly like a scared child and the blond wondered why.

“Adonis-kun?”

“The way you always talk, it always looks like you’re saying you’re not homo and that we’re all and… Well… It’s a little bit...offensive? Maybe? I don’t know for the other, but… I feel it’s something really bad for you, and I think Kanzaki-kun feels the same way? I’m not sure, though.”

“Oh.”

            Kaoru thought about it. He knew his behavior had been wrong, thanks to Anzu, but hearing it from none other than Adonis - who barely talked to begin with - showed him how cruel he could have been in the past years.

“I’m sorry. It’s wasn’t my intention.”

“I’m sure of that.” Adonis smiled.

“I’m not against homo and all, you know? On the contrary, they all have the same right.”

 _I don’t care of what my father says!_ Adonis nodded to his statement, and it relieved Kaoru.

“By the way, is there practice this evening?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll come, then.”

It surprised Adonis, and Kaoru knew why. He, coming to practice? It was a miracle.  

“Sakuma-senpai will be happy about that.”

            Sure. He would make him practice twice or thrice harder than the two others, but he wouldn’t complain about it. After all, he had had going to practices before that day, but he hated that, and now he would have to pay the price. He wasn’t that worried, though, because he knew himself really well, and he knew that he would stop going to practice as soon as possible.

            When they had to separate to go to their respective classes, they waved and Kaoru went to his seat. He was his History book when someone called his name.

“Yes, Moricchi?”

“Do you have problem?”

“Huh, what?”

            Chiaki stood in front of his desk and, arms folded, stated:

“You disappeared, yesterday.”

“Oh, that…” Kaoru rubbed his neck. “Err… I had something important to do.” Chiaki frowned. “My sister told me to come urgently.” Kaoru lied.

“So something really bad happened!?”

“What? Wait--”

“If you need help, I’m here! It would be bad of me not to help a friend!”

“Well huh… Thanks. I’ll think about it.”

            His classmate seemed satisfied and he patted his shoulder before going back to his place just behind the blond boy. Soon enough, the other members entered the room and Kaoru almost got frozen by Keito’s look. _Mayday, mayday…! I don’t want to die now…!_ But fortunately for him, Eichi entered the room and greeted them. Keito startled and turned towards him, before asking what he was doing here in such a state. Eichi only smiled and answered softly that he didn’t know what he meant, and sat at his desk. Deep inside, Kaoru thanked Tenshouin who saved him against his own will. He hoped that Keito would forget him now that he was annoyed by Eichi’s sudden return.

            The teacher finally came and the lesson started. It was a boring history lesson, and so he started to draw inside his notebook rather than taking notes. He knew it wasn’t a good idea, but he could ask one of his classmates for their notes. Chiaki, for example. He would also ask Izumi, but was afraid to get a ‘no’.

            When it was lunch time, Kaoru noticed that he had forgot his bento and cursed himself. He sighed and took his wallet: the school cafeteria would be a good alternative. It wouldn’t kill, for once. Or he could ask girls… He glanced at the window. It was still snowing, there was no way he was going outside that day. It was already a miracle he went to school with this weather. He sighed and went to the cafeteria where he bought two curry pans, and sat alone at a table.

            He took a bit of his curry pan, and was glad it was hot because it felt really good to eat something that warm when it was cold like that. _I want to eat Katsudon…,_ he thought. That evening, their father wasn’t there, and Kotone and Joji wouldn’t come back before late. He had time to cook katsudon for the three of them (he wanted to do it only for Kotone and himself, but Joji would dislike it). _I don’t know if we have the ingredients, though. It means I’ll have to go outside once again if we don’t._ He already was sick at this mere thought.

“Bubble, bubble~”

            Kaoru raised his eyes and stared at Kanata, who had a bentô in his hands, and looked at him with his usual happy big smile.

“Oh, hello Kanata-kun.”

“Hello Kaoru. Can I sit here?”

“Yes, of course, even if…”

            _...I would rather prefer eating with a girl,_ he added for himself. _No sense. I have to learn and accept there is nothing bad to talk and eat with boys. Kanata is my friend!_

“Even if…?” Kanata asked, sitting in front of him and opening his bentô.

            Fishes, of course.

“Nothing, it was something stupid.”

“Bubble bubble~”

            Kanata didn’t ask more, and it was a relief for Kaoru who didn’t want to explain it at all. He should pay attention more now that he wanted to be friendlier with his comrades, not giving them the feeling that they were “gay” with his “no homo” nonsense. _It will be difficult, but I will do my best!_ At least, he was trying, and he knew it would be easier little by little.

“It’s snowing a lot.” Kanata suddenly said before eating a bit of his fish.

“Yeah… I hope it would disappear for tomorrow.”

            He had the right to dream. Given how it was right now, the next day would also be white.

“You don’t like the ‘snow’?”

“I hate it.”

“Me too.”

“Oh, why?”

“Because of the ‘snow’, I can’t go to the ‘sea’.” The answer was and Kaoru shook his head.

            He should have expected it.

“And you, Kaoru? Why do you hate it?”

            Kaoru opened his mouth but no sounds came from it. He looked away. Why did he hate it…? The memories of that day came back, and it almost made him throw up. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to _remember_ it, even if it was carved in his mind.

“I’m… sorry. I can’t talk about it.”

“It’s okay, I won’t force you.”

            Kaoru smiled and thanked his friend. They continued to talk while eating, and when it was time to go back in class, they continued to talk together on their way. Kaoru told Kanata that, except if Rei killed him with the practice, he would come to the club, and it made his friend happy.

            The afternoon lessons were more longer than the morning’s, and Kaoru was less attentive. Outside, the snow finally stopped falling, for his relief, and he started praying that it would disappear by tomorrow morning. He was sorry for the ones who enjoyed it, but really, snow wasn’t his cup of tea for ten long years now and, really, if he could just make it disappear with a click of his fingers, he would be the man the happiest in the world.

            When the lessons were finally over - and he thought it would never - Kaoru hurried up and met UNDEAD’s members in the practice room. From all the three other, only Koga seemed surprised to see him. Rei wasn’t. Kanata probably told him, or he met Adonis.

“Kaoru-kun, you finally decided to be serious~” Rei stated with a soft smile.

“Hakaze...” Koga scolded. “... - senpai,” he added, “it was time you came. We have a dreamfest soon.”

“Do we?”

“It just had been decided.” Rei confirmed. “It’s against Ryuseitai.”

“Eh, seriously? We need to practice a lot.”

“That’s why I - no, we - expect you to come _every_ evening.”

            _Crap._ He won’t be able to avoid it now. The dreamfest would give him enough motivation to practice, though. He would avoid it after the concert. _I know someone who will be happy. I hope._

            Rei clapped his hands and they all put their practices clothes. And then, it started. They practiced their song, but especially their dance, because they weren’t that much synchronized. Sure, it wasn’t a bad thing in their case, but this time, Rei wanted them to be perfect. After all, they were against Ryuseitai and, as much as it always surprised Kaoru, they were pretty famous. And they practiced for two long hours. In the end, Kaoru fell on the ground, trying to catch his breath, just beside Adonis and Koga. Rei, he, was still standing; but not in a better state.

“Okay, fine. Let’s call it a day.”

            They all nodded and sighed of relief. It made Rei chuckled, and, talking about the dreamfes, they changed their clothes back to their uniform. When Koga, Adonis, and Kaoru left the room and walked towards the exit of the building, they were surprised to notice that Rei followed them.

“Are you skipping your club activities, Sakuma-san?” Kaoru asked with a grin.

            For once, it wasn’t him!

“No.” The answer was. “But I would like to see Kanata-kun~ What a good way to keep motivation when teasing your opponent~”

            Kaoru frowned. Sometimes (often), the so-called vampire was strange. They left the building and their feet sank in the white snow. Kaoru pulled a face. He already wanted to go back home and lie in bed instead of staying outside for the next hours.

“So, you come tomorrow too, Hakaze-senpai?” Adonis asked.

“Of course. We have a dreamfes, after all.”

“So, it means that after the dreamfes, you won’t come anymore.” Rei noticed.

            _Whoops._

“Well, I…” Kaoru started, but his sentence was cut by Koga’s sentence.

“Of course, he will come! If he doesn’t, I’ll cut this head of his!”

“Haha, you look like Souma-kyun, Corgi~”

“Don’t cut his head. Don’t stain the snow with his blood, please.” Rei laughed.

 _Blood… On the snow…? Blood on the snow…_ Kaoru didn’t hear what Koga answered, nor what Adonis said. He could only hear their voices as if they were far away. _Blood on the snow._ Memories stabbed him right in the face, and he saw flashes of his past, things he wanted to forget but would never be able to. Things that always haunted him in his nightmares, that he didn’t even talk with his family, scared of his father’s reaction. His stomach turned over and he suddenly wanted to throw up, while tears formed at the corner of his eyes.

“Kaoru-kun, are you alright?”

            He came back to reality when Rei put his hand on his shoulders, and he raised his eyes towards his bandmate, distressed.

“I… I’m sorry, I have to go back home…”

“Kaoru-kun?”

“Hakaze-senpai? You’re pale. Do you want to go to the infirmary?”

“I have to go.” Kaoru repeated. “Tell Kanata-kun I can’t come, in the end.”

            And, without any word, he left. He heard Koga call him, but he didn’t answer, and he ran. He ran away from his friends, the school, the snow, his memories. He ran with tears on his cheeks. He ran as if Death was about to cut him. He ran until he reached home (paying attention to the road, though) and, once there, he locked himself in his room and sat on the ground, his two arms surrounding his legs. His body was shaking and he couldn’t stop his tears. Not that he wanted to. He cried until there were no more water in his eyes, and he took a deep breath. _It’s okay. It’s over, now. Everything is over._ He glanced at the picture standing on his desk and bit his lips. Over. Everything was over.

 

 

“I’m back~”

“Welcome back, big sis! The dinner is soon ready.”

“Eh, you cook? What?”

“Katsudon.”

“Aaaah, I wanted Katsudon! Did you read in my mind!”

            Kaoru laughed and finished his cooking. He then put everything in three plates - a cellophane wrapped one went to the microwaves, waiting for Joji - and the young man went to the dining room with it. When the plates were finally on the table, he called Kotone and the girl came quickly.

“Wow, are you so hungry?”

“Always for Katsudon~”

            Kaoru rolled his eyes, and Kotone patted his head before sitting in front of him and saying a long “itadakimasu” who made him smile. He loved when Kotone was so happy. When she smiled, it reminded him their mother. He lowered his eyes. He shouldn’t think about their mother now that he was calm, but he couldn’t help.

“How was your day, Kaoru-chan?”

“Fine.” He answered, maybe too much because his sister frowned. “I’ve practiced a lot because we need to be prepared for the dreamfes.”

“The dreamfes? You have a dreamfes? Why didn’t you tell me before!?”

“Because I learnt it only today?”

“Oh.” She said. “Only today, huh…? Should I guess that you didn’t go to practices before today?”

            Whoops. He pulled a face and she sighed.

“Anyway. When is it?”

“I… Don’t know. Soon. Surely in two weeks, or next month. I’ll ask.”

“Against who?”

“Ryuuseitai.”

“Eeeh, so you’ll fight against Shinkai-kun~”

“Don’t tell me you’re also a Ryuuseitai’s fan?”

“Nah, but I have a friend who is.”

“How many friends of yours know about Yumenosaki’s idols?”

“Let’s say that I…” She stopped and smiled. “...I told them my little teddy bear was aiming to be an idol.”

“You’re serious!?”

“A lot of them are your fans.” She laughed. “It makes me jealous. I’m your best fan.”

            Kaoru blinked and smiled awkwardly. He couldn’t believe his sister told everyone about his studies. He didn’t know if he had to be proud or scared. They finished their plates, talking about normal things; Kaoru asked a lot of questions about Kotone’s studies, because they barely talked about it when the other members of their family were here. A new proof that they didn’t care about if it wasn’t about them.

            When they cleaned the dishes, Joji came back home and took his plate without even saying a word. Kaoru didn’t pay attention and went to his room, where he lied on his bed. He had closed the window hours ago now, to be sure not to see his big problem. He sighed and then took his phone and noticed he had texts from UNDEAD’s members. _Whoops._ He answered that he was fine and that everything was alright; he just remembered something really important he had to do, did he say. Of course, he knew they wouldn’t believe him, but he hoped they would understand he didn’t want to talk about it. He then put his phone on his bedside table and closed his eyes, trying not to think about this day, spoiled by past events.

He didn’t predict he would fall asleep all dressed. He also didn’t predict to be late. He hurried, took a quick shower, and left the house once ready, without taking his breakfast, and also his bento. Again. _Fuck,_ he thought when he noticed it, and when his feet sank on the snow. He felt there was more snow than the day before. He was cursed, surely. It couldn’t be otherwise. _Okay, calm down, Kaoru. Focus on the fact that you’re late._

And late, he was, and the teacher made sure the blond understood it when he finally arrived thirty minutes after the beginning of the lesson. And now Kaoru was standing outside of the class, punished. He sighed and stared blankly in front of him. He should have stayed home instead of running almost all the way just to be scolded. _This day already started really well… I can’t wait to see the end._ His stomach growled. How would he survive till noon!? The bell rang, and the teacher left the class, advising Kaoru not to be late the next time. The young man nodded and then entered the class.

“So, Hakaze-kun, can you explain me your lateness?”

            Keito’s voice made him sigh. Seriously. Even Eichi, who was the Students Council President, didn’t seem to be more bothered by his lateness than Keito who was only the vice-president.

“I didn’t wake up.”

            Keito stared at him suspiciously but couldn’t say more words as the next teacher finally arrived and asked them to be quiet. The morning was long, even though he missed the first lesson, and when it was finally time to take their lunch, Kaoru hurried and almost ran towards the cafeteria. There, he took curry pan once again, but four this time because he was angry, and then decided eating elsewhere than the cafeteria.

            So, he tried to find a spot, and on his way, he noticed Adonis and Souma, eating their meal together. Or rather, Souma gave meat to Adonis. With his chopsticks. In his mouth. Kaoru stopped dead and blinked. _What the…_ He shook his head. It probably was his imagination. However, when he looked at them again, they were kissing. His curry pans fell on the ground (fortunately for him, they still were on their bag). _Oh. It explains why Adonis and Souma were offended by my behavior._ He hadn’t expected that. _I should leave before Souma-kyun notices me,_ he thought. If Souma noticed him, Kaoru would be dead.

“Kaoru-kun? Are you alright?”

            Kaoru startled and turned towards Rei who looked at him, arms folded, a little bit worried.

“Err… Yes, I am. I’m just… surprised.”

            Rei arched an eyebrow and looked towards the place Kaoru seemed intrigued by, and his mouth opened in a perfect ‘o’ that made grinned the blonde.

“I see. He finally confessed.”

“Wait… You knew?”

“He asked me advice.” He answered, and Kaoru was sure he heard a “when I can’t even confess myself” just after.

            He tilted his head and frowned. Rei, confessing to someone? That was news for him.

“Anyway.” Rei shook his hair, his black following the movement. “About yesterday, what happened?”

“Nothing.” Kaoru answered. “I had something important to do.”

“Don’t lie, Kaoru-kun. It’s really bad to lie.”

            Kaoru shrugged and knelt to take back his curry pans.

“I’ll be here for the practice.” He changed the subject. “See you~”

“Kaoru-kun.”

            But Kaoru didn’t listen and left the place quickly. He liked Rei but disliked when he tried to get informations that weren’t his problem. Instead of doing that, he should take care of his own problem, like the one he had with his brother who didn’t want to talk with him anymore. _Maybe it’s his fault,_ Kaoru suddenly thought, _maybe he tried to take care of Ritsu’s problem?_ No, it was probably for something else, or so he hoped.

            He arrived on the school roof, sat on the bench once he had get rid of the snow, and ate his curry pans. He sighed in the middle of the last one, and a voice told him:

“What a sigh. Still crying, Hakaze-san?”

            He turned towards Anzu who was eating a sandwich. She sat beside him and he finally answered:

“I’m not crying. I’m just a little bit tired.”

“Tired? You should sleep more at night.”

“But I sleep. What do you think I’m doing, Anzu-chan~?”

“No-Nothing!”

            The red on her cheeks told him otherwise, though, and he grinned.

“What do you want me to do, Tanpopo-chan~?”

“Eat and doing your idol’s job.”

“That hurts.” Kaoru pulled a face and then, smiled.

            He didn’t notice it the first time, but now Anzu talked with him without being hidden behind someone. Someone who often was Souma, now he thought about it. It probably wasn’t a coincidence. The samurai-like was always with her when she came to see him. She made in purpose, right? _But she’s so cute~ I can forgive her everything~_ Actually, she was a demon in disguise, but he didn’t want to be certain of that.

“So, why were you crying?”

“I wasn’t crying, believe me! I’m just feeling cursed these last days. But fortunately, you’re always here to bless me, Anzu-chan~”

“Don’t believe I’ll fall for you, Hakaze-san.” She answered with a grin. “I already have someone, anyway.”

“What? Who? Is he an idol in training?”

“He? Who said they’re a he? It can be a she.”

“Wait… What? Tanpopo-chan, are you a lesbian~?”

            It would mean there was more lesbians around him that he had expected. Again, it didn’t bother him that much.

“I am not.” The answer was. “And even if I were, I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Why?”

            She glanced at him and he suddenly knew why.

“Oh. My no homo thing, right?” She shrugged. “I...I’m trying my best to stop this behavior.”

“Really? Hard to believe.”

“Anzuuu~ Why are you so mean?”

            She sighed.

“Maybe because you’re always trying to flirt with me?”

            Whoops.

“If I stop, will you stop?”

“Yes.”

“Then, I’ll stop!”

“As if.” She grinned. “It was a joke. Don’t force yourself to change, Hakaze-san. Sure, not hearing your “no homo” thing will be a good thing, but don’t change too much. People love the way you are.”

“Not that much.”

“But they do exist.”

            Kaoru opened his mouth but closed soon after. There were people who liked him the way he was. Kotone, for sure. But then…? He couldn’t say that his father and his brother liked him… Maybe UNDEAD’s members? Kanata seemed to like him too. And that was probably all. He thought about what Adonis told him about Souma, but ignored it in the thend. Even if he didn’t dislike him, the second-year student didn’t like that much.

“Okay fine, they do. But…” He stopped and ate the last bit of his curry pan.

            But the most important people around him, his father and brother, didn’t like him, and he wondered if it wasn’t the worst in the world. Not being loved by your family… Fortunately, Kotone loved him; at least she seemed to love him, and he wanted to believe it. _Mom loved me too,_ he thought. Or maybe she hated him in the end, because it was his fault. His father told him. _It was his fault if his mother died._ His heart missed a beat. If he hadn’t been sick at school, that day…

“But…?” Anzu continued.

“But I wonder if it’s a good thing for them to like me, anyway.”

            She opened her eyes wide, sighed, and hit him on his head.

“What?”

“Stop saying nonsense. Stop thinking you’re worthless, because you’re not.”

“Sorry.”

            He got a “hmf” as an answer and the girl finished her sandwich before standing up. And, hands on her hips, she added:

“I don’t know what’s happening to you these last days, but as your producer, I’ll do everything to help you with your problems. So, don’t hesitate.”

“Oh, thank you, Tanpopo-chan~ Then, what about going to the café together?”

“I said helping with your problems. Not going out with you.”

“Whoops, I tried at least.” He grinned. “More seriously, thank you, Anzu-chan~ It helps me more than you think.”

            She nodded and bid him a goodbye. Kaoru stood up, looked in front of him blankly, then shook his head and left the roof. Anzu was really kind. And also a demon, but a kind girl nevertheless. Sure, this girl had changed the life of a lot of people in the school. With a grin, Kaoru went to classes.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“So, you finally decided to come here, Hakaze-dono.”

          Standing in front of him, arms folded, Souma didn’t seem that much happy to see him in the club.

“Yeah, glad to see you too, Souma-kyun.”

           The long-haired young man stared at him, his face without emotion, before shaking his head, shrugging, and going near a tank. Kaoru sighed - yeah sure, Souma didn’t dislike him at all - and went near Kanata who was feeding the jellyfishes.

“Hello, Kanata. Sorry for not having come yesterday.”

“I heard from Rei that Kaoru didn’t feel ‘well’.” He answered. “Are you alright?”

“I am, sorry. I had something important to do.”

“I see.”

            Kanata smiled and Kaoru couldn’t help but answer. He stood there, watching the president of the club feeding the fishes. He didn’t know what to do. Actually, now he thought about it, he barely knew what the activities of the club were. He didn’t think they were doing a lot of things, to be honest. Going to the beach, feeding the fishes, and… That was all. Except if there was a new thing, but he doubted it.

            Kaoru glanced at Souma who seemed to play with a turtle, then at Kanata who was singing a song full of bubbles - this boy was really strange, but he liked him - and, finally, he took his decision.

“I… would like to apologize.” He said, and all the eyes turned towards him.

“For what?” Kanata asked.

“For my behavior these last years.”

            Souma tilted his head, his long purple hair falling on his shoulder. Kaoru took note of the fact it seemed soft. Earlier, he had taken note of its coconut’s perfume, a good one for the second-year student.

“Your behavior?”

“Yeah, I was offensive by saying that I only talk with girl and all, and… Sorry.”

            He turned towards Souma.

“Especially to you, Souma-kun. I always said that if you were a girl, it would be better but, actually, I… I don’t think like that.”

            _I don’t care,_ he was about to say, but had stopped in time. Why? He didn’t know. _Maybe it seemed a little bit gay… No, there was no gay thing in that. Right?_ Of course! He didn’t care if Souma was a guy or a girl. Talking with someone depending of their gender was stupid.

“So hm… Sorry.”

“Maybe you’re not totally a disgrace, after all.” Souma’s answer was, and he even got a smile from him (a true miracle).

“I’ve never been offended by that.” Kanata smiled.

“Actually, you don’t seem offended by a lot of things.” Kaoru laughed.

“The Club President is someone really patient.”

“I think it’s better if we could get along together.” Kanata shook his head and a “bubble” came from his mouth. “I hope Souma and Kaoru will soon get along.”

            Kaoru arched an eyebrow while Souma looked away. For them getting along, they would need months, no, years! They were so different that Kaoru wondered if it was even possible.

“Yeah, sure.” He blurted.

            It seemed to make happy the Club President, so it was a good thing. Kaoru finally decided to stay till the end of the club ; he had nothing to do anyway ; and strangely enough, he had a lot of fun. Kanata had always a new story about the sea and the fishes to tell, either sad, or funny, and the third-year student seemed so much in his world that it was fun to watch him. Souma was listening to his senior with a lot of attention, and when Kanata started to talk about turtles, Kaoru swore that Souma’s eyes sparkled. He didn’t know that eyes could sparkle that much, and he found Souma cute.

            Time flies with them, and soon arrived the moment they had to go back home. Kanata left before them, strangely enough, because he had a rendezvous in the evening. Kaoru wondered what kind of rendezvous it was, and for a moment, he thought his friend had a girlfriend. Was it possible? He didn’t know.

            So it was only Kaoru and Souma, heading silently towards the school entrance where Adonis was waiting. _Oh yeah. I forgot about it._ He still couldn’t believe it, but if the two young men were happy like this, then he would support them. When they arrived in front of Adonis, he said:

“By the way, congrats, guys.”

“Why, Hakaze-senpai?”

“I saw you during lunch. You’re cute~” Kaoru grinned.

            He saw Souma reached for his katana and the samurai-like told him:

“Run, or I slice you.”

            Kaoru pulled a face and didn’t wait more, too scared to die so young. He bid them a goodbye, congratulating them again, and left before Souma even had time to draw his sword.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I refuse! I’ll continue to be an idol no matter what you want!”

“I’m your father and I’m the one who decides what you’ll do! You’ll go to this law university once you’ll be graduated from this stupid high school!”

            Kaoru clenched his fists. The few days without his father had been calm and now that he was back, the usual arguments came back. And this time, it was about Kaoru’s future. Again. Kaoru hated when someone chose for himself, and especially when it was his father.

“I won’t!” He finally replied. “I’m old enough to decide what I want to do, and I won’t go to a law university!”

“Unless you don’t live under my roof, you’ll obey me, young man!”

“I won’t!”

“You’re already a disappointment, boy, so don’t continue on this way!”

“Well, sorry to want to be myself!”

“You’re such a brat! What would think your poor mother if she was still here!?”

“That you’re a terrible father! Maybe you would have divorced!”

“How dare you!? I always said you should have died instead of her!”

“Dad, no! Don’t say things like that.” Kotone said, shocked.

Kaoru felt anger running through his body and he had to control himself not to slap his father. Instead, he left the living room, took his coat, and left the house, not taking care of Kotone calling his name.

Outside, it was already dark, and when he raised his head, he couldn’t see even a star because of the clouds. Snow was slowly falling and he bit his lips while walking away from this horrible house, and especially this stupid father. _I’m sorry, Kotone. I can’t stay here. I won’t have the strength to stay here._ He felt bad for her because she had stayed there for him, and now he was outside the house after an umptieth argument. And, deep inside him, he knew he wouldn’t come back. He didn’t want. He couldn’t.

He arrived in a park and stood still in front of the frozen fountain now. He was cold but he didn’t care. _I always said you should have died instead of her!_ It hurt. It hurt a lot because for years, he had thought it would have been better it had been him. For years, he had known that his father regretted his wife more than he would have regretted his son. Actually, now he thought about it, it was since his mother’s death that his father hated him. _Mom, I’m sorry._ How many times did he apologize? He stopped counting when he had reached the hundredth time.

He erased the tears that were falling on his cheeks and took his phone. There, he noticed he received texts from his sister, but decided not to answer it for now, because he couldn’t tell her he was fine and not to worry. He wasn’t fine, and he couldn’t ask her not to worry, especially after what their father thold him.

Kaoru sighed and looked at his numbers list. Why did he have so many girls’ numbers, already? It was really useless, now. He stopped on a name and, after a while, finally decided to send a text. He got an answer soon.

_“Where are you?”_

_“Tsukino Park.”_

_“Don’t move. I’m coming.”_

            Kaoru hated asking for help, especially to friends, but he couldn’t spend the night outside for now. _I’ll take an hostel tomorrow,_ he promised to himself. He wouldn’t have a choice, anyway. He couldn’t annoy his friend and his family too much. He waited for around twenty minutes until he heard a voice say:

“Kaoru-kun?”

            The young man turned towards Rei.

“Are you alright?”

“No.”

            Rei knew about Kaoru’s family, and his problems. It wasn’t the first time he asked his friend for help, and not the first time he was going to spend the night at his home. He apologized but Rei shrugged and told him it was normal, especially in this situation. UNDEAD’s leader then asked him to follow him and they headed for Rei’s car.

            On their way, while sending a text to his sister saying he wasn’t alone, Kaoru explained what had happened and his friend listened silently. When they arrived in front of the Sakuma’s house, he finally said:

“You shouldn’t stay at your father’s.”

“I know. I… I’ll take an hostel, and…”

“No.” Rei frowned. “We already talked about it with my family. You live here until you can have your own apartment.”

“What? You’re crazy. I can’t -”

“Kaoru-kun. If you refuse, I’ll be forced to kidnap you.”

“What?”

“You’re under arrest.” Rei grinned and Kaoru pulled a face. “Let’s go.”

            They left the car and Kaoru helped Rei to put a cardboard on the windshield and, once done, they entered the house. Kaoru was welcomed by the Sakuma family and he apologized for the bother, earning him a good hit on the head by Rei. He ate with the family and as always he ated with the Sakuma, he could feel all the love a family could have. If he forgot how Ritsu treated his brother, of course. Kaoru didn’t know what happened between the two brothers - Rei was angry when he tried to know - but it was pretty bad, given that Ritsu didn’t want to talk with Rei anymore.

            When the diner was finished, Kaoru helped with the cleaning. Then, Rei lent him a pajama and he could take a bath. There, he took a little shower before entering the hot bath, and he let himself forget everything. Rei, and his family, didn’t know how Kaoru was thankful. Being able to come there, taking a break from his problems, and especially his family, was the best thing they could do for him.

            He didn’t really remember the first time he had slept in this house. He just remembered that he had been alone in town when he had met Rei, and he ended sleeping at his parents. They had been comprehensive and really patient with him. Rei and Ritsu’s parents were those parents that every children wanted to have, accepting every choice of their children, with who you could talk about almost everything. He remembered the day they started to talk about Rei’s sexuality, and Ritsu and Mao’s relationship, as if everything had been normal. It was in this kind of family that Kotone should live.

            He finally left the bath, put Rei’s pajama, and went to his room. There, Rei patted him and went to the bathroom, while Kaoru sat his futon, the one he always slept on when he came. Then he looked towards the little TV on Rei’s desk and his eyes opened wide when he noticed what it was. _Rei Sakuma! I can’t believe you’ve done something like that!_ He searched for the remote, but didn’t find it. He looked on the desk, on Rei’s bed, and even under. But there was nothing. _Where did he put it!?_ He panicked while the two men in the TV were louder than earlier. _Oh my god… Rei!_ He knew that his friend did it in purpose. Every time he came spend the night, Rei, with Ritsu’s help sometimes, did a prank. This one was probably the worst. _I’m sure the remote is inside the desk drawers… But I can’t._ He couldn’t open it. It would mean look inside Rei’s privacy, and the leader of their group knew Kaoru would never do that.

            And so the only thing Kaoru could do was to try to ignore the TV, but the two men were too loud for him, and finally, when he heard a strange voice coming from one of them, he glanced at the screen. _Huh… Fuck you, Rei, you’re impossible…_ He was pissed off, but he couldn’t stop watching anymore. His eyes were locked on the two men loving each other, and he bit his lips. He suddenly felt that the temperature of the room was suddenly hotter, and he understood that it wasn’t the room, but him, and he hid his face between his hands. _It is a normal reaction,_ he thought _. Of course a body will react to this kind of things. I would have prefered a man and a woman, though._

“I’m back~”

“Rei!” Kaoru exclaimed, standing. “Change the channel, please!”

“Why? I want to watch this movie~”

“It’s a gay porn!?”

“Yes and? There’s no problem with that~”

            Kaoru opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again.

“If you really wanted to see it, you could have… I don’t know, record it?”

“It’s a DVD.”

“What?”

“It’s a DVD, Kaoru-kun.”

            Kaoru blinked and looked towards Rei’s desk where there also was the DVD player near the TV. Oh. If he had known, he would have stopped it. _Crap._

“How was the movie?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t watch.”

“Oh, really?”

“Really.”

“What a pity.”

“This prank wasn’t funny, Rei.” Kaoru pouted.

“A prank?” Rei repeated. “It wasn’t a prank.”

            Of course it was, Kaoru wanted to retort, but he was already tired of this discussion, and just wanted Rei to stop the TV. A thing that his leader did quickly, using the remote that was inside one of the drawer. _I knew it!_  Then the young man sat on his bed, and so did Kaoru on his futon.

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I… don’t know. I can’t let my sister alone, and at the same time…” He sighed.

“You can’t always live like that, especially if your old man wants to steer your life.”

            Kaoru pulled a face. Rei was right. Rei was _always_ right.

“I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

“This home is always open.”

“I know, but I can’t take advantage of it every time.”

            His friend blinked before sighing.

“We already talked about it.”

“Yeah but…”

“Your safety is important. You’re like a member of our family, anyway.”

“I… Thank you, Rei.”

            Rei smiled and stated:

“You know, I hate when you call me “Sakuma-san” at school.”

“You’re older than me.”

“But I’m your best friend, no?”

“Yeah, but you’re still older than me.”

            Rei shrugged and gave up by laying down on his bed. Kaoru did the same on his futon and, minutes later, they finally decided to sleep. So Kaoru stood up and turned off the light, then went under his cover. They stayed quiet for a moment. Kaoru loved this moment, because he knew they were both aware of each other, slowly falling asleep, but still awake to talk with each other. It would the last conversation of the day, the one that would conclude it, and they had to choose a subject properly.

“It should hurt.” He finally said.

“Hm? What?”

“Between two men, it should hurt. I mean…”

            _God damn it, Kaoru! You couldn’t have a better subject!?_ He slapped himself.

“So you watched.”

“I didn’t! I just...heard.”

            He also saw but no way he was going to confess it, especially not to Rei who would take advantage of it.

“Yes, it does. At the beginning at least.” Rei answered. “After, you forget it.”

“Huh, I see…” No he didn’t see at all, but he could guess. “So hm… “

 _Did you already do it_ was a too private question. Sure he was his best friend, but he didn’t want to ask something like that. What could he ask? _Ah, I know!_ He just remembered something he had heard days ago and now was a good time to ask.

“Did you already have an interest in some boys of our school?”

            _I know he’s in love. He wants to confess, he told it when we noticed Adonis and Souma together. Is is one of us?_

“Why do you want to know?”

“Just curious. You’re always so secretive about your love life.”

            Kaoru thought Rei fell asleep because he didn’t answer straightaway, but he heard him yawn.

“Yeah, I had.”

“Oh. Who?”

“You’re so curious tonight, Kaoru-kun~” Rei chuckled. “But hm… Wataru.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. We even dated.”

            Kaoru blinked and played with one of his blond locks. So Rei and Wataru had a relationship? He didn’t know at all, yet it wasn’t surprising. They had been really closed for a moment.

“And who?”

“I thought I had a crush on Keito-kun, but it appeared I got on his child.”

“His child?” Kaoru repeated. “Hasumi-kun has a child?”

            Rei laughed.

“Kanzaki.”

“Oh.” Then Kaoru frowned. “Wait, what? You have a crush on Souma-kun?”

“I had.” Rei rectified. “I’m not sure, actually. I think I just tried to avoid my true feelings.”

“Your true feelings… Wait, do you love someone?”

“Hey, I wonder~”

“Rei!”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“Someone in your class.”

            Someone in his class. Okay so it let him a few possibilities, that was good.

“It’s not Hasumi-kun, already… Itsuki-kun?”

“No.”

“Morrichi?”

“Too full of life.”

“It’s not Izumi-kun, right!?”

“No way.”

            Wait, who was it, then? The only members that stayed in his class was himself and… He knew he forgot someone. He frowned. He remembered. But it was impossible, right? They hated each other, no?

“Don’t tell me… Tenshouin-kun?”

            Once again, Rei didn’t answer straight away, and when he finally did, it was:

“Is it strange?”

“With all the past events? Yeah.”

“We…” Rei started. “We drink tea together, sometimes.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s good to talk with him.”

“And you fell in love?”

“Since the beginning, actually.”

            Since the beginning? Did it mean that Rei fought Eichi but, deep inside, loved him?

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“You suffered.”

“Love isn’t always pink.”

“Yeah, I know. And you know…” Kaoru started before smiling. “I’m sure even Tenshouin-kun is an angel if you put him beside my father.”

“It’s not difficult.”

            It wasn’t at all, actually.

“Well… I hope it will work.”

“You don’t stop me?”

“Why would I? I can’t stop your feelings. Besides… Well, you know, I’ll always be here for you.”

            It was embarrassing, clearly. He was accustomed to tell things like that to girls, not to boys, even if they were his best friends.

“Ow, Kaoru-kun, you’re growing up! I’m so proud of you~”

“Stop talking like a grandpa. You’re a year older!”

“I should teach you what respect is.”

“Respect is dead, Rei. I’m sorry.”

“Oh no… When is the burial?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask.”

“What a pity~”

            They laughed and, once they calmed down, they bid each other a good night. Kaoru didn’t fall asleep right away, his thoughts turned towards his family and the decision he had to take. It would be difficult, but he would do it. He just hoped he would be able to do the right decision.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_“I’m sorry, I won’t come back tonight.”_

            Kaoru sighed once his text had been sent, and turned under his blankets. He hoped Kotone would understand. He hoped she wouldn’t be upset. He received an answer ten minutes later, and he felt relieved when he read it.

_“It’s better like that. He’s still very angry.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“Don’t. He’s the one at fault.”_

            Kotone didn’t know how much his brother loved her. If she hadn’t been there, what would have he done? He didn’t know.

_“It’s better if you stay at your friend for all the weekend, actually.”_

_“Sure?”_

_“Sure. Also, if you need some of your things, tell me. I’ll bring them.”_

_“Thank you.”_

            He sent a new text with the things he thought about; especially clothes, he couldn’t borrow Rei’s every day; and then, once he knew when she would come, he closed his eyes. He still couldn’t believe something like that happened again, and this time, it seemed worse than ever. He heard Rei move in his bed and he opened his eyes. This time, the false vampire turned his back. It was still pretty early, and Kaoru could sleep a little bit more. Kotone would come only in the afternoon, anyway.

            He woke up hours later, alone in the room. He yawned and stretched, before taking his uniform; the only clothes he had for now; and changed himself. Then, he went down to the living room where he found Rei and his father talking about things and other, while Ritsu was playing the piano.

“Good morning.”

“Hello, sleeping beauty~” Rei answered with a grin.

“Good morning, Kaoru-kun. Come here, there are croissants and coffee.” Rei’s father, Akihito, offered.

            At this very moment, Kaoru’s stomach growled and the blond couldn’t help but blushed. _Thank you, body. You’re not embarrassing me at all._ At least it made Rei and his father laugh. Kaoru sat beside Rei, and took a croissant. Sat at the piano, Ritsu was playing a soft lullaby that Kaoru didn’t know. He wondered if Ritsu wrote it, or if it was just from an unknown composer.

“So, do you sleep here tonight too?” Akihito asked.

“If it’s possible, I… would like to stay till Monday?”

“It’s fine with us.” Akihito smiled and Rei pated Kaoru’s head.

“I’m sorry. Kotone told me it was better for now. She’ll bring me clothes.”

            The two other people nodded. Ritsu stopped his playing and came sitting beside his father.

“We told you it’s fine, Kacchan. Stop apologizing every time. It’s annoying.” Ritsu yawned.

“And I already told you not to call me Kacchan.”

“Hm? Dad, I think I heard Kacchan, but it’s probably my imagination.”

“Ritsu is a true demon~” Rei chuckled.

“I think there’s a bug in the house too. Kacchan, you shouldn’t bring insect.”

            It didn’t stop Rei laughing, though, as accustomed as he was, and Kaoru sighed, while Akihito sent a strange look at his younger son. The man then shrugged and went back to the coffee he was drinking. Rie, Rei’s mother, arrived with tea, and said hello to Kaoru. _I thought I was late, but I wasn’t. Good._ The woman sat beside Kaoru and she offered him to take another croissant because ‘ _seriously you’re too thin, eat more’,_ and the young man couldn’t refuse (later, Rei would tell him he was actually perfect as he was, and that his mother was always exaggerating). It was always like that, and Kaoru couldn’t help but obey the woman. He wondered if having a mother was always like that. He only met one, Rei and Ritsu’s, and he liked her a lot. _Mom was gentle too._ He remembered that when he had finished his snack, she always gave him another one in secret. _“Mom loved you more than anything. I’m sure you were his favorite~”_  Kotone always said. He wished it was true.

“So, it’s soon Christmas~” Rie said with a sing-sang voice.

            _Oh crap, I forgot about that._

“We should start thinking about decorating the house~” She continued.

“You take last year tree and you do the same thing.” Akihito commented and his wife pouted.

“No, it’s always the same thing. Let’s change~” She looked around before locking her eyes on Kaoru. “I know!” She clapped her hands happily. “Kaoru-kun, you’ll do the tree for us.”

“Huh? What?”

“Like that, the tree won’t be the same that last year.”

“But…” He frowned. “I’ve never done a Christmas tree.”   

Rie blinked, and so did Akihito and Rei.

“You’re serious?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t celebrate Christmas back...there?”

“No.”

Actually, only Kotone and he celebrated him, and it was perfect enough like that. He just offered a present to his sister, and she only offered present to him. The other would have refused it, anyway, not satisfied enough with what they got. In the end, they did it secretly. Christmas was just a normal boring day for them. He couldn’t even have a date, as the girls were generally busy.

“It’s a good opportunity, then! It’s decided! Kaoru-kun, you’ll do the tree!”

“But…”

“Rei and Ritsu will help you~”

“I can’t. I have to play the violin~”

“I can’t. I have a nap at Maa-kun home.”

“Oh yes, Mao-kun! I’ll tell him to help you.”

“Mom, did you hear us?”

“You always use the violin or Mao-kun to avoid everything. Stop being children and help Kaoru-kun.”

            Rei and Ritsu sighed at the same time, and Kaoru grinned. _Rie, one, Rei and Ritsu, zero._ Mothers were terrible: they always won, no matter what you do. It was something had noticed while spending time with the Sakuma, and he knew that his sister would always win against him, and even Joji.

            The rest of the morning went well. Kaoru watched Rei playing the violin, and being ignored by his little brother. This fact didn’t seem to bother Rei, though, as he continued to try to get his attention every time. Kaoru felt a little sorry for him, because he felt Ritsu wouldn’t give up. In the beginning of the afternoon, someone rang the bell, and Kaoru was soon called at the entrance. He hurried up, and found his sister with a bag in her hands. She was talking with Rie, but stopped when she noticed him.

“I’ll let the two of you alone.” The woman said before leaving.

            Kaoru watched her leave, blinking. Did they stop their conversation when he arrived or was it a dream? He frowned. What did they talk about?

“Is there a problem?”

“Not really. I was thanking her.” Kotone’s smile was false, Kaoru noticed. “Anyway, how are you today?”

“Better. I’m sorry, I…”

“No. It’s okay. I wouldn’t have stay either if I had been you.” Kotone answered with a smile.

            Then she took him in an embrace and he suddenly felt way better. He had always been close to Kotone, and when he didn’t feel good, he always searched for her warmth.

“He’s still angry, huh?”

“Yeah…” She sighed. “Kaoru, I… I would like you to stay here for the whole week.”

“Huh? But why?”

“Dad is... “

“He doesn’t want me anymore.” She nodded, and her brother shrugged. “As expected. Not like he loved me to begin with.”

“He love you!” He arched an eyebrow. “Okay, fine, he loved you.”

“Before Mom’s death.”

“Don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was mine enough to be hated by my own father.”

“It is not!”  Kotone almost screamed and Kaoru startled.

            It was so rare to see the red on her face that it surprised him a lot.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to scold you.” She finally said. “Please, Kaoru, it is not your fault. No matter what he says, it is not!  Joji… I talked about it with Joji, after you told me you were here, and he also thought that dad shouldn’t blame you for that.”

“Joji?”

“Joji. You know, he’s not _that_ bad. When you left, he even defended you.”

“ _Joji_!?”

“Yes, Joji. Our older brother.” She smiled. “I’ve been as much as surprised than you. He told dad that you had the right to do what you wanted to do. But dad doesn’t care at all.”

“Well, you have to do omiai because of him.”

“Yeah, well…” She played with one of her locks before shaking her head. “Anyway, here are your clothes. I put enough for a week.”

“Thank you.” He then bit his lips and asked: “Would it be alright?”

“Don’t worry for me. Everything will be alright.”

            Kaoru would like to be as confident as her, but it was impossible in the current time, when he knew that he had been rejected by his own father. Actually, he had always known; but this time, it had been confirmed. He didn’t want to see him anymore. Fine. Kaoru didn’t want to see the old man anymore, anyway. Living away from him would be better, and it was sad for a son to think like that about his father. Yet again, he only asked to be loved, something his genitor wasn’t able to give him.

            Kotone kissed his forehead before leaving the Sakuma’s house. Kaoru watched her disappearing, and his fists clenched. _Crap. Why do I want to cry!?_ Maybe because it looked like a good bye. Maybe because he didn’t know how would be his future. Maybe because he was feeling like a shit for days now, and reality hit him harder than expected.

“Hakaze-senpai? Hello.”

            Kaoru startled and turned towards Mao who was standing in front of the entrance.

“Oh, hello, Isara-kun. Ritsu-kun is waiting for you~”

“Let me guess: he takes a nap?”

“Yeah…”

“I’ll try to wake him up.” Mao rolled his eyes.

            Kaoru let him enter, and followed him till the living room where Ritsu was lying on the sofa. Rei was standing against the wall, arms folded, and when he noticed Mao, he greeted him, before coming close to Kaoru.

“So, Mom told us you’re going to spend all the week with us.”

“Yeah…”

“Wow, you could be happier, you know? Young men, these days…!”

“Would you be happy if you learnt that your father didn’t want you anymore?” Rei didn’t answer. “So, we agree.”

“Kaoru-kun…”

“I’ll put my bag in your room. And after that, we’ll do the tree.”

            Kaoru smiled - or rather he tried - and hurried up to Rei’s room, where he put his bags on his futon. He stood still for a few minutes, calming down, before going back to the living room where Mao was doing his best to wake up Ritsu. But the younger Sakuma didn’t seem really decided to wake up and help them with the tree. Kaoru shrugged and came closer to the tree that Akihito Sakuma was putting on its foot. It was an artificial tree, and it was tall, taller than Kaoru had imagined.

“There~” Rie sang while putting a big box on the ground. “This is the decorations box. Ritsu, wake up and come help.”

“Nah it’s annoying.”

“What a pity. You’ll be the only one not having a piece of cheesecake, then.”

“Cheesecake?”

“Yes. I’m cooking a cheesecake, and only the people who worked would have a piece of it.”

            Strangely enough, it helped Ritsu to wake up, and it made Mao shake his head. Beside him, Rei whispered that Ritsu would do everything for a cheesecake, even if it meant dying. Kaoru shook his head and sighed. He understood the young Sakuma. Cheesecakes were good pastries, and he was sure that, made by a mother, it was better than in a bakery.

“Okay, let’s start this tree~” Kaoru sang.

“You seems suddenly happy.” Akihito noticed.

“I’ve never done a Christmas Tree and, besides, if we can get cheesecake after that, I’ll do everything!”

“I’m with you, Kacchan~!”

“I can’t believe we have two cheesecake eaters here…” Rei sighed.

“What, you’re jealous? You want to be the one eaten?” Kaoru grinned.

“What?” Rei blinked.

“Don’t play innocent,” his father said, “we all know, Rei. You want to eat _someone_ rather than the cheesecake.”

“Well, I’m a vampire, after all~” Rei shrugged, and frowned when staring at his father.

            Akihito winked and left the living room. Kaoru wondered if Rei’s parents knew about his crush, but the way his father acted seemed to say they did. It was a fun fact to know. Maybe he could annoy him more than he thought about his crush.

“So, do we start this tree, yes or no?” Ritsu asked.

“And now he’s excited.” Mao sighed.

            They all laughed and finally started to decorate the tree. Kaoru didn’t really know how to do but, while watching at the balls and garlands, he noticed it was just like putting good clothes together, and finally started. And he didn’t know that doing a Christmas tree, with his friends around, could be so fun. Even when Ritsu tried to strangle Rei with the garlands ( and nobody stopped him) or when the cat tried to went on the tree, or tried to steal the decorations.

            Once the tree done, they looked at it. It was blue and red, and pink and green, with little light, and a big star at the top. Kaoru was proud of their work, and happy for having been there for this very important moment.

“Oh, it’s beautiful~” Rie said when she saw the tree. “Dad and I will do the house decorations.”

            Then, she turned towards the four young men and told them that a cheesecake was waiting for them in the kitchen. Ritsu didn’t need her to tell it twice: he almost ran. Mao shook his head, saying that this child was impossible when it came to pastries. He sounded like a father jaded by his son’s behaviour. Kaoru and Rei followed them, and they ate the cheesecake, talking about things and others. Or rather, Ritsu talked through Mao when he had to answer Rei. It was a little bit annoying, Kaoru thought, and he really wondered what happened between the brothers for their relationship to be bad. He never asked Rei but he was worried. He knew Rei loved his brother a lot and was hurt by Ritsu’s behaviour towards him, and he couldn’t do a thing for his best friend. Maybe one day, he would ask, but before that, he must take care of his own problems.

            In the end, Mao stayed for the dinner, and then the night. Fortunately, it wasn’t a problem as he lived in the same neighbourhood. When came the time to sleep, Kaoru went under his blanket, soon followed by Rei. Everything was quiet in the room, but Kaoru knew they would talk soon. Rei had tried all afternoon to talk with him in private, and Kaoru knew that, this time, he wouldn’t avoid it.

“Kaoru-kun. If you don’t feel well, don’t hesitate to tell me.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“Yeah, sure.” Rei sighed. “It’s not a joke. Maybe they all thought you were fine, but I’m not stupid.”

“How can you tell? Seriously, I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” The answer was. “You don’t smile the same way as usual.”

            First, silence, and then, Kaoru laughed.

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not making fun of you. It’s just…” Kaoru tried to calm down. “It’s _so_ you. Only you can notice something like that.”

“I love discovering little things about people they don’t even know. It’s a good way to know their true feelings. You should try, you’ll discover a lot of things on the people around you.” Rei explained. “So, what’s happening? You’re less happy since the dinner.”

            Kaoru sighed: Rei was too stubborn.

“Fine, fine… I just thought that it was good to have a family. I wonder how it would have been if mom had still been there. Maybe she would still be here if I hadn’t existed.”

“Don’t say stupid things. Don’t talk like that.” Rei scolded and Kaoru felt like a child.

“Sorry. It’s just… The old man kept repeating that, so I started thinking it was true.”

            Now he thought about it, Kotone was right: his genitor wasn’t like that before. He had loved him before his wife’s death.

“Kaoru-kun?”

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you a private question?”

“Try it.”

“Why do he always tell you that it’s your fault? I mean… How did your mother die?”

            Kaoru’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t thought that Rei would ask something like that. He never told people about his mother, because it was a memory he would like to forget. Unfortunately, he couldn’t as it was carving in his mind.

“She… I…” He stammered.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me. Don’t force yourself.”

            Rei’s voice was soft. Kaoru rubbed his temples, unsure of what to do. He didn’t know how to start. He never talked about it; even back home, they didn’t talk about it. Oh, he tried when he was a child, but his father always got angry after him. And when the man had accepted that his son saw a psychologist, Kaoru didn’t talk about his mother at all. Still now, Kaoru thought he should talk about it with his family, not with an unknown man. But here, it was Rei. Rei was like family, so he could tell the story.

“I don’t know how I have to start. I’ve never tell this story.”

“Not even to your family?”

“Dad got it from the policemen. He didn’t care that I wanted to talk about it.” Kaoru sighed.

“What a jerk.”

            The insult surprised Kaoru. He wasn’t accustomed to hear Rei talking like that. He had heard him when they were in second year, but they barely talked at this moment that he didn’t pay much attention. _Because of my family, and thanks to UNDEAD, we became really close, huh? And now I’m about to relate him my mom’s death…_

“I was seven years old.” He started, unsure of how he was going to explain everything. “It was in December, and it was snowing a lot.”

“We’re in the period, then.”

“Yeah…”

            That’s why he hated December and snow. If the month could pass faster, he would be the happiest man in the world.

“As usual, I went to school, but that day, I felt sick. Mom wanted me to stay home, but I insisted on going no matter what.”

“Haha, already flirting with girls, Kaoru-kun~?”

“Nah, we had repetition for a Christmas play, and I played Santa Claus.”

“Seriously? I can imagine little Kaoru-kun with a beard.” Rei laughed, and he was lucky to be on his bed and Kaoru being lazy because the young man wanted to slap him.

“Anyway,” Kaoru continued, “I went to school and, in the afternoon, I felt worse. They had to call my mom, because I couldn’t stay at school.”

            And if he had been able to predict the future, he wouldn’t have gone to school to begin with…

“That day, dad needed the car for the work, so mom came on feet. Our home was close to my school, so it was alright. But… There was this road to cross. It was green for us, so we crossed it, and this car arrived.”

            It was a black car, he remembered it.

“It didn’t stop at the traffic light.”

“What?”

“Mom pushed me. I fell on the snow, and when I looked towards Mom, I saw…”

            The red tainting the white snow. His mom’s body. The ambulance’s siren. His own screams. His father and siblings crying.  It was carved in his mind. Tears poured on his cheeks and he started to cry before he even noticed it.

“He’s right, it’s my fault.”

“It is not!”

            He barely heard Rei’s voice, but he felt his body against his, and his arms around his hips.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” Rei rubbed his hair. “Fuck, if I had known, I wouldn’t have asked you.”

            Rei continued to curse, but Kaoru didn’t care. Nothing mattered at this very moment, not even the fact that he was close to a man, closer that he had ever been in seventeen years. Actually, it was comforting. It didn’t know if it was because being with Rei was a comfort - Sakuma were more his family than his true one - or if he just needed someone with him. In any case, he stuck his body against Rei’s and took him in an embrace, letting the tears fall in silence.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Believe me, it’s not your fault.”

            Rei’s voice was so soft and gentle… Kaoru closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, Kaoru-kun, I…”

“It’s not your fault…” Kaoru whispered. “I… Thank you for being here.”

“I’ll always be here.”

            Kaoru wanted to tell him that he shouldn’t promise something like that, but he decided not to do. The caresses on his hair continued, and he felt so much at peace that he finally fell asleep.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

            Half of the week passed faster than Kaoru would have thought. Rei and he didn’t talk about what happened on Saturday night, nor about the fact they had waken up between each other arms. Actually, it bothered Kaoru a little bit, not because they slept in each other's arms - after all Rei just wanted to comfort him - but because Kaoru surprised himself wanting to hug Rei again and again. And it wasn’t normal, right? Sure, he promised to do an effort and stop being so “no homo” with every guys in the school, but it didn’t mean he could hug his friends, especially his best friend. Right?

            _Annoying,_ he thought for the umpteenth time. He didn’t even know why he thought about it that much. He needed to focus on the group’s practices. The dreamfes was two weeks later - the last day of school before Christmas’ holidays - and he had to train a lot for that day. Yet, no matter what he did, his eyes always locked on Rei and he had to repress the urge to hug him. _I wonder why I suddenly want to hug him that much now. I’ve never wanted till now._ Maybe it was because he had felt safe between Rei’s arms. Maybe his brain thought it was Kotone; or even his mother. _If it’s the case, you’re stupid, brain._

“Okay, let’s call it a day.” Rei suddenly said, sitting on the ground, soon followed by the others. “It’s getting better and better~”

“Ryuuseitai doesn’t know who they’ll face!” Koga almost cried out, and Adonis and Kaoru nodded.

            Ryuuseitai’s members knew very well what UNDEAD was able to do, and they also practiced a lot. Souma was often alone for the first part of the club activities, but it didn’t seem to bother him. That evening, Kaoru wouldn’t go to the club. Kotone sent him a text, telling him she would wait for him in front of the school, after his practice. He informed Kanata about it, and also Rei, to whom he promised to inform him if he came after the dinner.

            Once they had taken back their breath, and changed their clothes, UNDEAD’s members left the practice room together. When Rei and Kaoru arrived at the school entrance, they noticed Kotone talking with Chiaki. Kaoru frowned and hurried towards his sister, making chuckle Rei.

“Moricchi, why are you annoying my sister~?”

“He’s not annoying me.” Kotone answered with a smile. “He asked if I was lost.”

“Wait, this is your sister?” Chiaki seemed surprised. “Now that you’re beside her, I see the resemblances.”

            Kaoru rolled his eyes and Chiaki finally left them alone, telling he had other people to save. Sometimes, the young man wondered if Ryuuseitai’s leader didn’t watch too much heroes series.

“Well… You wanted to see me?”

“Yeah, I’ve to show you something.” Kotone answered and her smile grew bigger. Strange. “Sakuma-kun, there’s not need to wait him for the dinner. I’ll bring him back around ten pm if it’s alright.”

“Fine, I’ll inform my parents. Have fun~”

            UNDEAD’s leader waved and left them alone.

“I eat with you? And dad agreed?”

“Don’t worry for that.” The answer was.

            She took his hand and forced him to follow her. He didn’t know where they were going, but Kaoru was a little bit worried. What if she brought him back home? He didn’t want to face their father anymore; he wasn’t sure he could, anyway. But the more they walked, the more he noticed it wasn’t home way and he felt better little by little. On their way, they met girls Kaoru dated and there, he noticed he hadn’t flirted with a girl since two weeks now. It was a miracle, and for now, he didn’t miss it. He was living at Sakuma’s home, so he couldn’t do the same things he did when he lived with his family. Beside, he didn’t have the desire to flirt these last days. It was probably because of the past few events; this and the practices for the dreamfes that took a lot of his time.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see~”

“Are you sure it will be alright for you?”

“Yes, Kaoru-chan, don’t worry.”

            _Don’t worry, don’t worry… Easy for her!_ They continued their way and entered a street that was close to a big supermarket. Then, they stopped in front of a building and entered once Kotone had written the serial code.

“Where are we?” Kaoru asked again.

            Kotone didn’t answer but smiled, and they took the elevator til the seventh story. There, the girl took a key and opened a door where it was written a little 72.

“Big sis…?”

            She opened the door and pushed Kaoru inside, turning on the light. They were in what seemed to be a little apartment, with a lot of boxes from where some things came out. He noticed one of Kotone’s things and he stopped.

“Wait. Are you moving in?”

“Yes. This is my apartment. And Juri’s too.”

“You finally obey me? Wow.”

“Shut up. Juri and I talked about it for a moment now, and with what happened the week before… Well, I decided it was time for me to leave this place.”

“And dad accepted?”

“At first, no. But when I told him I loved women, it was suddenly easier.”

“You did _what_!?”

            His sister was crazy. Crap, he loved her, but she totally was crazy!

“And he…”

“He screamed. He told me to make my luggages and all, and I went to Juri, before accepting this apartment. If everything is alright, we’ll move this saturday.”

“That’s why you wanted me to stay at the Sakuma’s?”

“Yeah.”

            She smiled. She seemed so happy, and he could help but feel happy for her!

“Congrats!”

“Wait, I’ve something else to show you.”

            Kaoru frowned and followed his sister through the apartment until she stopped in front of a door and opened it. Once again, she pushed him inside. It was a little room, enough for a single person bed, and the blond blinked.

“I’m not sure Juri and you will be able to sleep there, you know~?”

“Good, because it’s _your_ room, Kaoru-chan.”

“My what?”

“Your room. You didn’t think I’ll abandon you in the nature, right?”

“I… I… Don’t know what to say.”

            He had thought his sister would finally be happy with her girlfriend and now he learnt that he was going to live with them.

“You can cry if you want~”

“I don’t want to cry!”

            But he hugged her because it was the best surprise she could have done, and he really was happy.

“Thank you. I… You don’t know how happy I am.”

“You can’t be happier than me, Kaoru-chan.”

“As if!” He answered, pouting. “Will it be alright?”

“Don’t worry for that~”

“I’ll help you.”

“Don’t worry for that, I told you. Focus on your studies, okay?”

“Kotone…”

“Juri is waiting for us at the restaurant! Let’s go~”

“What, a restaurant now!?”

            She laughed when she saw his shocked face.

 

 

“Oh, that’s great. You won’t have any problem now~”

“Yes, yes! I can’t believe I’m going to live with my sister and her girlfriend~”

“Don’t annoy them. And avoid stupid jokes.”

“Who do you think I am?”

“A young boy who should shut his mouth instead of saying nonsenses~”

“What!?”

“Kaoru-kun, you’re always in ackward situation.”

“That’s not true!”

“It is.”

            Kaoru pouted and Rei patted his head. He then sighed and sat on his bed, and stared at the ground. Kaoru watched him and tilted his head. He didn’t know if he was dreaming, but Rei didn’t seem happy at all the good news the blond brought.

“Is there a problem?”

“Hm?”

“You don’t seem happy at all.”

“That’s not that.” Rei sighed. “I’m really happy for you. It’s just…” He stopped his sentence and sighed once again, worrying Kaoru.

“What? Tell me!”

“I’ll miss all the moments we had.” Kaoru blinked. “I mean… Not that I was glad when you had problems, but it is good to have you around other than in school.” Rei sighed for the umpteenth time. “Forget it.”

“Wow, calm down. It’s not because my life will less suck that I won’t spend time with you anymore! I’ll invite you and all! Don’t think you’re getting rid of me like that.”

“Yeah, after the girls.”

            Kaoru opened his mouth and closed it. After the girls, huh? These last days, he didn’t want to date, actually, but he never told his friend. Rei probably thought it was only because he lived in his house for now. So Kaoru rolled his eyes and took his friend in his arms. _Wait. Am I doing what I want to do for days now? Crap! I shouldn’t…! But… !_ It felt good. Really really good. It wasn’t normal, though, especially coming from him.

“Don’t worry,” he finally said, “you won’t pass after girls. You’re my best friend, right~?”

“Yeah, best friend…” Rei repeated and he didn’t seem to believe it.

“Listen,” Kaoru sighed, “I should be the one worried, actually.” Rei arched an eyebrow. “After all, the day you’ll be with Tenshouin-kun, I’ll pass after him!”

“Excuse me? Me, with Tenshouin-kun?”

“Why do you sound surprised? You told me you loved him.”

            Rei blinked and, suddenly, started laughing, surprising his friend. What? What did he say so funny?

“I’m sorry, Kaoru-kun, it was a joke! I didn’t know you’ve fallen that hard for that one!”

“You what!?”

“I’m sorry. I’m not in love with Tenshouin-kun~”

“But… With who then?”

            _Wait, he said he was in love with someone in my class… I am the only one I didn’t mention…_ His heart skipped a beat. _No, impossible. If he lied about Eichi, he probably lied about the one he truly loves._

“I’m not in love.”

“What?”

“It was all a lie. I’m sorry. On the moment, it was funny to see you searching.”

“... Our friendship ends right now, Rei Sakuma.”

“Yeah, of course~”

            Rei laughed. He seemed better now, and even if Kaoru was still upset that his friend made fun of him, he was glad that it was settled now.   _And not in love, huh? I’m sre he is, or why would he say he didn’t dare to confess…?_

“Anyway. Don’t think we won’t have time together anymore.” Kaoru continued, stepping away from Rei _against his will_.

“If you don’t keep this promise, I’ll get my revenge, Kaoru-kun.”

            Kaoru pulled a face. Sure, he would do his best not to forget it.

 

 

* * *

 

            It’s been two days now that he lived with his sister and Juri, and Kaoru felt free. He didn’t feel like a shit since he had talked about his mother to Rei, and he started enjoying Christmas’ month way more than he had in the past years. It was stupid, because it only had been two days, yet, Kaoru felt alive. He felt so alive that the practices for the dreamfes didn’t seem that tiring anymore. On the contrary, it gave him more energy. Actually, Adonis had also a lot of energy that day. Strangely enough, he had been really happy. _He probably got a good news_ , Kaoru thought while walking in the snow. It was probably the month of good news, this year, and he hoped it would continue like that.

“Woof!”

            Kaoru stopped and looked at his left, and blinked when he found a box. He came near it and his eyes opened wide when he noticed what there was inside.

“Oh no, why are you here, little one?”

            He patted the hand of the cute little brown puppy, and he licked his hand.

“Ow…”

            Kaoru was weak with animals. He was always making fun of Souma and his turtles, but he wasn’t better, especially with dogs and cats. _I can’t let him here… It’s snowing. He’ll die…_ He sighed and took his phone. He couldn’t let the puppy here, but he couldn’t take him either, not without his sister’s and Juri’s permission. So he called Kotone, who was home - and if he remembered well, Juri was too - and waiting for her to answer.

“ _Kaoru-chan? Is there a problem?_ ”

“Why do you think there’s a problem?”

“ _Because when you call me, it’s a problem. You would have texted me, otherwise._ ”

            Oh. He had never noticed. But it was easier to explain the problem in voice rather than in a text.

“Well...It’s not really a problem, it’s just…”

“Woof!”

“ _Did I hear a dog?_ ”

“A puppy?”

“ _Ooow, are you at a friend’s house?_ ”

“Actually, no.” Kaoru answered, petting the puppy. I’m on the street, and the puppy is inside a box, and… well…”

“ _Let me guess,_ ” Kotone answered, “ _you want to adopt him, right?_ ”

“He’s so cute~”

“ _Let me ask Juri._ ” She chuckled.

            She came back two minutes later, after he had heard some voices talking.

“ _Okay, fine. But you’re the one taking care of it. You pay everything._ ”

“Of course!”

“ _Yeah yeah, ‘of course’. Remember when you got a fish?_ ”

“I was a child!” Kaoru pouted, taking the puppy in his arms, and heading for his house.

“ _You didn’t take care of it!_ ”

“I did!”

“ _You didn’t. And it died one week later._ ”

“The old man put it in the toilets… I will never forgive him.”

“ _Kaoru-chan…_ ” Kotone sighed.

            Kaoru pulled a face. Okay, it was his fault, but he had been five or six years old, at this time. He wasn’t irresponsible anymore.

“ _By the way, Juri and I are going to a friend, tonight. Will it be alright?_ ”

“Of course! Why not? Have fun!”

“ _Yeah, we’ll just study, actually._ ”

“I don’t believe you, not now I know you used this excuse to come at the dreamfes.”

“ _Whoops. I forgot I told you._ ” Kaoru laughed. “ _Fine, fine. We celebrate his birthday so…_ ”

“Take care of you. Don’t drink too much.”

“ _I don’t drink! But I’ll take care of Juri, don’t worry._ ”

            Juri was fun when drunk, but also annoying. He hoped everything would be alright for his sister.

“If you need help, you can ask me, okay?”

“ _I do hope you’ll be sleeping, Kaoru-chan._ ”

“Yeah, maybe.”

            He had homework to do, and he would take advantage of the girls not being here to practice his vocals and his dance. And taking care of the dog. They continued to talk, Kaoru continuing his way, taking note he had to buy dogs’ food. His eyes looked around him and they locked on a child who was crossing the road. And, suddenly, a car arrived faster than it should. His heart skipped a beat.

“Watch out!”

“ _Kao-_ ”

            Kaoru dropped his phone and the puppy in the snow. He ran towards the child as fast as he could. He pushed him away. He heard brake being pushed. And he couldn’t avoid his own collision with the car. He felt a pain in his right leg, and he got stunned when his head hit the car’s hood. The last thing he knew, he was in the cold snow. There were black points in front of him, but he was able to notice the child in front him.

“Hey, you’re okay…?”

            The child nodded, unable to talk. Around them, witnesses were talking and screaming.

“Good.” Kaoru answered.

            And the last thing he heard was the puppy’s barks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops ♥ Sorry, not sorry~


	6. Chapter 6

_Everything was fuzzy around him. Kaoru didn’t know where he was, but it seemed to be a white room. He was sat on what seemed to be a bench, and his own clothes seemed to be white. Where was he? It was frankly scaring, and Kaoru hoped he would leave soon._

_“Kaoru.”_

_Kaoru turned his face towards the right and his eyes opened wide. Even if everything was fuzzy, and even if years passed, he could still recognized the woman in front of him, who was smiling softly._

_“Mom?”_

_The woman sat beside him and stared at him. She hadn’t changed at all, but people probably didn’t change that much once dead._ Wait. Does that mean I’m dead?

_“No, you’re not dead, Kaoru.”_

_Did he tell it aloud. The woman laughed and caressed his hair._

_“It’s okay. Everything is alright.”_

_“Why am I here?”_

_“I don’t know. It’s not the moment for you.”_

_“Mom…”_

_She leaned towards him and kissed his forehead._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“You don’t have to apologize. It’s not your fault, Kaoru.”_

_“But…!”_

_“That’s enough. There’s no more but. I’m the only one who tells the truth here, and I tell you it’s not your fault.”_

_Kaoru pouted. Even in death, he was scolded. Seriously, would he be free of that, one day? His mother sighed and repeated:_

_“You should go back, Kaoru.” She smiled. “I’m proud of you. I’m proud of_ all of you _. And I love you so much…”_

_“Mom, I love you too!”_

_“I know. I’ll always know.” She kissed his forehead again. “You should go, now. Take care, and follow your dreams.”_

_He barely had the time to answer that the world around him turned black, hiding the face of one of the women he loved the most in the world…_

            Opening his eyes was difficult, but he succeeded. He wanted to move, but his body was sore, and a groan left his lips.

“Don’t move, Kaoru-chan…” A soft voice said, and he felt a hand on his  forehead.

            When he turned slowly his head, he noticed Kotone, with reddened eyes, awkwardly smiling.

“Big sis…”

“Shh, it’s okay, Everything's fine now.”

            She didn’t stop her caresses on his face, and he felt a little bit better to feel his sister’s warm.

“I saw mom…”

“Huh?”

“She said… she loved us… and even me…”

“Of course she loved you…” She leaned towards him and kissed him, and didn’t move.

He felt water on his face and, even if he was half-awaken, he knew that it was Kotone’s tears.

“Of course she loved you.” She repeated. “And I love you too… I was so scared….!”

            She cried louder, and the only thing Kaoru could do was to whisper a sorry that he didn’t understand himself.

 

            The second time he opened his eyes, he was alone, and felt a little better. He was aware of the place he was, and of his state, even if he didn’t remember at all what happened. Kotone didn’t tell him, because she was unable to talk about it, but one of the nurses explained him in brief. And no matter what she had said, he couldn’t remember. It was normal, apparently, because of the shock, and because he also hit his head. It bothered him a little bit, but decided it wasn’t important for now.

            He sighed and tried to move, but it wasn’t easy with his broken leg. Apparently, he had had a lot of luck not to be more wounded ( _“it is more a miracle than luck”_ Juri had said). Sure. It was better than to be dead. He sighed, and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep again. It was the only thing he could do in an hospital. He didn’t know the hour, but it wasn’t a problem. He was still really tired, and he wondered if he would ever be in a good state one day.

            He was about to fall back to sleep when he heard a knock on the door. At first, he thought it was his imagination: after all, he had dreamt of his mother telling him it wasn’t his fault, and that she was proud of him and, especially, loved him. It was all his imagination, something he wanted to heard, he had decided, but deep inside him, it wanted it to be true. He heard a second knock and this time, it was so strong that he knew it wasn’t his imagination. So he authorized the person to enter, thinking it was maybe a nurse, but it actually was Rei. Kaoru blinked and looked at the clock. It was two pm. What was Rei doing here?

“Hey.” The black-haired man said, and he stared at him as if he had seen something really strange.

“Rei? Don’t you have classes?”

“You’re more important.” The answer was. “I wanted to come this morning but… It was already late when the teacher told me, and I received a text from Kotone only at noon, so…”

            Rei was paler than usually, Kaoru noticed, and his eyes were swelled up as if he hadn’t slept.

“Are you alright?”

“I should be the one asking, Kaoru-kun. _Are you alright?_ ”

“Perfect. I’m ready to go outside and have dates.”

            Rei rolled his eyes and came closer, as if he was ready to hit him on his head, but stopped and sat on the chair. He then stared at him without saying a word, and when Kaoru was about to ask him (again) how he was, UNDEAD’s leader stated:

“I wasn’t wrong, in the end. You’re _always_ in awkward situation.”

“It’s not...my fault!” Kaoru sulked.

            He tried avoiding problems, but problems always found him, strangely enough. He was a problems magnets, and once in his life, he would like to take rid of it, once and forever. Rei chuckled, but it wasn’t his usual chuckle.

“Hey, are you alright?” Kaoru worriedly asked.

“I am, don’t worry.”

“But you looks sick. Do you try to join me at the hospital?” He joked.

“Hm… No, thank you.”

            Kaoru pulled a face.

“So hm… How is everyone?”

“Worried. Doggie and Adonis-kun will come later, they said.”

“Oh. I’ll have a lot of visits, today~” He smiled. “But what about the practices, though?”

“The practices? You’re at the hospital, with a broken leg, after a terrible accident, and you think about the practices?”

“Hey, there’s the dreamfes soon!”

“We’ll withdraw.”

“No! We can’t!”

“Yes, we do. You’re injured, Kaoru! UNDEAD has four members, not three.”

“Can’t we do it later? Don’t cancel the dreamfes because of me.”

            He didn’t want the dreamfes being cancelled only because he was at the hospital. He didn’t want it to be his fault. He wasn’t ready to live the same thing again.

“It’s okay, Kaoru. Everybody understands and…”

“No! Don’t cancel it!”

            He clenched his fists. Rei stared at him, blinking, and suddenly stood, before sitting on the edge of the bed. Then, he took Kaoru in his arms; the blond man winced because of the pain he felt in his arm, but answered back the embrace. It really felt good to be between Rei’s arms. He didn’t know why but it comforted him a lot. He was jealous of the boyfriends Rei had in the past. _Wow, calm down, brain. Don’t be jealous. You’re not gay, thank you._

“It’s okay, Kaoru-kun. It’s not your fault, and nobody is angry.”

“But I…”

“No. No more but. It’s _not_ your fault. This dreamfes will be cancelled, and we’ll get our revenge later.”

“Later…” He repeated in a whisper. “When? After the New Year, there are exams and the graduation.”

“We’ll see when time comes. For now, just think about your health, okay?”

“Yeah…”

“It’s a little yeah, Kaoru-kun.”

“I just…” Kaoru sighed. “I’m just tired, actually.”

            _Liar. I’m feeling bad about this. And Kotone had also cancelled her projects yesterday, because of me. I want her happy and yet, I do the contrary._ What a good brother he was!

“If you need to sleep, do it, Kaoru-kun. Don’t bother for me, okay~? I’ll have a book, I can read until you wake up~”

“You look like a mom.”

“What?”

“It’s what every mom in series will do.”

“Okay, so I’m your mom for today~”

“It’s scary.”

            Rei laughed. He seemed way better now, on the contrary of Kaoru who still couldn’t accept the cancellation of the dreamfes. After all the training they had done, it was over like that, because of him? _Crap! Annoying._ He took his blanket and hid under it, recovering every inch of his body.

“Kaoru-kun, what are you doing?”

“You need your coffin, and I need my blanket, that’s all.”

            He heard a sigh and a ‘stubborn child’, before hearing a bag being opened and soon after, a book’s pages. Kaoru moved a little bit his blanket and glanced at his best friend, reading, and especially squinting.

“You should see an ophthalmologist.” Kaoru stated. “It’s not good for your eyes.”

“You should take care of yourself before thinking about other.” The reply was.

“Fine. Good night.”

“Good nap, Kaoru-kun.”

            He sighed under his blanket and closed his eyes. He opened them soon after he thought, but he was groggy, so he probably slept a little bit. He moved a little bit his blanket, and found Rei still reading.

He couldn’t help but watch him read, how his black hair fell on his shoulder, surrounding his pale face ; and Kaoru was sure it was less pale than when he entered in the room. His two beautiful red eyes were squinted because, no matter what he said, Rei’s sight was getting worse every day. Like that, focused on his book, Rei looked like one of these statues in a museum, and Kaoru couldn’t help but bit his lips, staring at Rei’s skin. He hadn’t noticed that Rei was so… handsome. Now he could see why he had a lot of fans. _Uh-oh. I really have strange ideas these last days._ But Rei was handsome, and he only noticed now. _I’ll put it on the accident._

            Kaoru stared at his friend for a moment, before finally deciding to come out from the blanket. Rei raised his eyes towards him and smiled.

“Finally awake, Sleepy Beauty?”

“Don’t talk as if I slept for hours. It was only fifteen minutes.”

“Fifteen minutes?” Rei chuckled. “It’s been two hours actually.”

“What?”

            He looked at the clock, opened his mouth, but closed it soon after.

“Impossible.”

“You were tired, after all.”

“I won’t be able to sleep tonight.”

“Oh, I’m sure you will, don’t worry for that.”

            Kaoru would like to be as confident as Rei, but he couldn’t. Except for a miracle, he was sure he wouldn’t sleep that night. Maybe he should ask someone to knock him out. It was the best thing to do, now.

“So, you’re feeling better, now?”

“I guess.”

            He rubbed his neck. If he forget about what he had thought about his best friend, he was fine. Someone knocked at the door and Kaoru tilted his head. Rei told him it probably was UNDEAD’s other members, and so they opened the door. But it wasn’t Adonis, nor Koga: a woman was standing at the door, a child in front of her. Kaoru blinked before opening his eyes wide: he recognized the child, now! Wow, so he really jumped to save this boy? He was amazing! Or stupid, he didn’t know.

            The two people entered the room and the child gave Kaoru a teddy bear.

“Thank you for having saved my son. I’ll always be grateful.” The woman said.

“Thank you~” The child repeated.

“It… It was normal!” Kaoru blushed.

“You’re the only who reacted, so I guess it wasn’t for a lot of other people.”

“I just noticed it in time.” He whispered.

“You could have ignored it. But you risked your life for him. Thank you.”

            The woman bowed, soon followed by her son. He couldn’t have ignored it. He didn’t remember what had happened in his mind at this very moment, but he was sure the scene probably reminded him his mother’s death.

“I...Well, you’re welcome?” He stammered.

            He didn’t know what to answer at all.

“Please, take care of yourself.” The woman continued, before bowing once again, and leaving the room with her child.

            Kaoru blinked. He didn’t understand what had just happened. Did someone just thank him for what he had done? He couldn’t believe it. The door got closed and, arms folded, Rei stared at him with a soft smile.

“What a hero~”

“I’m not!”

“You are, at least for this child and his mother.”

            Kaoru pulled a face. He wasn’t a hero, and didn’t want to be one, no matter for who. He was just a man who wanted to live a normal life. It wasn’t currently the case - being hit by a car instead of the child wasn’t something normal - but he would make sure he would be a normal man after that. He hoped people would forget what he had done. Except Kotone because she was right to be angry against him. He knew she wasn’t angry, that she had been worried a lot, but he had spoilt her night, and he was angry against himself for that.

            Rei came closer to him, and kissed Kaoru forehead, making him blink and almost agape.

“Huh? Why…?”

“Because you’re a little child too stubborn~”

“What is this stupid reason?”

            Why did he kiss him? Okay, it was only on the forehead, but coming from Rei, it was strange.

“You think it’s a stupid reason?”

“It is.”

“Ah, young men…~”

“Stop playing the old man, Rei.”

“What a brat. Should I kiss you again to make sure you won’t talk?”

“It won’t work twice.”

“It depends of the place I kiss you~”

“What!?”

            Rei laughed loudly, and he stammered that Kaoru was really too fun when he was shocked. And to be shocked, Kaoru was! Was Rei serious? Did he really mean it? _Where does he want to kiss me? Oh, maybe the cheeks? Where else, anyway?_ A little voice inside his mind told him that lips also existed, but it was a stupid idea he rejected straight away. On the lips? No way! Besides, he knew that Rei was smart enough not to do a thing like that.

“You won’t dare.” Kaoru finally muttered when he took back his composure.

“Oh, are you sure about that, Kaoru-kun?”

            _Not at all_. But he was sure Rei wouldn’t try something stupid like that.

“You’re too smart for that.”

“Me, smart? I’m not sure it’s the best descriptive for me~” Rei stated, getting closer to him.

            Once again, he sat on the edge of the bed, and cupped Kaoru’s face with his hands. Kaoru shivered without noticing at the contact of the warm skin against his jaw, and his eyes opened wide when he noticed how _close_ Rei was. _Nah, he won’t do it,_ Kaoru tried to convince himself. Rei was probably joking, yet, Kaoru couldn’t stop his heartbeats going faster.

“Are you _that_ sure, Kaoru-kun…?” Rei whispered sensually.

            No, he wasn’t at all. Actually, he was more expecting it than anything. _No, no, we shouldn’t! I mean… I’m not gay, I shouldn’t be expecting Rei kissing me. Seriously. This accident was terrible._ Their lips were so close that Kaoru could feel Rei’s breath on his lips. If he moved forwards, even a little bit, they would kiss. _Fuck, no!_ He should stop his best friend before it was too late but, at the same time, a little voice told him he should try new things. _I don’t want to try new things, god damn it!_ Rei squinted and flicked Kaoru’s forehead before stepping away with a grin on his face.

“You should see your face, it’s really funny to see, Kaoru-kun~”

“You’re lucky I can’t stand up because I would have purchased you!”

“Why? You’re frustrated? You want me to kiss you really~?”

“Of course not! I’m not gay!”

            Maybe he seemed angry when he answered - when he wasn’t, he just tried to convince himself he didn’t want Rei to kiss him - because Rei’s grin disappeared right away, and his friend became serious.

“I know. You don’t need to be so mean like that. I know you’re not gay. You repeated it enough.”

“That’s not… what you think!”

“What I think? I just thought I was a monster for you, that’s all.”

“What? No, you’re not! Listen, it’s… complicated.”

            _Complicated, yeah, that’s the word._ What should he tell him? _‘Sorry, actually, I wanted you to kiss me but I’m scared of what it means so I’m rejecting you’?_ He couldn’t tell him something like that, right? He was pretty sure that Rei wouldn’t like it.

“Complicated, sure.”

            Rei didn’t seem to believe him, and Kaoru was searching for a way to explain without giving out his turmoil, when someone knocked and entered the room without waiting.

“Hello, hello, we’re here~” Kotone sing-sang.

“Hakaze-senpai!”

“What a state. You’re annoying.”

            Kaoru blinked when he noticed that his sister wasn’t alone, but followed by Adonis and Koga. His sister with his unit members. What a bad idea!

“I have to go.” Rei stated, and Kaoru was certain he heard his voice breaking.

“Wait, Rei, I…”

            But he couldn’t finish his sentence as his best friend left the room without even a look to him. _Ohoh, he’s really angry…_ He knew he had fucked more than he intended too, and he really didn’t know how to repair that. _Fuck!_

 


	7. Chapter 7

           Snow was falling, and it was difficult for Kaoru to walk with his crutches. He was heading towards the Marine Life Club’s room, unfortunately slowly, even if he didn’t know what he would be able to do there, but at least he wouldn’t be stared like everyone did since his comeback, in the morning. Kanata wouldn’t mind it, anyway, and Souma couldn’t care less about him. It would be the perfect place to be alone and think.

            Since what happened at the hospital, Rei was distant with him. They sent texts, and Rei even paid him another visit, but it wasn’t the same than before. And every time Kaoru tried to apologize, tried to explain the misunderstanding, something happened: someone entered the room they were, or Rei changed the subject (he clearly didn’t want to talk about it) and when his best friend was okay to listen, no words came from Kaoru’s mouth. _I’m a coward._

            He sighed and entered the club room. There, all the eyes turned towards him but no one said a word, and he was able to sat on a chair near the jellyfishes tank. Sometimes, Kaoru wondered how there could be so many different fishes in this room, but he didn’t dare asking Kanata about that. It would be really long and, actually, he was afraid to be partner in crime with him (because, clearly, it wasn’t normal there was so many different fishes in these tanks).

“Kaoru, you’re back. I’m glad you’re ‘fine’.”

            Fine wasn’t really the best word Kaoru would have use to describe his state, but he guessed it could have been worse.

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Take care of you. I don’t want to lose a ‘friend’, you know?”

“I’m sorry.”

            Near them, Souma, arms folded, stared at him with no expression on his face. He then stepped away and Kaoru shrugged. Well, at least, he wouldn’t be sliced by Souma. _Even if I deserve it…_ , Kaoru thought, thinking about Rei’s behavior. _I’m really stupid. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. Fuck._ And he regret it, his behavior as well as the missed kiss. It wouldn’t have killed him to try, at least. He had wanted it, even if he still didn’t understand why. _Well, Rei is handsome, and he was very close, so maybe..._ But it was a little bit difficult and strange. It would be easier if it was with an unknown, someone who didn’t know him and that he would never meet again. Rei was his friend, someone who knew him the best after his sister, and it was… strange. He was afraid that it could destroy their relationship. _I already destroyed it with four words…_

“Hakaze-dono.”

            Kaoru raised his eyes towards Souma who was standing in front of him now, a box in his hands.

“Souma-kyun~”

“Adonis-dono told me what happened.” He handed the box, Kaoru blinked. “It’s for you. Next time, try not to jump into problems.”

“Yeah, well… Thank you, Souma-kun~”

            Souma shrugged and turned towards the club president who was feeding the fishes.

“Don’t you help him today?” He asked, opening the box.

            Cookies, and it seemed delicious. He was surprised that Souma did something like that for him.

“He wants to do it himself, today.” Souma pouted, upset.

            Souma loved to feed the fishes, no wonder he was so upset. So now they were two members having nothing to do in the club. Great. Kaoru took a cookie and tasted him.

“Wow, it’s delicious, Souma-kun~”

“I’m glad you like it.” The answer was. “Anyway, you should go back home. Can someone take you back home? You can’t go back by foot, it will be dangerous.”

“Oh, it’s okay, don’t worry. I already came by foot.”

“Are you serious? You’re crazy.”

“Yeah, I know~”

            Kotone didn’t have her driver licence, and Juri had to go to work early that day, so impossible for him to come by car. He wouldn’t have asked her, anyway. She had been really gentle to have taking care of the puppy when he was at the hospital (he had been really glad to learn that Kotone and Juri had found him on the accident place when they localized his phone).

“Don’t worry for me. I can take care of myself.”

            Souma arched his brow, showing how he doubted about that fact, but didn’t comment further. They didn’t talk for a moment, until Kaoru decided he needed to talk about his problem with someone, and Souma could maybe help him (he would like to ask Kanata, but he seemed in his own world, so he didn’t know if it was a good idea).

“Souma-kun, can I ask you something… strange?”

“You’re strange yourself, so a question coming from you is strange.”

“Hahaha…”

            And Souma seemed proud of that. Kaoru shook his head.

“Did you already have strange thoughts about… a close friend?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean… Did you already have thoughts about a close friend that you shouldn’t have?”

            Souma’s face became red and he draw his katana without Kaoru noticing it at first.

“Are you making fun of me!?”

“W-what? Of course not! It’s a serious question!”

“You ask me that when you know about… my relationship with Adonis-dono? You definitively make fun of me!”

            Kaoru blinked before opening his mouth in a perfect o. He totally forgot about Adonis and Souma’s relationship.

“No, I assure you, it wasn’t my intention! I totally forgot about it, actually!”

            _But it can help me! Before being together, they probably had the same problem as me, right?_

“How was it before you were together? I mean… Did you have strange thoughts about Adonis?”

“What kind of thoughts?”

“I don’t know… Kissing, for example?”

            Souma’s face was still red, and he avoided Kaoru’s eyes. His fist clenched on his katana, and Kaoru was ready to protect himself with his crutches.

“I… Yes.” He finally answered. “That’s how I know that I loved him.”

            Kaoru’s heart skipped a beat. _Calm down, Kaoru. It means nothing._

“And hm… How did you deal with it?”

“Why do you ask me that?” Souma frowned.

“Out of curiosity. I wonder how it happened, that’s all.”

            Soula seemed to think a little bit before finally answering:

“I had hard time to deal with it,” he confessed, “because… I don’t know. You always see couples of men and women, not only men, or only women. So, I thought it was bad. But… I thought about it a lot, and asked advice to some people, and finally, I decided it wasn’t bad to love another man.”

“And you confessed to Adonis-kun, then.”

“No. Before that, I told my parents.”

“You… What?”

“I wanted Adonis-dono to be accepted. So I told them the truth.”

“And… Did it go well?”

“If it hadn’t, I wouldn’t be alive at this very moment, Hakaze-dono.”

            Oh. That was a frank answer, at least.

“Thank you for your answer, Souma-kyun~”

 _Fuck. I don’t want to be in love with a man. I love women, I can’t be in love with a man. Maybe it’s just because of the accident?_ It was clearly impossible, but Kaoru couldn’t accept the fact that he really wanted Rei to kiss him. _I was tired that day. It explains a lot._ It didn’t explain why he wanted to be hugged by his best friend that much. _Friends can hug each other._

“Why are you asking me that?”

“I told you, I was just curious.”

“Hakaze-dono.” Souma called. “You’re the last one to be curious about gay thing. So?”

“I have to go.”

“Hakaze-dono.”

“There’s a lot of snow, it will take time to come back. Good bye Souma-kyun, good bye, Kanata-kun.”

“Good bye Kaoru, take care.” Kanata greeted him.

            Souma didn’t answer. Kaoru took his crutches and left the room as fast as he could, and once alone, he sighed. He couldn’t tell him what was happening in his mind, because not only he didn’t even know himself, but also because he felt that he would say something really bad, and Souma would have definitively sliced him.

            He walked forwards the school entrance, ready to walk until Kotone and Juri’s apartment, but stopped when he noticed Rei waiting there. _Uh-oh. I can’t leave the school without him noticing me. Maybe he will ignore me? Maybe he’s waiting for Ritsu?_ Thinking that Rei could ignore him made him shiver. He hated this thought.

            He continued on his way, wondering what would happened, when Rei raised his eyes towards him. Kaoru stopped. _Whoops, noticed. Mayday, mayday!_

“Ah, hello Sakuma-san~ You’re waiting for Ritsu?”

 _That’s right, let’s play as if everything was normal in the best world possible._ He wanted to slap himself sometimes.

“No. I was waiting for you.”

“For me?” He repeated. “Why?”

“You don’t think you’ll go back home like that?”

“What? Is it a kidnapping?” He joked but Rei shook his head.

“Let’s go to the car.”

“It’s okay, I can-”

“You can nothing. In the car, now.”

            Rei was jaded. Not pissed off by Kaoru’s behavior, or even angry. Just jaded. Kaoru was a little bit afraid of going back home with Rei, but he wouldn’t lie by saying it didn’t please him. At least, even if their relationship was (very) awkward since that day at the hospital, not everything was lost.

“Thank you.”

            Rei took his bag before saying:

“That’s what friends are for.”

            And he smiled. And fuck, Kaoru hadn’t been so happy to see Rei smiled, especially since their argument. _I never noticed his smile was beautiful… Wait, not again!_ Trying not to show his despair, he thanked his best friend for the help and once they were in front of the car, entered inside with his help. Then, Rei came at the driver place, and once ready, the car left the school.

            They stayed quiet during the way, and it was unnerving. Kaoru’s fingers were playing on his left leg. He hated this silence between them, but he didn’t know what to do to break it, and it pissed him off. _I should apologize,_ he thought, but he was scared to get his best friend angry for bringing the subject once again, and not even saying a word. That’s why he didn’t try, at least not until they arrived in front of the building he lived in.

“There. You’re back safe and sound, Kaoru-kun.”

“Hm… Thank you.” Kaoru said, before continuing: “And hm… I’m sorry. For what I said the week before.”

            Rei didn’t look at him but he made a kind of rejection with his hand, and it hurt Kaoru. _Fine._

“Listen, I know you don’t care of my apologize and all, but I needed it because I didn’t think what I thought. I mean… I’m lost, okay? I don’t know what’s happening, if this is because of the accident, or if I’m just stupid, but I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

“You’re lost? You’re not, you’re here~”

“... It’s not fun, Rei. I’m being serious.”

“I know.” The black-haired man sighed. “We all have this moment.”

“We?”

“Don’t play dumb, Kaoru. You know what I mean.”

            Yes, he knew, and no, he wouldn’t accept it. He couldn’t, not now, maybe never. He loved women, not men. Right? And even if he did…

“I have to go.”

“Kaoru-kun.”

            He opened the door, and did his best to leave the car, but when he was about to stand up, Rei caught his hand and stated:

“It’s normal to be scared, but you won’t be able to run away for a long time.”

            Kaoru opened his mouth, ready to ask him if he wanted to bet, but he shut up because he knew he would lose. He always lost when he bet with Rei. So he didn’t answer Rei’s last sentence, thanked him, and wished his best friend a good evening, before entering the building. Once inside, he took a deep breath and glanced outside, but Rei’s car was already nowhere to be seen. _Did I fuck up again?_

            But he didn’t, he noticed the next days. Rei talked with him as if everything was normal, and it relieved him a lot. He had been scared that his friend was angry for his behavior, but fortunately, he didn’t mind it. On the contrary, every morning and every evening, Rei took him in his car, avoiding him to walk in the snow with his crutches. It was as if nothing happened, but Kaoru knew more than anyone that the problem was still there, and it was because of him.

            Three days before Christmas, Kaoru was peeling potatoes in the kitchen, Miku, the puppy, lying near his feet. He was lost in his thoughts. If everything had been alright, he would have been singing and dancing the next day, against Ryuseitai, but of course, he had fucked everything up. He still felt bad for that, no matter what Rei, Koga, and Adonis said. He sighed and looked at Miku, and smiled softly.

“At least, you’re not annoyed with strange thoughts, honey~”

            And she was the only girl wanting to be with him, currently. Well, he could have a date, but with crutches and his broken leg, it was clearly impossible. He sighed and went back on his peeling, trying not to think about Rei, and the meaning of his strange feelings.

“Kaoru-chan?”

            Kaoru stopped what he was doing and looked at his sister who had a big smile on her lips.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, of course. It’s only peeling potatoes~ I may be stupid, but not enough not to know peeling something~”

“That’s not what I was talking about, you idiot.” She pulled a face.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. I’m just tired.”

“Go to bed early, today, okay?”

“Hmhm.”

“Also…” She started to dance and she looked like a little girl, ready to open a present. “It’s soon Christmas!”

“Congrats. You know your dates~”

“Ow, you’re mean, Teddy bear~”

“Stop calling me like that!”

“We’re doing Christmas at home.” She ignored him. “Are you doing it with us, or did you plan something? We didn’t talk about it, and it was stupid from us, because we forgot about the diner.”

            Oh. He also forgot that, not because he didn’t care, but because it was the first time they would do Christmas. But it also was Kotone’s first Christmas with Juri, and she had the right to spend time with her girlfriend alone, without him being there to bother them. _Once I can do that, I’ll search for an apartment._ He wouldn’t be an adult before two years, thought, and would annoy them again.

“I… don’t spend Christmas with you, sorry.”

“Oh.”

            Kotone seemed upset and Kaoru tried to get back the smile on her lips.

“Actually, I thought that you wanted to be alone with Juri for Christmas, so I asked Sakuma-san if he wanted to spend it with me and… Well, he accepted.”

            It was a big lie. He never asked Rei, he was sure his friend had things already scheduled for Christmas. He sent a lot of texts, he noticed, and he probably had found someone to spend Christmas with. Kaoru was a little bit jealous with that, but he would keep it for himself.

“I knew it!”

            Kotone’s sudden outburst startled Kaoru who blinked.

“I’m sorry?”

“I knew there was something between you and Sakuma-kun. I’m so glad for you~”

Her smile was big, and her eyes full of sparkles, and it hurt Kaoru to correct her.

“There’s nothing between me and Rei, Kotone.”

“Huh, what? But you’re spending Christmas together, right?”

“Because he had nothing to do that day, and because I want to let you alone with Juri. It’s just a Christmas between friends.”

“Oh…”

            She was upset now, and Kaoru looked away. He hated to see her sad.

“And I thought there was a thing between the two of you.” She sighed.

“Uh, I love women, big sis.”

“Well, you know, loving women doesn’t mean something. I mean… You can be bi.”

“Bi?” He repeated.

“Yeah, bi. Loving women _and_ men.”

            Bi. He had never thought it was possible to love both genders, actually. For Kaoru, it was either women or men, but not the two.

“Me, bi? Seriously? I would have known it.”

“You’re serious?” She arched an eyebrow. “I’m 20 and I only understood this year that I was lesbian, you know? Always dating girls doesn’t mean you’re straight. Maybe you’ll learn later that you also love men~”

Kaoru paled. He never thought he could love both. _Crap, I didn’t need that right now! Thank you, Kotone…_

“Kaoru, are you alright?” She asked.

“Yeah.”

            No.

“Anyway,” she shook her head, “thank you for Christmas. You could have informed us before, though.” She pouted.

“Sorry. We decided today.”

“I see... “ She tilted her head. “Do you need help for the dinner?”

“No, it’s okay, don’t worry. I’ll call you when it will be finished~”

“I can’t wait! I like your curry~”

            Kotone chuckled and left the kitchen, leaving his brother with his potatoes and his puppy. He stared at the potato he was holding, then looked at the puppy.

“Miku, I think I have a problem.”

            And he wasn’t talking about the lie he just told his sister.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very long chapter, sorry about that. I couldn't cut it because... Well, you'll see~

“Where are you going to spend Christmas?”

“Sakuma’s house.”

“I see…~”

“Kotone, I already told you there was nothing between Rei and me.”

“Yeah, sure~”

            Kaoru rolled his eyes while putting his scarf. He then petted Miku and told her to stay quiet, and the puppy barked. He was sad to let her alone at home, but she would be with Kotone and Juri so everything would be alright. They had done their walk together, he  hadfeeded her, and had spent a lot of time with the dog. She would be alright.

“I go, now!”

“Take care, okay?”

“Don’t worry. Rei comes with his car.”

“Don’t do forbidden things inside then~”

“Kotone!”

            She laughed and he patted a last time the puppy.

“It’s okay, she will be safe, Mom Kaoru~”

            Kaoru pulled a face and left the apartment, wishing a merry Christmas to his sister who asked him to send a text once he was at Rei’s home. He smiled and entered the elevator. Once alone, he sighed and rubbed his neck, looking at his bag. He hoped his sister would never know about this lie, because she would definitely kill him.

            When he left the building, he met Juri coming back from work, and wished him a merry Christmas.

“Have fun, teddy bear!” She answered with a smile.

            Since their first meet, she called him teddy bear, and it annoyed him. And because she knew it, she continued to call him like that. He waited for her to enter the building, then he walked away from him, taking care of not falling in the snow. Because if he fell, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stand up alone, and calling his sister for help would mean confessing his lie.

            So he walked slowly, not knowing where to go, until he arrived near the Christmas market. He found a bench, removed the snow on it, and sat. He looked at the stars, wishing Miku was with him; but snow was bad for her little paws; and then took his phone and sent a text to his sister.

            After that, he stared at the big Christmas tree in the middle of the market and wondered what to do. He could spend time in the market, and then eat in a fastfood. As for sleeping… A manga café would be good. He felt stupid. He could have spent Christmas with his sister and sister-in-law, and yet, he was outside, alone, a bag with clothes on his legs, wondering what to do. He thought about his mother, the words she told him in this strange dream of his. _Are you still proud of me, mom? I lied to my beloved sister, and I’m not able to accept my feelings… What should I do?_ He wished he wasn’t such a coward.

            He finally decided to go to the market, and was about to take his crutches when his phone vibrated. Humming, he took it and read the text, thinking it was from his sister, but the name appearing on the screen was ‘Rei’. _Huh, it’s strange. Why does he text me? Isn’t he with whoever he spends Christmas with?_ It pissed him off to know Rei was spending this special night with someone else than him, and it pissed him off to think like that. Rei wasn’t his property, nor his boyfriend, and had the right to do whatever he wanted. He closed his eyes, trying to calm down his heartbeats, and then opened the text.

_“Where are you?”_

            Kaoru blinked. Where was he? Why did Rei want to know?

_“At home, with my family~”_

            His phone vibrated once again, so quickly that he wondered how Rei could write so fast while being with someone. _This man is a mystery._

_“Oh, really? It’s strange, because your sister sent me a text, thanking me for spending Christmas with you.”_

            Kaoru paled. Crap! He had told her not to send a text, that she didn’t need to do that! He was screwed now.

_“Where the fuck are you!?”_

            He sighed and rubbed his neck. Where he was, huh…? He wanted to say “in your heart” just to annoy him, but knowing Rei, he would find him without hints about the place and kill him for this stupid joke. Yes, definitely not a good idea.

 _“Christmas Market.”_ He finally answered.

_“Oh, you’re close. Don’t move.”_

_“What? No, don’t bother yourself for me. Seriously, stay with your date!”_

_“Which date? I don’t have a date.”_

_“What? But you sent a lot of texts this week?”_

_“Since when do you spy what I’m doing?”_

_“I didn’t spy. You did it in front of everyone.”_

_“Don’t move.”_

            It was a subject change or Kaoru was dumb. How did he want him to move, anyway? With crutches, it wasn’t easy for him, and Rei would have time to meet him twice with the speed he could walk. So, pouting, Kaoru waited for his friend, hoping not to be scolded once again, because he really didn’t think bad when he had this stupid idea. _I hope he didn’t say a thing to Kotone…,_ and barely had he thought that, that Kotone sent him a text. His heart skipped a beat. _God damn it, Rei, I hope you didn’t do that…!_ He took a deep breath, ready to get scolded by his sister, and had a big surprise when he finally read the text.

_“I forgot to tell you, but when I went into your room to get your bag, i noticed you’ve forgotten Rei’s present~ So I put it inside. Merry Christmas~ :) “_

            She had put Rei’s present into his bag. He didn’t intend to take it, as he shouldn’t have seen Rei that night, but right now, he thanked his sister from the bottom of his heart. Fortunately for him, she was always here. _If she continues like that, I’ll stay with her forever,_ he chuckled. He was lucky to have her. He smiled and thanked her with a text, wishing her a merry Christmas. He hoped that everything would be alright for Juri and Kotone, but he hadn’t doubts about that. He had seen how much they cared for each other, and knowing that his sister was happy made him happy.

            _She accepted who she is. She’s not like me. She’s not stupid._ The turmoil of his own sexuality bothered him a lot, to the point that he had strange dreams where he had a girlfriend and a boyfriend at the same time. He was pretty sure it wasn’t the true concept of being bi (and he was pretty sure he would be slapped if one of them learnt he had another lover…). Dreams were strange, always, but Kotone’s words had been strong, and he started to consider being bi. He tried to find any man he could be attracted to, but except Rei (and a little bit Souma, but he was sure it was because he first thought he was a girl), nobody else came in mind. _Maybe I’m just gay for Rei._ It could have been anyone, but no, he had fallen for Rei. _‘I’m not gay’, I said… Of course… I believe it._ It made him chuckle, jaded though.

            Something touched his shoulder, and he startled, almost jumping.

“Why are you laughing like an idiot?”

            Kaoru sighed of relief when he understood it was Rei, and finally answered:

“Because I imagined you falling in the snow.”

“Did you mean ‘you’?”

            Kaoru pulled a face and stood up.

“I can’t believe you lied to your sister.”

“Hey, I wanted her to spend time with Juri. It wasn’t a bad idea.”

“And where were you going to sleep?”

“A manga-café?”

“You’re serious? It’s Christmas, Kaoru-kun.”

“Oh, really? I didn’t know at all.” Kaoru rolled his eyes.

            Rei sighed and took his bag putting it on his shoulders. Kaoru hoped he would get rid of these crutches soon, because he started disliking to be unable to do things by himself.

“So, what were you going to do, tonight?” Rei asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe the Christmas Market, but…”

            Difficult with crutches, and annoying alone.

“What about you?”

“Nothing.”

“You do nothing with your family?”

“Ritsu spends Christmas with Mao.” Rei explained, and he seemed really proud of that fact. “And my parents spend the night outside.”

“So you’re really alone?”

“Now you’re here.”

“Why didn’t you ask me to spend Christmas with you?”

“I could ask you the same, Kaoru-kun.”

            Touché.

“So, do we go to the market?”

“If you want.” Kaoru shrugged.

            They finally went there, slowly because of Kaoru (and it was frustrating, he thought). The market was big, with a lot of illuminations, and lots of people, some still buying presents. In the center, there was big Christmas tree that was beautifully decorated. They walked slowly in the market, talking about things and others, commenting some of the shops that were there. Suddenly, Rei stopped and grinned. Kaoru knew it was a bad thing.

“Don’t move.”

“Good, because I can’t really, you know.”

            But Rei didn’t listen and left without any further words, letting Kaoru alone. Kaoru watched him disappeared amongst people, and he sighed. _Seriously, he abandoned me?_ Maybe he deserved it. Maybe he had said something bad without noticing, and Rei got pissed off? _No no, he was grinning. He’s preparing something._ He waited for ten minutes a least and, not seeing Rei coming back, he wondered if his friend got lost. _Do I send him a text?_ He was getting cold, actually, and just wanted to move.

            Suddenly, he felt something on his head.

“I’m back~”

            When Kaoru looked at Rei, his eyes opened wide.

“Don’t tell me you disappeared for ten minutes just to buy Santa Claus’ hats…?”

“Kufufu, what do you think?” Rei showed a big bag that seemed filled with warm things. “There’s nothing to eat back home, so I brought some things to the fast food.”

“I could have come.”

“No. You’re tired of walking, Kaoru-kun. I wouldn’t have asked you to walk more for something I can do alone.”

“But…!”

“Besides, we’re closer to home from there than from the fast food, right? So, no complains~”

            Kaoru nodded and thanked him. He wondered how his friend could know that he was tired, especially when he tried his best not to show it, but then he remembered that finding things about people was Rei’s hobbies. It meant that Rei watched him all along. Strangely, he blushed. _Fuck._

“So, we go back home? I’m sure your legs, and our stomachs, will be grateful.”

“Yes, let’s go.”

            They headed towards Sakuma’s house, the smell of the burgers intoxicating their senses. Kaoru tried his best to go fast, but Rei told him to calm down and to walk the best it was for him, even if it took them twenty minutes instead of five to go home. Kaoru pouted and almost fell, but took back his balance in time. He noticed Rei’s grin, and pulled a face, before walking slower.

            When they finally arrived home, he sighed of relief when he felt the warm of the house. He removed his coat and his scarf, that he put on the coat rack, and the two friends went to the dinner room where Rei put their burgers on the table, with the sauce, and the french fries. They sat in front of each other, and they started to eat their wonderful Christmas meal, mostly quietly, until Rei asked:

“So, how is it to eat with your best friend instead of a cute girl for Christmas?”

“Not that bad.”

“Wow, I feel honored now~ We should do it each year~”

“If you want.” Kaoru answered, even if he knew that Rei was joking.

“Wow, you’re ready to miss a date with a girl for me~”

“Hey, you’re my best friend. I told you, after all, that you’ll pass before girls!”

“Yeah, your best friend.”

            Kaoru didn’t know if it was him, but Rei seemed disappointed by this statement. His heart beated faster but he decided to ignore this. It couldn’t be what he thought it was. Rei would have told him, right?

“Thank you for the meal~” He changed the subject. “I’ll repay you.”

“No need for that. It’s Christmas, after all.”

“Yeah well, I bothered you because of my lie. Let me at least pay the meal.”

“Kaoru-kun, you don’t bother me. Actually, I’m glad you lied, because I would have been alone today.”

“You could have asked me to spend Christmas with you.”

“You were always talking as if you would spend it with your sister.”

“Fine. We’re both idiots.”

            Rei laughed and Kaoru couldn’t help but laugh with him. They finished their meal without talking, but it wasn’t unpleasant. On the contrary, it was comfortable. It wasn’t the first time Kaoru noticed he could be in the same room as Rei and not talk because it seemed normal for the both of them. Sometimes, he even thought that their feeling were more conveyed like that. It was the same with his sister, and he wondered if it wasn’t because of his past.

            For a moment, he looked at Rei who was staring in front of him without really noticing. His eyes locked on Rei’s fingers, taking a french frie, and putting in his mouth. Kaoru swallowed at the same time the french frie was between Rei’s lips, and he bit his own lips. _It’s...sexy._ He stopped what he was doing (drinking his coke). _Oh my god… He’s only eating a french frie, it’s not sexy at all!_ His eyes were still locked on Rei’s lips, through. _His lips are… beautiful. Tempting. Sexy._ And this french frie between them could be his tongue. _Fuck, no! It’s Christmas, I want my newly awaken sexuality to let me at peace for once._ But it was difficult, especially when the man in front of him was Rei.

            At the end of the meal, they both went to the living room. When they passed the entrance, Kaoru frowned and asked:

“What is it?” He pointed out the strange thing hanging at the ceiling.

“A mistletoe. When I was in England, for Christmas and New Year, they always hung mistletoe. And when a couple was under… They kissed.”

“Oh… And...Why is there a… whistletoe at the ceiling?”

“A mistletoe, not a whistletoe. I put it here for my parents when they’ll be back. I do that every year since I’m back.”

“How cute of you~”

“Fuck you. Don’t mock me.”

            Kaoru opened his mouth, ready to answer, but stopped when he noticed he was about to say ‘when you want’. _Maybe I’ll avoid that, because knowing Rei, he will take advantage of it and make fun of me._ He then pulled a face, and together, they sat on the sofa. They watched the TV, talked and laughed, and they ate their ice cream (from the fast food) as if it had been a Yule log.

            Five minutes before midnight, Rei went to the kitchen searching for a bottle that his parents had bought in case their son had invited someone ( _do they remember he isn’t an adult?_ ), and Kaoru looked at the roof. _For his parents. He’s serious? He thinks about his parents instead of himself?_ It was so… Rei. He played with his fingers, bit his lips, not knowing what to do. _I could give it a try, right…? But what if Rei dislike it? More than that, what if he judges me? Or what if our relationship ends because of that?_ So many questions, but no answer, and Kaoru didn’t know what to do. He wanted to try, at least to confirm his strange feelings, and, at the same time… He was afraid. Afraid of Rei’s reaction, afraid of the consequences…

It wouldn’t kill him, though. At best, good things would happen; at worst, their friendship ended. It was the most terrible outcome that scared him, and he hoped that nothing like that would even happen one day, no matter the reason. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and, with his crutches help, he stood up and walked towards the entrance.

            Rei came back with the bottle and two flutes, and stopped when he noticed Kaoru.

“Is there a problem?”

“Hm… Could you… close your eyes for two minutes?”

“Huh? Why?”

“Just do it.”

            Rei blinked, before shrugging and closing his eyes. Kaoru took a deep breath and did the only thing he wanted to do since day and had tried to deny it. His hands clenching on his crutches, he put his lips on Rei’s at the very moment where the clock rang midnight. Rei didn’t react, and Kaoru thought he was going to die of shame when he stepped away.

“Merry Christmas…” He whispered, before continuing: “Well hm… Let’s drink to celebrate Christmas~”

            He turned his back, hiding his red cheeks, and went back to the sofa. _Crap. Why did I do that? It was stupid. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Either he’s angry, or he hates me. I should go back home! Oh no, I can’t. Kotone and Juri… I can’t destroy their Christmas. Aaaaah no, I’m so ashamed! So stupid!_ He rubbed his neck, not knowing what to do, and Rei hadn’t even say a word. On the contrary, he just came back near the sofa, and put the bottle and the flutes  on the coffee table, before sitting on the sofa.

“Huh… ? You know that we won’t be able to drink if you don’t open the bottle?”

            _Let’s just drink and forget everything, pretty please…!_

“You…” Rei finally managed to say, and Kaoru didn’t know if he had to be scared or not.

            The black-haired man turned his face towards him, without any expression, even if his cheeks was redder than before.

“Why did you wait that I had things in my hands for that?”

“W-What?”

“Seriously, you could have waited that I put the bottle and the flutes on the table.”

“Well… Huh, the mistletoe…” Kaoru mumbled, unsure of what was actually happening.

            Was he angry or not?

“The mistletoe.” Rei repeated before continuing: “Do you really need the mistletoe for that?”

“Huh? Well, not really, but you put it there, and I don’t know what crossed my mind, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

“Sorry, yeah. Good you don’t need a mistletoe for that because I _don’t_ need a mistletoe and, fuck, Kaoru, what are we waiting to do it again, properly this time?”

            _What?_ Kaoru blinked, surprised, before closing his eyes when Rei quickly kissed him on the lips. On the moment, he didn’t answer the kiss, because a lot of questions was on his mind ( _how do we kiss a man?_ For example, and he felt it was a stupid question) and Rei broke the kiss, frowning a little bit.

“And here I thought you were accustomed~”

“No, that’s just... I don’t know… I’m scared of the future.”

“Stop thinking.” Rei rolled his eyes. “Just do what you want. You’ll think after.”

Kaoru opened his mouth, but no words came, and he finally nodded. Rei was right. He shouldn’t bother about the future, especially now. Rei leaned towards him, and this time, Kaoru answered the kiss, blushing, feeling so good that he put his arms around his friend’s neck. It didn’t seem to annoy the black-haired man who put a hand on his neck, the other one on his hips.

He felt something against his lips, and without thinking, he opened them. Rei’s tongue entered Kaoru’s mouth, and they deepened the kiss. It was strange to kiss his best friend, but not unpleasant. On the contrary, Kaoru liked it _a lot,_ and if he could, he wouldn’t stop it. But Rei decided for them and broke the kiss when needed air, and without thinking, Kaoru licked his lips. Rei grinned, a satisfied expression on his face.

“Looks like I’m good~”

“Shut up.”

“Sure, you prefer when I kiss you, right~?”

            He knew Rei was joking, but Kaoru was dead serious when he answered:

“Yeah.” Rei blinked, surprised. “What? You told me not to think and to do what I want. I’m following your advice.”

“Wow. Is it what we call ‘Christmas miracle’?”

            Kaoru rolled his eyes and pouted. Rei smiled before turning towards the coffee table, where he opened the bottle and poured it in the flutes. Then, he gave one to Kaoru, cheered, and they both drank. It wasn’t bad, Kaoru thought, but it wasn’t that good either. He wondered why adults were so eager of this drink, but he guessed it was a question of habit. But for the moment, he didn’t like it, and prefered Rei’s taste. _Greet, it’s getting better. I’m definitely gay for Rei._ The good thing was that Rei was gay; the bad thing was that Kaoru didn’t know if Rei would like to know that he was attractive for his best friend. He didn’t seem to be bothered by what had happened between them, but Kaoru couldn’t bet on it. After all, it was Christmas, it was late, and everything could happen. _Everything… Uh-oh. I hope it won’t go too far ‘cauz I’m not ready for that._

            When they finished their flutes, they put them back on the coffee table Then, without warning, Rei kissed him again and this time, Kaoru didn’t let him controlling the dance. Rei’s lips tasted alcohol: it wasn’t bad, clearly, but his original taste was way better than that. Their tongues met again in a languid and intoxicating kiss. They barely broke their kiss for twenty seconds before kissing again, and they did that for what seemed hours.

            Once the clock rang two am; and none of them noticed it was already that late, too busy with their mouths; they finally decided it was time to go to bed. If he hadn’t been tired, Kaoru would have tried to convince his best friend to stay on the sofa. However, he took his crutches and followed Rei till the stairs, before stopping.

“Oh, I forgot that… Don’t wait for me, I’ll be here in… fifteen minutes, maybe.”

“I have a better solution.”

“Huh?”

            Rei took the crutches and put them against the wall. Kaoru thought he wasn’t sure it was a better solution: he needed his crutches to walk after all, but his thoughts were cut when Rei took him in his arms. In bridal.

“Rei… Put me down.”

“Once we’ll be in my room.”

“Rei, it’s dangerous.”

            But Rei didn’t listen and started going up the stairs. Kaoru paled and closed his eyes, trying not to panic. This man was an idiot. And dangerous. Yet, they arrived in the bedrooms corridor without problem, at his astonishment, and once Rei had taken the crutches, they went to his room.

“So, who goes to the bathroom first?” Rei asked.

“I don’t know. My bag is in the living room, anyway.”

“Oh. That’s true.”

            Rei seemed to ponder for a moment before saying he was going to search for Kaoru’s bag, and like that, Kaoru would be able to take a bath or a shower. And so he did, Kaoru waiting peacefully. It’s been a while he hadn’t been at ease like that, and he didn’t know if it was thanks to Rei, or thanks to what happened, but it was good. Really, really good. He was calm, calmer than the past few days, and all the “don’t think, do” seemed to still work.

            And he knew it was the solution to all his problems. He shouldn’t overthink. Thinking wasn’t bad, but he could also do. Sure, the consequences could be terrible, but as much as it didn’t kill him or put him in a strange situation, it was alright. Like now, for example. He didn’t know what would happen from now on: did they kiss only because it was Christmas? Would they forgot it the next days? Or would they continue that way? He didn’t know, but he decided he would take it as it came.

“And here is the prince’s bag~”

“Prince.” Kaoru repeated. “Pretty sure I’m the butler and you’re the prince, though.”

            Rei laughed.

“So, shall we take our shower together?”

“What?”

            Taking a shower with Rei? Even if he promised not to overthink things, he wasn’t ready for that.

“I’m joking, Kaoru-kun. Go first~ And if you need help, don’t hesitate to call, okay?”

“Thank you.”

            Rei smiled and left the room, soon followed by Kaoru who went to the bathroom. There, he took a quick shower, and put his pajama. It wasn’t easy, but after two weeks, he was accustomed to this difficult exercise. He just hoped the last two weeks would be quick, because he really wanted to get rid of the plaster.

            Once he was done, he went back to Rei’s room, where his friend was waiting patiently on his bed. When he saw him, Rei smiled.

“Oh, so you didn’t need help. What a pity.”

“What do you think? I’m a big boy.”

“You still have to prove it~”

“What?”

            Once again, Rei laughed. _God, I’ve never noticed his laugh was so beautiful._ The black-haired man stood up, patted his head, and left the room. Kaoru sat on the bed, and looked inside his bag where there was the present for Rei. Should he give it now, or wait for the next day? He wasn’t sure… Actually, he wanted to give it now, so maybe he’ll give it before going to bed. He hoped Rei would like it, though.

            Rei came back ten minutes later.

“I’m back. We can go to bed, now~”

“Nop, we have things to do.”

“Oh?”

“My futon and…”

            Bitting his lips, Kaoru handed the present to his friend who looked surprised.

“Merry Christmas~”

“Oh. Wait.”

            Kaoru tilted his head while Rei opened his drawer and took something. Then the man handed him a wrapped object.

“Merry Christmas~”

“Oh. I wasn’t expecting you offering me something.”

“You’re my best friend, Kaoru-kun. Of course I would offer you something.”

            Rei sat beside him and, together, they opened their present. When it was done, they laughed when they noticed their presents came from the same shop. Then Kaoru opened the box and his eyes opened wide under the surprise he felt. It was a necklace with a ring, the one he wanted to buy when he searched for Rei’s present (but he didn’t because he couldn’t afford to buy two jewelleries.

“How did you know?”

“Who do you think I was texting, Kaoru-kun?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve talked with Kotone all this time?”

“Of course I did.” And he was proud of that fact. “Can you help me putting this beautiful chain bracelet, please~?”

            Kaoru didn’t know if it was his imagination or not, but he could swear his friend was blushing. He helped him to put the chain bracelet he offered him, and just after, Rei helped him putting the necklace.

“This necklace is way better than the old one.”

“You’ve never loved the old one.” Kaoru pouted.

“Nobody loved it, Kaoru-kun. Even your sister was really happy when I told her I planned to offer you another one.”

            Kaoru sulked and it made Rei laugh. He couldn’t believe his old necklace wasn’t loved by someone but himself. Poor little guy needed more love! _In a way, this necklace is like me with my family._

“Thank you for the chain bracelet~”

“No, thank you for bearing with me.”

“Yeah, you can, because it’s difficult.”

“What?”

            Rei laughed, and Kaoru understood that it was a joke. It wasn’t that funny, but he didn’t want to stop Rei’s laugh. When the black-haired man stopped, he offered to sleep, but Kaoru made him notice that there was no futon ready for him. Rei arched an eyebrow and finally answered:

“With what happened in the living room, you won’t tell me it bothers you to sleep in the same bed as me?”

“Oh.”

            Kaoru blushed and avoided Rei’s eyes. Sleeping in the same bed as Rei. He couldn’t believe he was going to do something like that. But it was only to sleep, it wasn’t a problem, right? They weren’t going to do anything else. Just sleeping. Sleeping in Rei’s arms. Smelling his odor (cinnamon; he wasn’t a big fan of cinnamon, but it was Rei, so he accepted it). Being in his comforting warmth. Good idea. Really good idea.

            Rei opened the blanket and went under, on the side of the wall, and offered Kaoru the place besides. It would be easier for Kaoru, as his broken leg was the right and wouldn’t bother both of them. With a soft smile, he went under the blankets, and once he was well placed (?), Rei stuck his body against him, putting his arms around his hips. And it felt good. Kaoru loved to be there, and wanted to be there forever. _So much to tell I’m not gay, huh._ He bit his lips and, finally, said:

“I have to confess something.”

“Oh? What?”

“I…”

            _I’m gay for you._ It wasn’t difficult to say. Maybe. It wasn’t the best way to tell it, too, but…

“I’m bi.”

            _That wasn’t what I wanted to say! The hell, mouth!_

“Well, good to know you finally accepted it.” Rei laughed.

“That wasn’t… what I wanted to tell you. Fuck.”

“It’s okay, Kaoru-kun, take your time.” Rei whispered. “I’ll wait days and years if you need it.”

            _Well, I don’t want to wait days or years, actually,_ Kaoru thought. He wanted to say it now, but it looked like his brain didn’t want, and it was annoying. He sighed.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

            _Yeah, maybe it’s better like that. After all, if I tell him that and he doesn’t answer me back…_ _It’s stupid of me._ Rei caressed his cheeks, and Kaoru closed his eyes under the feeling.

“I love when you do that.”

“I’ll continue then~”

“I’ll fall asleep.”

“Then, fall asleep~ You’re tired, right? All this walk was fun, but with crutches, it’s tiring, huh?”

“Yeah…”

            If Rei continued, he would definitely fall asleep. It wasn’t a bad thing, though.

“Rei, I… Thank you…”

            Barely had he told that, that he fell asleep.

 


	9. Chapter 9

            When Kaoru woke up the next morning, he felt a weight on his chest, as if a rock had been put there to strangle him. Except that it wasn’t a rock but Rei’s head and, for a moment, the young man wondered why his friend was sleeping like that. But then, he decided it wasn’t that important, nor unpleasant. On the contrary, he smiled softly and started to caress the black locks. Rei moved a little bit in his sleep but didn’t wake up.

            Kaoru thought about the night he had just spent and couldn’t help but blush when he remembered the kisses, and what he had been about to say. _It’s good I hadn’t been able to tell him,_ he finally decided. He was the one doing the first step, generally, but he didn’t want to break his friendship with Rei. And, at the same time, he just wanted to tell him. More than that, he wondered how it would be from now on. They had kissed almost all night, what about now? Kaoru still wanted to kiss him, but he was afraid that Rei accepted it only on the moment, because it was Christmas.

 _‘Stop thinking and do!’, it’s easier to say than to do._ He stayed like for thirty minutes. He heard noises coming from outside the room, and when he looked at the clock, he noticed it was almost eleven. _Oh. Maybe I should wake up Rei._ And he should go back home too. He hoped Kotone and Juri had a lot of fun too…

            Suddenly, Rei moved in his sleep, and Kaoru thought it was like earlier, but his friend actually woke up, raising his head, and looked at him, half-awaken.

“Good morning.”

“‘Morning…” Rei answered, hiding his head in Kaoru’s neck.

“Wow, it’s difficult this morning~”

“Hm…”

“It’s eleven, we should wake up.”

“Not now…”

            Barely had he answered that Rei’s mother knocked at the door and told them it was time to wake up if they didn’t want to be late. Kaoru didn’t know what she meant by late, but he figured it wasn’t for him, but for Rei.

            Rei groaned and looked at Kaoru, before kissing him, surprising him. _Well, now, I have the answer to my question._ He answered the kiss and Rei finally sat on the bed, still half-asleep.

“...go to bathroom.” He managed to say.

“Yeah, go~”

“Together…”

“No, no. Alone.”

“Together…won’t eat you. Faster.” Rei shook his head.

            Kaoru was really glad to being accustomed to Rei in the morning, because if it hadn’t been the case, he wouldn’t understand. He sighed and asked his friend to stand up then, and, together, they went to the bathroom. They undressed (and Kaoru would lie if he said that he didn’t watch Rei’s ass) and entered the shower, the younger one trying not to watch his best friend too much.

“I can’t believe we can be two in your shower.”

“It gives you idea?” Rei asked, suddenly awaken thanks to the hot water.

“N-No…!”

            Rei laughed, and they took their shower in silence - or rather, Rei hummed and Kaoru listened -, before dressing up and drying their hair.

“There, we’re clean and beautiful~” Rei sing-sang. “See, it’s wasn’t the end of the world.”

“Next time, I would like time to take my shower alone.”

Rei pouted and said nothing. Instead, he took Kaoru’s bag, telling him he was putting it in the living room before coming back for him.

“I can go down myself.”

“How?”

“I’ll sit and--”

“And get dirty your clothes. No way. I’m coming back.”

Kaoru pulled a face but finally nodded. He looked a last time in the mirror to be sure his shirt wasn’t creased, and finally left the bathroom. When he arrived at the stair, Rei arrived and took him in his arm.

“It’s dangerous.”

“No, it’s okay, don’t worry.”

And Kaoru could only believe him when they arrived at the end without any problem. He took back his crutches once Rei gave him, and followed his friend inside the living room.

“Merry Christmas~” He greeted the Sakuma’s family and they all answered with a big smile.

Then, they talked a little bit about their Christmas - Rie rolled her eyes when she heard they ate fast food - and, around noon, Akihito asked them to go to the car.

“Me too?”

“Of course you too.” Rei answered, surprised.

“But…”

“Kacchan, you’re strange.” Ritsu stated.

He wasn’t strange. He just didn’t want to bother them, but they didn’t agree and almost pushed him towards the car. He sat between Rei and Ritsu, and once ready, they left. The rid was done in silence, but it didn’t bother Kaoru as it was really comfortable. When they arrived in front of Kaoru’s apartment, Akihito stopped the car.

“Everybody outside~”

Kaoru blinked but said nothing, and did his best to exit the car without problem. When he arrived, he noticed that Rei’s father locked the car and, this time, he couldn’t help but ask:

“Do you have family near?”

All eyes turned towards him and he blinked. Did he ask something stupid?

“No, we don’t.” Rie finally answered with a smile.

“So… Did I do something wrong for everyone exiting the car?”

“Wow, you’re not totally awake, you, right?” Akihito laughed.

“What?”

“Or maybe he has forgotten.” Ritsu yawned.

“Forgotten what…?”

            He was scared, now. Did he do, or say, or promise something he clearly didn’t remember? He hoped not!

“Oh. Maybe Kotone-chan didn’t tell him~” Rei said with a grin and this time, Kaoru frowned.

“She invited us today.”

“She what? She didn’t tell me!”

            He couldn’t believe it! Kotone didn’t inform it about that! How could have she kept it a secret? He felt stupid, now!

“Looks like it was a surprise, Kaoru-kun.” Rie sing-sang, smiling.

            A surprise? Sure it was! They went towards the entrance where they used the intercom, and when Kotone opened the door, Rei stopped Kaoru and whispered in his ear:

“You’re lucky, Kaoru-kun. You lied to your sister after all. What if we didn’t spend Christmas together? She would have learnt it today~”

“Oh no.” Kaoru opened his eyes wide.

“Kufufu~ I’ve never seen someone having so much luck.”

“It’s not fun!”

“It is.”

“Guys, hurry up~!” Rie called.

            Kaoru pouted and entered the building, soon followed by Rei who chuckled. They entered the elevator and, soon, they were inside Kotone’s and Juri’s apartment. When the door was closed, he hurried up to find his sister, who was in the living room - that had been transformed into a dinner room - in a beautiful black dress he didn’t remember seeing even once before now.

“Oh, Teddy Bear, merry Christmas~” She said, kissing his forehead, and it was embarrassing in front of the Sakuma.

            She then turned towards their guest and greeted them, wishing them a merry christmas. Kaoru noticed she whispered something into Rei’s ear and his friend smiled before looking at him. The blond felt that something wasn’t good for him, and hoped it was only one of these bad feelings that was nothing else than a feeling. Juri arrived from the kitchen, and greeted all the people, before offering them to sit at the table. And, if he had to be honest, it was really strange and surrealist to see all these people at home. For Christmas. He didn’t even know it was possible, and, deep inside, he felt really happy, and thankful.

            The day passed quickly, unfortunately, but Kaoru wouldn’t complain as he had a lot of fun. Time to time, during the day, Kaoru and Rei found themselves alone: strangely enough, Kaoru had had always something to show his best friend, and they always ended in Kaoru’s room. And they had kissed a lot, hidden. It was the best Christmas present he could have got from his sister (because she clearly told him it was when he tried to help her in the kitchen) and he would never be able to thank her enough for that.

            When it was time for the Sakuma to leave, he accompanied them to the building entrance. Rie, Akihito and Ritsu left, but Rei stayed a little bit, and Kaoru said:

“Hey, thank you for this Christmas. It was fun and… Good.”

            And full of surprises.

“I hope we’ll be able to do something like that again~” Rei answered with a soft smile.

            Kaoru nodded. Now, he had to confess. He had taken his decision during the meal, after having noticed how his sister and Juri looked happy, and he had thought he wanted to feel like that, with Rei. It was stupid, because Rei could totally reject him, but he had to try or else, he would regret it.

“Talking about that, I won’t be here before next week.”

“Huh?”

            _What?_

“We spend the New Year with our family, in the other side of the country.”

“Oh, I see.”

“So, see you next year, Kaoru-kun~”

“Yeah, have fun~”

            He hoped Rei would have fun because Kaoru didn’t have right now. He had wanted to confess, and why not, if everything would have been alright, watching the first sunrise of the new year with him. _Oh well… I’ll wait next year, then…_

            Rei was about to leave when he finally came back near his best friend and kissed him a last time, before joining his family in the car. Kaoru went outside and waved at them as the car left his sight, and then, he went back home.

            Next year would also be a good moment.

 

            Kaoru sighed for the umpteenth time, earning a glance from his sister. He was peeling a potato, lost in thoughts, and it was Kotone who woke him up.

“If you continue to peel this potato, she won’t survive till the pan.”

            Kaoru looked at the potato between his hand and rubbed his neck.

“Oops. Well, there’s still enough to go to the pan.”

“Yes~ She’s lucky you didn’t kill her. Teddy bear, the potatoes’ killer!”

“Stop calling me Teddy Bear.”

“Fine, Potator. Or Potatal.”

“Potatal?”

“Hannibal, Potatal…”

“... You already drank some bottles, right?”

            It made her laugh, and he rolled his eyes. They stayed quiet for a moment until Kotone asked:

“So, what’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem.” He answered, peeling another potato.

“You do. It’s been a week now that you’re sighing like that. What’s happening?”

            Kaoru stared at the potato in his hand. What was happening…? Rei wasn’t there, and he felt terribly alone. It was stupid because he would see him once he would be back.

“How did Juri and you confess?” He asked.

            It surprised Kotone but she finally smiled and answered:

“We didn’t really confess, actually.” She started softly. “It happened like that. We started to kiss, and we started going out.”

“Like that?”

“Like that. We didn’t need to confess? I don’t know how to explain it. I know it’s strange but Juri helped me to deal with my sexuality and it happened… like that.”

“I see…”

            It didn’t help him that much, because he had been wondering how to confess to Rei, and he had thought he could have an idea with his sister. It was easy to confess to a girl, but a man?

“Why do you ask that? What’s the link with your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem.”

“Kaoru-chan, stop lying, it doesn’t suit it.”

            Kaoru pulled a face.

“Fine, fine. I want to confess, and I don’t know how.”

            Kotone’s eyes were suddenly filled with sparkles, and Kaoru knew it wasn’t a good thing. He didn’t want his sister to ask questions or to annoy him.

“Who is it!?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does! My little brother is in love, enough to think about confession! And maybe this is my future sister-in-law~”

“Actually…,” he started, “it’s more a… brother-in-law…”

            He had whispered the last word as if it was a shame. He shouldn’t be ashamed, though, because if there was someone that would be happy for him, it would be his sister. She wouldn’t judge him because he was in love with man; it would be stupid, given she was herself in love with a woman.

“It’s… Great, Kaoru-chan! Who is it!?”

“You don’t need to kn-...”

“It’s Rei-kun, right?”

“What?”

“It can only be him! The both of you acted strangely during Christmas, and you even disappeared a lot for nothing.”

            _Oh my, she’s terrifying… She’s as good as Rei for these kind of things._ And he hated that because it meant his sister could read him like an open book.

“Well, yes, it’s Rei, but… How to explain that…?”

“With words.”

“Haha.” He sighed. “Let’s say that we already…”

“...made love!?”

“...Kissed. You’re a pervert, big sis.”

“It’s because of Juri.”

“Poor Juri is a convenient scapegoat.” Kotone pulled a face. “No, we kissed. A lot. But I don’t know what to do because, well… It’s strange. I don’t know what we are.”

“Did you talk about it with him?”

“No.”

“You should.” Kotone stated. “Maybe Rei-kun is wondering the same thing, you know? It’s not good not to talk about it, especially in this kind of time.”

“You say that but you did the same thing.”

“No.” She sighed. “We talked about it, but it was natural.”

“I’m scared.”

“Don’t be. And even if you’re upset, you won’t be alone. I’ll be here for you, always~ And I’m sure Rei-kun will also, no matter what happens between the two of you.”

            Even if he wasn’t certain for the last part of her sentence, Kotone’s words helped Kaoru to feel better about this story. She took him in an embrace, and promised him everything would be alright, and that he could rely on her. It was good to have someone to rely on, especially when the one you usually had wasn’t there or was the subject of your problem.

“Waw~ I see that the dinner is going well.”

            Kotone and Kaoru turned towards Juri who just entered the kitchen, hands on her hips, a big smile on her face.

“It looks like I always interrupt big moments between Hakaze’s brothers~” She stated. “I wish I had siblings to do the same thing.”

            Kaoru and Kotone glanced at each other, before forcing Juri in their hug.

“Huh, what?” She exclaimed when she was inside the hug. “What are you doing, guys?”

“You’re my sister now~” Kaoru sing-sang and Juri blinked.

“Oh my, i have a Teddy Bear for brother, I should tell the newspapers!”

            Kotone laughed and Kaoru pulled a face. When would they stop calling him a teddy bear?

 

            The New Year dinner was almost quiet; a drank Juri was really funny to see, even if Kaoru would have liked not to hear things about his sister’s sexual life. And judging by her red face, he knew Kotone would have a big discussion with Juri later, when she would be sober.

            It was six and half o’clock in the morning when they exited the apartment and headed towards the temple near their neighborhood. It was cold, and Kaoru was glad to wear casual clothes, on the contrary of his sister and her girlfriend who wore yukata. He would have made fun of them if he hadn’t been focused on not falling in the snow with his crutches.  

            They arrived at the temple ten minutes before the sunrise, and there were already lots of people here to witness the first sun of the year. Kaoru followed Kotone and Juri but lost them; following someone with crutched, in a crowd, was impossible. He couldn’t wait for the day he would be able to walk without that (it would be soon, fortunately for him). So he tried to find a free spot where he would be alone and tranquil, not annoying people. He finally found one, and while waiting for the sun to rise (there was still three minutes to wait), his phone in his pocket vibrated.

            Kaoru thought it was maybe his sister wondering where he was, but it wasn’t, and he couldn’t help but blink when he saw the name on the screen. _Rei._

“Hello?”

“Happy New Year, Kaoru-kun~”

“Happy New Year, Rei.”

 _It’s good to hear his voice,_ he thought, even if it was through a phone.

“Is there a problem?”

“No. I wanted to see the first sun with you.”

            Kaoru didn’t know what to answer, but he blushed and felt a little bit stupid.

“Kaoru-kun, are you alright?”

“Yeah, sorry. I was thinking.”

“You, thinking? Strange~” Rei laughed.

“Aaaah, stop making fun of me!” Kaoru pouted. “Look, the sun is rising!”

            And it was, tainting the place with a pink color that was beautiful. Kaoru knew this moment; after all, it’s been seventeen years that he witnessed it; but this time, it was different. It was with Kotone and her girlfriend (well, they were somewhere), he accepted his bisexuality, and more than everything, it was with Rei. Sure, it was only through a phone, but it was better than not at all.

            When it was over, Kaoru took a deep breath and finally asked:

“Rei, what are we?”

“What?”

“Us. What are we?”

            Rei didn’t answer straightly and, for a moment, Kaoru thought he had done something wrong. But his best friend hadn’t hanged up so he guessed everything was alright. For now, at least.

“What do you want us to be, Kaoru-kun?”

            Kaoru opened his mouth but stayed voiceless. He hadn’t expected Rei to answer with another question, and it let him agape for a moment.

“Kaoru-kun?”

“I…”

_Fuck, Rei. I wanted you to answer, not me!_

“I miss you.” He finally whispered, and he wasn’t sure Rei heard it.

“I miss you too~”

“I miss you a lot. I… When I close my eyes, it’s you I see. I want you by my sides.”

            Didn’t he look like someone desperate to see his husband or something?

“I’ll be here soon, Kaoru.” Rei answered and his voice suddenly felt happier than before.

“Promise?”

“Yes. I’ll be back in two days.”

“Good.”

“We’ll eat together~”

“Is it a date?”

“What else can it be?”

“I’m making sure of that.”

“Kaoru, do you know what will be the first thing I’ll do once I’ll be with you?”

“Scold me?”

“Why would I scold you?”

“I don’t know. People scold me for nothing, sometime.”

            He thought about his father and his brother for a moment. And even Souma, but he knew that Souma disliked his behavior, even if it seemed better now.

“No, I won’t scold you.” Rei sighed. “I’ll kiss you~”

“Far better~”

            Rei laughed and Kaoru couldn’t help but smile. He heard Rei answering his mother and two minutes later, they had to hang up. When Kaoru put back his phone in his pocket, he was in a better mood than before. And when he finally found Kotone and Juri (after ten minutes of search and texts), he couldn’t help but hug them with a big happy smile.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter a little bit long because...
> 
> /Lemon\ Please, don't like, don't read, if you're too young, don't read too (but let's be honest, I can't force you to leave, anyway...). I just warn you, but take care~

“Hello, happy New Year everyone~”

“Hello Kaoru. Happy New Year. Bubble, bubble~”

“Happy New Year, Hakaze-dono.”

            Kaoru wanted to answer that the year started really for him: after all, he was in a love relationship with Rei and nothing couldn’t be better. Of course, he wouldn’t tell them, not yet at least. He wouldn’t lie: he was afraid that Souma sliced him only because he thought Kaoru made fun of him.

            More than that, he was finally free. His leg was perfectly fine and he could run and jump as much as he wanted. As for his crutches, they were somewhere in a drawer. Kotone told him she wouldn’t hesitate to use them against him if he did something bad. If she really did, it wouldn’t survive.

“I hope Christmas and New Year had been good for both of you.”

“Yes, but nobody wanted me to go to the ‘sea’.” Kanata sighed and Kaoru stopped himself not to tell him it was normal.

            _Normal people wouldn’t go to the sea in winter, to begin with._

“I spent Christmas with Adonis-dono and my family.” Souma stated. “And new years with Adonis-dono’s family.”

“Eh, so you have already presented each other to your family~” Kaoru smiled.

“I don’t know what you mean, Hakaze-dono.” Souma answered with a look so dark that Kaoru was sure he would have died if it had been daggers. “We’re friends.”

            Kaoru opened his mouth but closed it quickly when he saw the glances at Kanata that Souma did. He guessed his underclassman didn’t want to talk about that in front of Kanata. After all, if he talked with Kaoru, it’s only because he noticed them. And the last time they talked in front of Kanata, their club president was busy feeding the fishes.

“I would like to spend ‘Christmas’ and ‘New Year’ with Souma and Kaoru.” Kanata stated with a big smile.

            He probably didn’t notice, nor understand, what was happening between his clubmates.

“Maybe next year, President!”

            Souma’s eyes were full of sparkles and Kaoru didn’t doubt that the samurai-like meant it. _I’m sorry but it will be without me._ No matter what, he planned to spend next Christmas and New Year with Rei. _Look at me. Two months ago, I would be disgusted by such a thought and now I’m already planning every holiday with Rei._

            Their first meeting of the year, and as a couple, had been quite enjoying, and Kaoru remembered that Juri teased him a lot in the evening, because she had seen them kissing. Thinking about that still embarrassed him, and he really was happy that it hadn’t been his sister. Because Juri only teased him for a night; Kotone would _still_ be teasing him.

“Yes, next year, let’s do it ‘together’.”

            Kaoru nodded without big conviction. He would have spend New Year with them if it hadn’t been the date of the beginning of their relationship. _But maybe we won’t… No, I shouldn’t think like that._

            They talked about the preparations of the parties, and Kaoru had to remind them that they were a year too early. Souma threatened him with his katana and told him not to destroy their dream. Kaoru rolled his eyes but accepted to shut up till the end of the club activities. In the end, Kanata fed the fishes, and Souma Kamekichi - or was it Kamenashi? - and once the purple-haired young man was done, they left together the club, letting Kanata with his fishes (“I need to talk with them ‘alone’”, he had said, and none of his clubmates had been worried).

            While heading towards the entrance of the school, Souma stated:

“To answer your question, my parents already knew Adonis-dono.”

“Oh. And did you know his family?”

“No. They’re… His sisters are terrifying.”

“Is that so? Why?”

            Souma stopped and stared blankly at the snow still on the ground, before whispering:

“If I tell you, you’ll make fun of me.”

“Of course I won’t.”

“Of course you will! You’re a disgrace!”

            Kaoru pulled a face. It’s been a while he hadn’t heard he was a disgrace and, really, he would like not to hear it again.

“Please, Kanzaki-kun, don’t call my unit member “disgrace”. Nobody is a disgrace in this school~”

            Souma and Kaoru both startled and turned towards Rei who was looking at them with a grin.

“Sakuma-dono, I’m sorry.”

            Wow, Souma apologizing so quickly was really strange for Kaoru. And he even lowered his eyes and looked away.

“Kaoru-kun, do I carry you till your house~?”

“Huh, yeah, if you don’t mind.”

            Actually, Rei didn’t mind at all, Kaoru knew it, but they had decided not to show their relation to the school. To be honest, Kaoru wanted to be more prudent than Adonis and Souma. Even Adonis and Koga didn’t know about their relationship and, for now, it was fine with Kaoru.

            They bid Souma a good bye and left the school together, in silence. When they finally were inside the car, Rei leaned towards Kaoru and kissed him with energy that the blond didn’t reject. He would crazy to reject it when he just craved for it since the beginning of the day. Actually, he craved for Rei’s lips every day, every night, every time. It only been ten days they were together now, and it seemed that the more he spent time with Rei, the more he fell in love. It was stupid, but it was the first time he was truly in love, and he wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. Every night, when he got his goodnight text (because he always got one), he couldn’t help but feel happy, and hoping that it would never stop.

“We should go,” He finally stated when they broke the kiss, “or someone will see us.”

“Hmhm…” Rei didn’t seem bothered by that fact, because he kidnapped Kaoru’s lips again.

“Rei…~”

“Just one more~”

“It’s...impossible.”

“Why?” Rei pouted.

“Because Hibiki-kun is coming in our direction, and...” He pointed out. “Oh, Tenshouin-kun too.”

            Rei growled and took his sit, ready to turn on the car, when he suddenly seemed to freeze. Kaoru looked at him, frowning, and tried to understand his boyfriend’s behavior. He was looking in front of him… No, he was watching at the rear-view mirror and something seemed to bother him. So Kaoru watched too, curious, and blinked when he noticed that Wataru and Eichi were hand in hand. _Oh._

“Rei, are you alright?”

            Rei seemed to come back in reality and finally turned on the car.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because… Tenshouin-kun…”

“I told you it was a lie, Kaoru. I have no feelings for him.”

“...is hand in hand with your ex-boyfriend, I was about to say, actually.”

“No feelings for Wataru.”

“But you did have.”

            Rei didn’t answer and they stayed silent for half of the road, until Kaoru finally asked:

“How did it end? With Hibiki-kun, I mean.” Rei sighed when he heard it. “If you don’t want to answer, it’s okay.”

“Tenshouin. It ended because of Tenshouin.”

“Oh.”

            He should have expected it, but he had hoped they had broke up for another reason (no more feeling, or an argument, or something like that). But now, of course, they had broken up because of Eichi. It meant that Rei (and maybe Wataru) had still had feelings for the magician… And maybe still had. What if Rei was lying and still loved Wataru? Kaoru wouldn’t like it at all. If Rei was still in love with Wataru, he prefered to know it.

            They finally arrived in front of Kaoru’s building. There, Rei turned towards him and took his face between his hands, before staring at him seriously.

“Rei? A problem?”

“I want to carve it in this little brain of yours before it’s too late.” He stated. “I _don’t_ have feelings for Wataru, okay. Not anymore. So don’t think that I still can have, because if it was the case, I wouldn’t be with you to begin with.”

“I… I know that!” Rei arched an eyebrow as if he doubted his words.

“It’s good if you know, then.”

            Rei smiled, and Kaoru couldn’t doubt when Rei was smiling at him like that. He smiled in return and finally said:

“Do you want to sleep at home tonight?”

“Excuse me?”

“I… I always sleep at your home so… For once, it could be… you?”

“Kaoru, do Kotone and Juri know?”

“No,” he confessed, “ but they will soon.”

“No,” Rei shook his head. “It would have been better if they had known before.” Kaoru pulled a face. “Beside, I have homowork to do.”

“Homowork…?”

“Homework. I said homework.”

“You didn’t.”

“You know I wouldn’t do homowork without you, Kaoru-kun~”

“Yeah, sure.”

            He didn’t want to think about it. If he started imagining Rei doing things, it would be the end of him.

“Anyway,” Rei continued, “I can’t tonight, but this week-end, if it’s alright with your sisters…”

            Rei smiled and Kaoru nodded. He didn’t agree at all; he wanted to sleep between Rei’s arms, goddamn it!; but he understood that his boyfriend had other priorities. They kissed for the last time of the day, and finally Kaoru left the car.

“Think about me when you’ll do your _homowork~”_ He laughed.

“Always~”

  


“There is food in the fridge and lemonade too.”

“I know, you already told me, Kotone.”

“That’s because she loses her memory every five minutes.” Juri explained. “It’s worse if you give her food after midnight.”

“... I think I won’t eat tonight.”

“Oh, what a pity~”

“And suddenly I don’t want to understand your conversation…” Kaoru sighed, making laugh the two women.

            It was Saturday night and Rei was about to arrive. To let them alone, Kotone and Juri decided to spend the night in a karaoke with friends, and they would come back late in the night - if they ever came back. At his feet, Miku looked at him with big eyes, and he took her in his arms, and pet her.

“Also,” Kotone continued with a big smile, “we thought about your security.”

“Our security?”

“Yes! We brought condoms and put the box in your night table~”

“ _Excuse me, what_!?”

“Don’t be so astonished, Teddy Bear! You shouldn’t put your life at risk, even in a love relationship~”

“No but...Wait! For the umpteenth time, we’re going to sleep, not making love!”

“Yeah yeah, that’s what we all say…” Juri commented. “It was the same with Kotone and I~”

“I don’t want to know!”

“Aaaah, my little brother is finally becoming a man!”

            _A man, sure. A red man, then._ Because this conversation made him blush. Kaoru had always thought that girls were innocent people, but Kotone and Juri had proven him he had been wrong all along. Girls weren’t innocent at all: they were the worst, especially Kotone and Juri.

            They hugged him and told him to have fun, before leaving the apartment. _Having fun, yeah sure. I can’t believe you think Rei and I are going to make love. Seriously, girls…!_ Making love with Rei… It seemed pleasant, but also really scary. _No, not ready._ He sighed and looked at the dog in his hands.

“They’re crazy, right?”

“Woof!”

            He smiled and looking at the clock, he finally decided to take Miku for a walk. Rei wouldn’t be there before thirteen minutes so he had time. He put the leash around Miku’s neck, and together, they left the apartment, then the building, to walk a little bit. The snow started to melt, so it was easier for the little dog to walk. Their walk could be longer now, even if it still wasn’t long enough for Kaoru’s opinion. In the middle of the walk, he received a text from Rei telling him he was there; he answered quickly that he was in the street with Miku and, minutes later, someone took him in an embrace. He smiled and raised his head, meeting Rei’s eyes.

“Hi~”

“Is you who take Miku for a walk, or is it Miku who takes you for a walk?”

“Haha, funny.”

            Rei laughed, and together, they continued to take the little for a walk, until she asked for coming back home. Once they were in the elevator, they kissed softly. When the elevator arrived at the good story, they hurried up to enter Kaoru’s apartment and locked themselves inside.

“Your sister isn’t here?” Rei asked when they were in the living room.

“No. She went to a karaoke with Juri and some friends. They’ll come back late.”

“Oh~ We have the apartment for us alone then~”

            The smirk on Rei’s lips made Kaoru frown.

“What?”

“Nothing~”

            Kaoru was sure there was something. Why would Rei smirk, otherwise? His boyfriend was preparing something, and he didn’t know if he should be scared or excited about that. Kotone’s last words came back in mind and he froze. He hoped Rei didn’t think they were going to make love that night because Kaoru wasn’t ready for something like that.

“Rei.”

“Why are you serious so suddenly?”

“You understand that we’ll only sleep, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Okay, fine.”

“Kaoru, what’s happening in this little head of yours? Of course we’re going to sleep, except if you have something else in mind.”

“I don’t!” Kaoru said hastily. “I mean, I have, but I don’t.”

“I understand, don’t worry. I won’t force you, you know?”

            Kaoru nodded. Yes, he knew, he was just too worried for nothing. It was all because of Kotone. His sister was terrible sometimes. But everything would be alright. They would spend a calm evening and night. They would watch the TV, maybe, or talk, take a shower and then, sleep. Like usual, nothing less, nothing more.

“So hm… What do you want to eat?”

“Something fast. Let’s not bother with cooking.” Rei answered. “I rather prefer to be bothered with your lips than with the food, actually.”

“We need to eat, though.” Kaoru laughed.

“Hey, I can eat you, I’m a vampire after all~”

“Yeah yeah, of course~”

            He had never clearly understood Rei’s love for vampires. Sure, they were classy guys, but having to drink blood to stay alive (no pun intended), it should be annoyed. Also, Rei only drank tomato juice. Sometimes, Kaoru wondered why he fell in love with him; but then he remembered all his qualities (and all his flaws, and smiled and knew why.

“Why are you smiling like an idiot?”

            Rei was the best that had happened in his life, and he hoped it would be forever.

“I was just thinking how lucky I was.”

“Do I remember everything that had happened before New Year?” Rei arched an eyebrow.

“In a way, I was lucky! If things like that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be with you today?”

            Rei didn’t seem to agree with him on this case, because he squinted and stared at him as if he had been a strange being living.

“Are you serious? You’ve been rejected by your genitor.”

“And if I hadn’t been,” Kaoru explained, “I wouldn’t have lived with my sister, and I wouldn’t be free to be whoever I want to be.”

            Rei didn’t answer but by his look, he still disagreed with him. _Oh well, I don’t want to talk about that tonight. Or ever, by the way._

“Is pizza okay?” He changed the subject.

“Yeah. Do you want help?”

“I’m not that stupid, you know. I know how to cook a pizza.”

            Rei arched an eyebrow, as if he doubted that. Kaoru pulled a face and headed forwards the kitchen. There he took care of the pizza, reading carefully the instructions (he wasn’t an idiot, but he remembered the first time he hadn’t read them at all and it was terrible), and once the pizza in the oven, he came back in the living room. Rei was sat on the sofa, so Kaoru sat beside him and they stayed silent for a moment.

“So hm… What do you want to do?”

“Watch a porn movie with you~”

“What!?”

            Rei laughed and Kaoru frowned. Was his boyfriend serious or was it just a joke?

“You should see your face~”

“Rei. Were you serious?”

“Yes and no. We can do it, it won’t bother me.”

“No. One was enough.”

“But we weren’t even together~”

            Kaoru rolled his eyes, and suddenly he realised something strange.

“Wait, yes and no…?”

“Hm~”

“Do that mean you have a movie like that with you?”

“Who knows~”

            Rei patted his head.

“It wasn’t for you, though.”

“...It’s scarier than to know it could have been for me.”

“Why? I can have hobbies.”

“You’re serious?”

“Don’t play prudish, Kaoru~ I’m sure you know what it is~”

“But I don’t want to talk about it with my boyfriend.”

“Why? I mean, I’m the best to hear you about that~”

“Yeah, sure. I can imagine the conversation: Hi Rei, I’m touching myself while thinking about you~”

“Oh, really? I’m glad I have this kind of effect on you~”

“Rei…!”

            Rei laughed.

“You’re too easy.” He finally stated with a grin. “Also I think I can smell the pizza.”

            Kaoru blinked and started smelling. Yes, he could also smell the pizza. He stood up and hurried to the kitchen. He exited the pizza from the oven, put it in a plate, and came back in the living room where Rei was waiting patiently.

“There! See? I’m not an idiot, I can do a pizza!”

“It almost get burned, though.”

“That’s because of you and your strange hobbies!”

“My strange hobbies, yeah.” Rei smirked but added nothing more.

            It was convenient for Kaoru who really didn’t want to start again this conversation. They ate silently, but it was one of these silences that Kaoru was accustomed too, the one they often were when he slept at the Sakuma’s house, before they fell asleep; They weren’t boyfriends at this time, and Kaoru was happy that it still happened.

            Once they were done with their pizza, they spent their time kissing, the tomato taste being the stronger one, and Kaoru was sure that Rei did it in purpose. His boyfriend’s love for tomatoes was well known by their close friends. They stopped kissing when Kaoru received a text from Kotone, asking how it was going, telling him that there was a chocolate box in the kitchen for them, and reminded him the condoms box was in his night stand. He blushed, grumbled that his sister didn’t understand that she was wrong, and proposed chocolate to Rei who shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. Except if it’s melted chocolate on your body~”

“Not you too!”

“What?”

            Kaoru sighed and explained what his sister thought they were doing, and what she had done for that. It made the black-haired man laugh.

“I’m sure you’ll like melted chocolate, though.”

“Did you mean “I” instead of you?”

            Rei smirked, stood up and came closer to Kaoru. Then, he took him in an embrace and whispered in his ear:

“I’m sure you’ll like on me~”

            Kaoru groaned and rest his head on his chest. It was embarrassing, because he couldn’t help but imagine his boyfriend, naked, with melted chocolate on skin, and it really was a beautiful picture. He couldn’t believe Rei made him think like that, actually, and he should push him just to show him how sulky he was. But he couldn’t, because he was really fine in Rei’s arms. It was comfortable, and he could almost fall asleep like that.

“So, what do we do? Because knowing us, we’ll still be in this position when Kotone and Juri will come back.”

“Hm…” Kaoru thought for a moment, trying to find an idea, but only one came in mind, and he blushed. Would he dare? “Take a shower.”

“Go, then. I’ll wait for you, and have a lot of fun to dirty you again~”

“No, I mean, taking a shower together.”

He felt Rei freeze under his statement and suddenly, he thought it was a stupid idea. He apologized, telling him it was a stupid idea, and stepping away from his boyfriend. It was a pity because Kaoru wouldn’t mind to see Rei naked once again. The last time, he did his best not to stare at him (but he did watch his beautiful butt), but he would like to watch it without being hidden.

“No, there’s no need for an apologie,” Rei started, “I was just surprised by the proposition. By the fact that you are the one proposing something like that.”

“Yeah well hm… You told me to do and not to think. And we already did it so…”

“You’re conscious that the first time, we weren’t really together? You know that this time, it will be different? No, because, if you think that I won’t touch you, then it’s a good dream, Kaoru.”

“Who said I hope you won’t touch me? Seriously, Rei, you think I proposed that without knowing what could happen?”

            They stared at each other. Did Rei think he was stupid? Did he really think he hadn’t thought about the fact they would probably do more than shower? He knew it really well, and he even dreamed about it days ago and even the day before. Rei stared at him, surprised.

“I want it, Rei. I want to take my shower with you.”

“And you dared tell me that we’re here only to sleep.” Rei laughed.

“We will sleep!”

“Yeah, sure, after the shower, you’ll be too exhausted to stay awake.”

“What!? No! Rei, we won’t…!” Kaoru blushed and Rei smirked.

“I know, don’t worry. I won’t do something you don’t want. You’re just too easy when it comes to something like that. I would have thought you had some experiences with girls, though.”

“I’ve never…”

            Kaoru swallowed and stopped his sentence. Wait, was he about to confess that he had no experience, even with girls? Sure, he had a lot of dates and already kissed them, but they never had gone that far.

“So, should we go?” Rei finally asked and Kaoru nodded.

            They went to his room where they took their pajamas and then went to the bathroom. There, they took off their clothes and together, they entered the shower. Once the hot water fell on their head, Rei smirked and messed with Kaoru’s hair.

“Aaah!”

“What? You wanted us to shower, so I’m cleaning your hair~”

“Use the shampoo, at least!”

“Oh really? You use shampoo?”

            Kaoru sighed and he regretted it when water entered his mouth.

“Fine, turn around, I’ll use the shampoo.”

            Kaoru obeyed and smiled when he felt a hand on his butt.

“I didn’t know that my hair was at the lower part of my body~”

“Nah, I’m just too afraid of you running away~”

            Kaoru laughed and let a moan pass his lips when Rei started to rub his head with the shampoo. He liked that at lot. It reminded him his mother who had often done that to calm hi down when he was too excited or really sad. Sometimes, she had just done it in purpose to make him fall asleep.

“Can I confess something?” Rei suddenly said.

“Yes?”

            The older of the two stuck his body to the other and whispered sensually  in his ear:

“I really, really, really love your ass~”

            Kaoru shivered and blushed.

“It isn’t as beautiful as yours, though.”

“Oh so, you watched it?”

“Every day~”

“Interesting~”

            They let the water clean the soap before kissing each other. Rei turned off the water, took the shower gel and put it on his hand. Kaoru arched an eyebrow and asked:

“Shouldn’t I clean your hair before?”

“We’ll see later~”

“But…”

            Rei smirked and kissed him, while his hands full of shower gel were already caressing his body. Once again, Kaoru shivered and it made Rei grin. Slowly, Kaoru’s torso and arms was covered by soap. The blond tried his best to calm his heart down, and also his body that wanted to react in an embarrassing way. He knew that Rei wouldn’t mind it, on the contrary, he would love it, but Kaoru was a little bit afraid of the consequences. Sure, Rei promised he wouldn’t do a thing Kaoru didn’t want, but Kaoru knew that he wouldn’t probably be able to say ‘no’. He bit his lips when Rei’s hands arrived in the lower part of his body; Rei probably saw it because he stopped and looked at him.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“I don’t know. I… I know how my body will react so…”

“So you’re ashamed?”

“Something like that.”

            Rei took Kaoru’s head between his hand, putting soap on his chin, and kissed him softly.

“It’s okay. It’s a normal reaction, after all~”

“I know! It’s just…!”

“Just what? You’re afraid of what exactly? Because all I want is your pleasure.” Rei shook his head. “You don’t want to be the first?”

“What?”

“Because if it’s the case, you just have to stick your body against mine, and it will happen.” Kaoru blinked. “Or maybe, you’re afraid of wanting to mastubarte? If you don’t want me to help you, then I’ll watch.”

“What?”

“Hey, there’s no shame, you’re my boyfriend.” Rei smiled softly. “Of course, if you don’t want me to watch, then I’ll turn around… Or leave the shower to let you alone. Your desires are orders~”

“No, I don’t want you to leave this shower without me. It’s fine. I was the one asking for it, I won’t complain.”

            Rei shook his head and shrugged.

“Sometimes, I don’t understand you, really. First, you’re embarrassed, and now you seems eager about that.”

“No, it’s just…” Kaoru sighed. “How can you talk like that?”

“We have a lot of discussions with my parents and Ritsu, since we have the age for that.” He explained. “It’s an important matter, after all. Also, it’s normal to talk about that with his lover, no?”

            Kaoru nodded. Yes, it was important, but he wasn’t sure he would even be able to do something like that one day. His family barely talked about that, as if it was a sin, and so, it was a taboo subject. Yet, he felt that with Rei, he would have to get accustomed to talk about sex every now and again.

“Thank you, Rei.”

“You’re welcome~ So now, if you don’t mind, can we continue? I’m getting cold.”

            Kaoru pondered for a moment before finally taking his decision. He put shower gel on his hands and stuck his body against Rei.

“Let’s do it together.”

“I love the determination in your eyes~”

            He stuck his tongue out and Rei took advantage of it to kiss him, rubbing his back slowly and softly. So Kaoru did the same, making sure that the soap covered all his back and his torso, till his hips. They broke their kiss to get back their breath, but their lips met again soon after, as if they were hungry. Hunger of the other was stronger than usual, and Kaoru could feel his heart beating so fast that he thought it would destroy his chest and fell on the ground. His body shivered a lot, and a strange fire was set on his vein, coming from the upper part of his body, and going quickly at the lower part.

            Kaoru grabbed Rei’s ass, making him moan. _Crap, his moans are sexy…!_ And he wanted to hear more of them. _I’m done, right?_ He thought and at the same moment, Rei’s hands were caressing his stomach, slowly going lower. That’s when the blond felt something hard between them and he tried not to think about it. After all, it could be Rei’s… And even if it was his own, he shouldn’t be ashamed, he kept repeating in his mind. Rei was right. They were lovers, and there was nothing wrong to react like that. It was normal, given what they were doing.

            Rei’s fingers touched carefully Kaoru’s member and he moaned, making the black-haired man smiled.

“I love when you moan.”

“You can’t love it more than me when you moan.”

“Ow, Kaoru, you’re cute~”

“I’m not cute!”

            Rei laughed and Kaoru turned on the water just to stop him. It didn’t work, though. On the contrary, he smirked and kiss him on the jaw. Kaoru moved the hand still on his butt and moved it till it touched Rei’s cock.

“Oh.”

“What? I told you I was about to have an erection too, Kacchan~”

“Don’t call me like that! I’m not with Ritsu.”

“Kaoru-chan?”

“No.”

“Kao-chan?”

“No way!”

“Kakun.”

“Kaoru is perfect.”

“Nah, I love Kakun. I don’t know why~” Rei teased.

            And to stop him, Kaoru took his cock in his hand and rubbed it. Rei moaned loudly and, with his red face, he whispered:

“You’re a demon.”

“I’m an UNDEAD’s member, after all.”

            Rei didn’t answer and put his lips on Kaoru’s neck base.

“And I’m a vampire. I’m going to bite you.”

“As if!” Kaoru dared him, knowing Rei would do it.

            And he did, but it didn’t hurt. Actually, Kaoru found it was kind of exciting. He wouldn’t have expected him of that but he shouldn’t be surprised: after all, he didn’t expect to fall in love with his best friend. Rei’s tongue licked his skin at the place where his teeth had bitten him. Then he started to suck and Kaoru moaned louder than he thought.

“What are you doing?” He whispered between two moans.

“Making sure people know that you’re mine~”

“They don’t know that we’re together, though.”

“Just in case~”

            Kaoru rolled his eyes and caressed Rei’s cock slowly. There was no reason that the blond was the only one moaning, and so a sentiment of satisfaction took him when Rei started moaning too.

“Little demon~”

            Kaoru smirked but it disappeared when Rei gave up his neck base and kissed him. Their tongues met while their hands were caressing each other, pushing them in the pleasure. They whispered love words between moans, teased each other, and, once they reached their climax, they took each other in an embrace. Their kisses were soft and slow, and Kaoru loved this moment. He hoped they would have a lot of these moments, even if they didn’t touch each other.

“We should take our shower seriously now~”

“Because it wasn’t serious?”

“Well, I’m a mess because of you.”

“Excuse me but who decided to put his hands on my ass?”

            Rei laughed and Kaoru pouted, even if there was a smirk on his lips. They finally took their shower seriously, dried each other, then put their pajamas. Once they were done, they decided to go to Kaoru’s room. Before that the blond made sure that Miku still had water and food, and he finally joined Rei who was already sat on his bed.

“You close the door?” Rei asked, surprised.

“Yes, why? Is it a bother?”

“No, but I thought that Mama Kaoru would let Miku sleep with him~”

“Oh. Well, she sleeps with me, actually, but you’re here, so it’s better to let her outside my room.”

“No. Take her inside.”

“Are you sure? I mean…”

“It’s okay. Don’t let this poor baby alone, Kakun.”

“Don’t call me Kakun!” He grumbled, leaving the room again.

            He went to the kitchen, took the water bowl, and the food plate of his dog, and came back in his room, followed by Miku. When everything was ready, he closed the door and sat beside Rei. He bit his lips and looked around. Except for his laptop, there was nothing. In Rei’s room, there was more, and he remembered that his boyfriend often played the violin until someone of his family went to bed. _Well, I don’t play the instruments, and I didn’t need a TV… As for video-game consoles, I have never thought about it, and I wouldn’t have time anyway._ Yet, they would have time right now, though.

“Okay, fine, let’s watch your movie.”

“Wow, our little fun in the shower gave you ideas~?”

“I just don’t know what to do, actually.” He pouted.

            Rei messed his hair and kissed him.

“It’s okay, we can just stay sat here and talk… But let’s watch this movie~”

“For someone who just suggested we could talk…” Kaoru grinned.

            Rei pulled a face before taking his USB key from his bag and giving it to Kaoru.

“No, you put it yourself, vampire! No way I’m going to touch this kind of movie~”

“You prefer to touch me, do you?”

            Kaoru blushed and looked away, making laugh his boyfriend who put the key in his computer. He couldn’t believe his boyfriend really had porn movies. And he had thought, when he first met him, that he was an innocent man. Ah, what a joke! Once the film started, Kaoru lied on the bed, and Rei lied beside him. He put his hand and around his hips, and Kaoru caught it.

            He barely watched the movie. He squinted his eyes to watch only a little of it; anyway, the sound was enough for him. It should have make him react, and he knew he would have, like he did a little bit more than a month ago, but he was tired. Also, he felt really well in Rei’s arms, like always. It was warm, like the night he comforted him after Kaoru had explained his mother’s death. He closed his eyes. It really was comfortable.

“Kaoru?”

“Hm…?”

            He didn’t heard what Rei told him, and actually, he didn’t even heard what was happening in the movie.

 


	11. Chapter 11

          The weekend passed faster that Kaoru would have liked, but he knew that good things had an end, and now he had to go back to school with his lover. Not that it bothered him, but he would have liked a no-ending weekend.

“Don’t wait for me, after the club.” Rei suddenly said while they entered the school.  “I’m going to drink tea with Tenshouin.”

“You, drinking tea with Tenshouin?” Kaoru arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I told you I spend some time with him. Remember? It was the day I told you I had feelings for him and you believed it.”

“Oh. Yeah, I remember.” Not at all. Too many things had happened, and Eichi Tenshouin wasn’t his top priority, on the contrary. “But you have tea with the one who stole your ex?”

            Rei sighed .

“Yeah, well. Even if I’m still angry against him about that - and he knew it, believe me -, it shouldn’t stop me to try to keep the peace here~”

“Hmf. I don’t like it.”

“Oh, don’t worry, everything will be alright.”

“I’m not worried.” Kaoru answered.

            Yes he was, because he was afraid of Tenshouin trying to get Rei only for himself, like he had done with Wataru. He knew it was stupid, especially because his classmate seemed happier since he was with Wataru, and probably didn’t care about the others, but he couldn’t help to be worried. No. Jealous. He was jealous of the Student Council President. _It’s stupid, Kaoru. You can’t keep Rei for yourself. He’s not your property._ Kaoru, though, was Rei’s property judging by the hickey he had at the base of his neck. He had tried his best to hide it, either from his sister and Juri, and the students. Well, the students weren’t the worst as they would believe it would be from a girl, but his sister and Juri would definitely know that it was from Rei and would tease him for days.

“You’re not worried, huh?”

            Rei had this smirk that Kaoru knew too well and he decided to ignore it.

“By the way… Do you think it would be a good idea to appear like… you know, boyfriends?”

“We appear like boyfriends. Ask your sister if you don’t know.” Rei arched an eyebrow.

“No, I mean, in school.”

            Rei stopped and Kaoru turned towards him, unsure of what he was doing.

“Are you sure of that? I mean, are you ready to have every eyes turned towards on you? Because you’ll be teased, Kaoru, after all the things you said before understanding that you were bi.”

“Fine,” Kaoru sighed, “then just the people we think it’s okay. Like… Koga and Adonis?”

“Why not? I’m sure they would understand. I would like to tell Wataru, Kanata, Natsume and Shu too~”

“Okay.”

            He wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but Kaoru had faith in Rei’s judgement.

“Maybe I’ll tell Souma-kyun.”

“Kanzaki-kun, huh?”

“Well, after all, I know for he and Adonis. Besides, he helped me without knowing it so…”

            He didn’t know. He just wanted to tell Souma.

“Fine, let’s do it, then.”

            Kaoru nodded and when it was time for them to join their class, they waved. Kaoru bit his lips and looked around him; there was nobody in sight, and he really didn’t want to say goodbye to Rei only with a wave. So he stopped his boyfriend and pecked his lips before entering his own class. When he sat down, he felt his phone vibrating and when he read the text that Rei sent him, he blushed.

_“Good job, Wataru has seen us. So much for discretion, Kaoru-kun~”_

            Crap. He should have stopped himself and, at the same time… He had just wanted to kiss Rei. He always wanted to kiss Rei, actually. _Look at me, I look like one of those girls from anime and manga._ He shighed. _I should calm down._

            To stop thinking about his boyfriend, Kaoru decided to look at his classmates, to see if any idea would come in mind and suddenly, he noticed something. Tenshouin wasn’t there. _Ah, maybe Rei will be free in the end~_ , he thought, before facepalming. _So much for not thinking about him…_

“Hakaze, are you alright?”

“Aah, Morichi~ Yes, yes, I’m fine~”

“Sure? You looks jaded.”

“Well, I’m a little bit, I just remember I forgot something.” He lied.

“Hakaze, you’re a little bit an airhead, huh?” Chiaki laughed, shaking his head. “You should stop thinking about girls~”

            _If only I thought about girls… Haha._ Sadly, it was about Rei and how he just wanted to be by his sides every time. He was sure they could do more interesting thing together right now than going to class. _And a month ago, I didn’t want to accept my feelings._

“Well, you know me, I can’t~”

            Chiaki laughed and soon, the teacher arrived, calming every students.

 

_“Hey, Tenshouin isn’t here.”_

_“Oh? Guess I won’t have my tea today, then~ But maybe I can have my cinnamon roll?”_

            Kaoru rolled his eyes but smiled nevertheless while walking towards the Light Music Clubroom where he was sure to find Rei. He knocked and entered without waiting for the answer, and found his boyfriend sat on his coffin. He sat beside him, and Rei didn’t wait for him to say something: he took his face between his hands and kissed him, as if they hadn’t seen each other for days. _If it’s like that for a whole school day, what would happen for a lot of days?_ He didn’t want to imagine it. Not yet, at least.

“Vampire bastard, I hope you…” An angry voice said and Kaoru startled.

           None of them had heard Koga entering the room, and apparently, he didn’t expect them in this position. He didn’t even finish his sentence.

“Hi, doggie, how are you?”

_How can he be so calm?_

“What the…!?”

“Congrats, you learnt about us. Not in the good way, but you know~”

            Koga looked at both of them, frowned, and then his eyes opened wide as if he just understood what was happening.

“Wait, I knew for the vampire, but Hakaze...senpai!?”

“Don’t comment, Corgi.” Kaoru warned.

“Weren’t you str-”

“Don’t!”

            Koga shrugged while Rei laughed. Kaoru stood up, saying that he had club activities (even if it only consisted of watching Souma and Kanata feeding the fishes), messed up Rei’s hair, and left the room, giving a last smile to his boyfriend. On his way, he received a “you’re cute when you’re embarrassed” but he didn’t answer it.

            Kaoru entered the Marine Life Club and was surprised to only see Souma. He came near him straightly, maybe too much because Souma almost drew his katana.

“Hi, Souma-kyun~ Shinkai-kun isn’t here?”

“The Club President said he had things to do at the fountain.” The answer was.

“Don’t tell me he’s going to swim…?”

“It looks like so.”

            Kaoru sighed and rubbed his temples. Why wasn’t he surprised by Kanata’s behavior? He should be, and he should stop him to do something so stupid like swimming in the winter. Firstly, it still was winter, and secondly, it was forbidden, but he knew it would be useless to try stopping his friend. So he shrugged.

“Souma-kyun, I have something to tell you~”

“Should I fear it?”

“No? It’s something serious. And I want you to know about it because… Well, after all, I know for you.”

“I don’t understand a word of what you’re saying, Hakaze-dono.”

            Kaoru took a deep breath, unsure of what he was doing, but he wanted to tell Souma, because the young man helped him, and was probably wondering why he asked all these questions about his relation with Adonis. _If I had known he would be the one helping me…_

“I’m with Rei.”

“Yes. He’s your leader.” Souma answered, confused.

“No, I mean, yes, he’s my leader. But I’m with Rei like you’re with Adonis.”

“...I don’t understand…?”

“I’m in love with Rei. We’re a couple. I’m bi.”

“You’re…”

            Souma stopped his sentence, blinked, frowned, and then put his hand on his katana. _Wait? Did I say something bad?_

“Are you making fun of me!?”

“What? No, of course not! I’m stating the truth!”

“The truth…” His junior repeated. “So you and Sakuma-senpai are really…?”

            Kaoru nodded and, once again, Souma blinked. His hand released his katana, to Kaoru’s relief, and whispered:

“I can’t believe it…”

“I had a hard time too.”

“So, all these strange questions…?”

“It was because I was trying to understand my feeling.” Kaoru sighed and then frowned when he saw Souma’s smile. “Are you making fun of me?”

“I am not. Or maybe I am. I mean, you always say that you’re straight.”

“Don’t start with that. I was an idiot.”

“You still are.”

“You could have said that I wasn’t an idiot.”

“It wouldn’t have been the truth.”

“Thank you, Souma-kyun~”

“You’re welcome.”

            Kaoru shook his head and tried his best not to pout. It didn’t work, though, because Souma laughed before asking him how it happened. It was strange for Souma to ask something like that, but Kaoru guessed that he being bi and in love with a man was stranger than that, and so he complied, explaining (almost) everything. Souma listened to him silently and once the blond was done, he congratulated him, and told him he was proud.

“Why are you proud?”

“Because you’re worse than me.” The answer was. “And it made me happy.”

“What!? You’re mean, Souma-kyun!”

Souma shrugged.

“I won’t change my behavior towards you just for that, you know?” Souma said, and suddenly added: “But I’m also proud because you finally dropped you’re no homo behavior.”

“Yeah…”

“I still can’t believe it.”

“Me neither.”

“And so...Hm… Are you going to tell Shinkai-dono?”

“Rei will. He’ll also tell the three others. And I wanted to tell you personally.”

“Oh. It’s an honour, I guess?”

“Koga learnt it against his own will and Adonis...We’ll tell him later.”

“I’ll keep the surprise then.”

“That’s so kind of you, Souma-kyun.” Kaoru answered sarcastically.

            Souma pulled a face, and Kaoru patted his head. It earnt him a glare, but Souma didn’t try to draw his katana, and that was a relief. Kaoru didn’t want to be sliced now that he had found love. They talked a little bit more and once it was time for them to leave, Kaoru hurried to the entrance. That was when his eyes met Anzu’s, and then, he remembered how she had helped him, and the urge to tell her his happiness took him strongly. So he hurried towards her.

“Tanpopo-chan~” He called her with a big smile.

“Hakaze-san.” She answered, an arched eyebrow showing how surprised she was to see him so happy.

“Can I talk with you privately?”

“If it’s for a date, it’s still no, Hakaze-san.”

“No, it’s not for that. Actually, I won’t bother you with that anymore~”

            _Because if I do, I’ll probably be killed in the second that follows._ Anzu didn’t seem to believe him because she arched an eyebrow and looked at him with a jaded look. Nevertheless, she followed him, and they stood far from the entrance, to be sure that nobody would annoy them.

“So? What’s the problem?”

“There’s no problem, actually. It looks like a beautiful moment to be alive!”

“Huh?”

“I’m in love with someone~”

“Who?”

            Suddenly, Anzu seemed more interested than ever, and he smirked at the thought that, for once, she interested him.

“Sakuma-san.”

“Huh? They have a sister?” She asked, confused.

“No,” He answered, his smile growing bigger, “I’m with Sakuma-san. Rei Sakuma. You know, my leader.”

“Your…”

            She squinted and whispered:

“If it’s a joke, Hakaze-san, I’m going to slap you, and I don’t care if you’re my senior.”

“It’s not a joke!” He quickly replied. “It’s the truth!”

“Sure…”

“Kaoru-kun say the truth, Anzu-chan.” A voice said behind them, and Kaoru was relieved to see it was Rei.

“Sakuma-san…?”

“We’re together. In love~”

“In love? Like… You kiss…?”

“We hold hands, we kiss, we hug, we make love.”

“We don’t.”

“Okay, fine. We didn’t make love but we will.”

“Rei!” Kaoru blurted, blushing.

“See how he blushes? That’s because he’s imagining the…”

“Stop that!”

            Anzu looked at them with surprise, then she smiled and said:

“Well, congratulations. I hope you’ll be able to bear with him, Sakuma-san.”

“I should be the one to whom you say that, Tanpopo-chan~”

“Stop calling me Tanpopo-chan, please.”

            She crossed her arms and startled when someone called her. Kaoru frowned when he noticed it was a boy that looked a lot like their friend, and he didn’t need to ask her who it was as it was clearly obvious.

“Your brother came for you, how cute~”

“Hmf, we have things to do together, and before you ask,” she continued, “it’s not your problem.”

            He pulled a face and watched her running towards her sibling. She patted him on the head, and the young boy put her hand away, making her smile. It reminded him things from the past, with Kotone, and sometimes with Jiro, when they decided to play outside, under their mother’s eyes. He was lost in thoughts, remembering that he had never gone to Kotone’s school when she was in high school, but even if they were in a good relationship, he couldn’t believe her as much as he did now. It had been a dark period for him, the moment he started to oppose his father, and because his sister had done nothing… _No, she had. I was just stupid not to notice it._

“I wasn’t expecting you to tell Anzu-chan.”

            It wasn’t a reproach. Rei was more surprised than angry.

“She helped me a lot before my accident.” He shrugged.

            Rei didn’t answer but he put one of the blonde locks behind his ear. Kaoru rolled his eyes and put back the lock at the place it had been a minute ago, making his boyfriend giggle.

“So, should we go?”

“Could we go shopping? I would like to buy something for Kotone.”

“Yes, sure.” The answer was, and they walked towards the entrance of the school at the same time Adonis and Souma did. “What do you want to offer her?”

            Their juniors greeted them and left the school ; Kaoru took note of the smile Souma gave him, and it surprised him. He didn’t know if people around him were changing, or if it was only him, but it felt good. He knew his relationship with Souma would be better from now on, even if slowly.

“I don’t know yet.” He confessed. “But I want to show her my gratitude.”

            Rei stared at him for a moment while they were walking towards his car this time, and once they were inside, he stated:

“I guess I’ll let Kotone tell you that.”

“Tell me what?”

“What Kotone Hakaze will say no matter what.”

“Huh?”

“You should know.”

            Kaoru frowned. Sometimes, he didn’t understand his friend, and he felt that it wouldn’t become better in the course of time.

 

“I’m back!”

“Welcome back, Teddy bear!”

            Kaoru smiled. Teddy bear. He was getting accustomed to it, and now it didn’t bother him at all. He put his bag on his room, took the present he bought, and went to the living room, where Kotone was reading a book, a little smile on her lips. Juri wouldn’t come back before 9pm, so he would take advantage of it to give his present.

“Hey,” he started, sitting beside her, “is your book so interesting that you don’t want to hug me?”

            Kotone looked at him, a smirk on her lips, and answered:

“What? Are you jealous, Teddy bear?”

“Maybe I am.”

“Sakuma-kun doesn’t give you enough love~?”

“Maybe he doesn’t.”

“I should talk about that with him, then~ I’ll give him some advices.”

“No, thanks.”

            Knowing his sister, it would become strange innuendoes and Rei would take advantage of it for teasing him. She closed her book, paying attention to keep her page, and she hugged him like she always did since they lived together.

“I have something for you.” He said and she blinked when she noticed the package in his hand.

“What is it?”

“Open it and you’ll know.”

            She squinted as if she tried to read in his mind, and opened the present slowly. She arched an eyebrow when she saw the black box with the name of a famous jewelry written on it, and when she finally opened it, her eyes opened wide.

“It’s… beautiful!” She exclaimed, taking the necklace in her hands.

            It was a little blue diamonds star that sparkled in the light, and Kaoru helped her to put it.

“What is it for?”

“To thank you?”

“Huh? What did I do?”

            He hugged her from behind, kissing her soft black hair, and whispered:

“You protected me all these years, more than I thought. I just… wanted to thank you for that. For having being here, and still be.”

“You’re an idiot, Kaoru Hakaze.” She finally muttered. “ I don’t need a necklace for that. Your smile, and your happiness, are enough for me, you know~?”

“Geez, let me spoil you sometimes.”

            Kotone laughed and turned back towards him to hug him once again, and thanking him. He noticed the tears on her cheeks, but didn’t talk about it. He just hoped that for once, he made her cry of joy.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Teddy bear.”

* * *

 

            Walking in the streets, Kaoru was forced to face his worst nightmare: pink at every shop, stating that Valentine’s Day was near and that, maybe, he should find something for his lover. Not that he wasn’t searching: it’s been day he was trying to find an idea, but the more he thought about it, the less he found it. So he decided to go to the city, doing shopping to see what he could offer him. Except that nothing appealed him more than that. He had thought about asking Rei directly, but he felt it wasn’t very Valentine’s Day, and he wanted to give him something by himself.

            Kaoru sighed, sat on a bench in a park, and took his head between his hands. What could he offer him? He thought about asking Kotone but she was busy herself with Juri’s present, so he didn’t want to stop her in what she was doing. It was bad for him, because he had an idea, but that would be for the second part of the evening they’ll spend together, and maybe not a good present. Sure, Rei would like him, but…

 _Am I taking the right decision? I want it, he wants it, so everything should be alright, but I’m… scared._ Once again, he sighed. He wanted to make love with Rei. He even dreamt about it, and he knew that they would do it soon enough. Valentine’s day was a good day for that, he thought, and he was ready. Or so he thought. At least, he tried to search how it worked, but it scared more than anything. He had thought about asking Rei himself, but it was a little bit embarrassing, and knowing Rei, he would talk for hours. And it would spoil the surprise, too.

“Hakaze-dono?”

            Kaoru startled and raised his head, faster than he thought he could do, to meet Souma’s beautiful purple eyes. _I’ve never noticed how beautiful his eyes were._ He felt stupid at this very moment, because Souma’s eyes were definitely something someone needed to write for, and also because it wasn’t the most important thing right now. He had a more urgent matter.

“Hello, Souma-kun.” He tried to stay calm.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You were holding your head as if you were in pain.”

            _Nah, I’m not in pain yet._

“No, don’t worry. I was only searching an idea for a present.”

“Valentine’s day?”

“Yeah.”

“I know the feeling.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t know what to offer to Adonis-dono either.”

“You even use the honorifics for your boyfriend, Souma-kun?”

“To be able to bear with me, he has all my respect.”

            That was a good reason, Kaoru thought.

“Can I be called Kaoru-dono, then?”

“No.”

“Ouch, that hurts.”

            Souma smirked, and it was really strange, so strange that Kaoru stayed agape for a moment, before shaking his head.

“Anyway…” He started and then, stared at the purple eyes.

            _… Wait… Maybe Souma can help me…? Maybe Adonis and Souma had already…?_ Wouldn’t it be tactless? Besides, Souma would probably kill him but… He needed to talk with someone, and Souma was maybe this person.

“Hey, Souma-kun, can I ask you a tactless question?”

“Should I be afraid?”

“A little bit.”

            Souma squinted, seeming to try to read Kaoru’s mind, and then nodded.

“Did Adonis and you… Well, you know…”

“No, I don’t know, Hakaze-dono. I can’t read your mind.”

“Well… Did you already sleep together?”

“Excuse-me?”

“And when I say sleep, I mean… making love.”

            A long silence followed, and Souma seemed frozen. _Oops, did I break him?_

“You have ten seconds to run.”

            _He lives!_

“Souma-kyun~”

“You’re such a disgrace! And I thought you were a better person! Leave at once before I slice you!”

“I wanted to ask if it hurts!”

“Excuse me!?” Souma looked so angry, and his face was so red that he could compete with tomatoes.

“I’m scared. I don’t know how it works and--”

“Shouldn’t you talk with Sakuma-senpai, then!?”

“It’s… embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing?” Souma parroted. “I don’t understand. Talking about that with your junior should be, not with your lover.”

            Kaoru blinked and was about to answer when Souma continued:

“In any case, you won’t have any answer from me. Ask your boyfriend. He’s the best placed to answer you. And besides, it’s _with him you’re going to do it,_ not with me. Talking with him will help both of you.”

            Kaoru opened his mouth, ready to complain or something like that, but the only that came was:

“You’re wise, Souma-kun. More than me.”

“Tch. I had to think about that myself and decided to talk with Adonis-dono, a long time ago.”

            Talking with his boyfriend… Rei told him he shouldn’t be ashamed, and that it was normal, but really, it was difficult because he was afraid of being judged. He was scared to be bad, especially knowing that Rei was more experienced. And it would spoil the surprise. _But wouldn’t it be spoiled if you don’t say a thing? What if you do something bad that could have been prevented with a little talk with Rei?_ A voice said in his mind and he closed his eyes. That voice was annoying, because it often took Kotone’s or Rei’s tone.

            He looked back at Souma, who was still read, and suddenly, an important information, something he had just said, reached his brain and Kaoru smirked.

“So, you really did it~?”

“Run!”

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /!\ There is a lemon in that chapter, so please, don't read if you don't like it /!\

“Rei, can we talk?”

            It probably wasn’t the best way to start a conversation, given Rei’s suspicious face, but the young man nodded, before saying:

“Should I fear it?”

“No.”

“You won’t tell me that you want to break up?”

“Why would I want to break up?”

“I don’t know. When someone asks for a talk, it’s generally bad.”

“No, it’s for a bad news or something else.” Kaoru shook his head. “I...have a question, actually.”

            This time, Rei tilted his head and offered him to sit beside him. Kaoru did it and started playing with his fingers; and his boyfriend noticed it because he put his hand on his and whispered that everything would be alright. He said no more, waiting patiently for the question that Kaoru didn’t know how to formulate properly. That, and the fact that he was a little bit shy about the subject. At home, they didn’t talk about that; he seemed that for his father, it was an evidence. And since he lived with Kotone, there had been innuendoes, but no more. Rei also did innuendoes, and more than that, he also watched movies, and if he hadn’t fallen asleep that night, Kaoru would have too.

“Kaoru, what’s the matter?”

            Rei’s worried voice was what finally gave him the strength to ask it.

“Does it hurt?” He eventually blurted.

            He lowered his eyes, waiting for a laugh or a teasing, but the only answer he got wasn’t what he had expecting.

“...What are you talking about?”

“You know what.”

“No? As much as I would like… and yet, I’m sure it wouldn’t be good, I still can’t read in your mind, Kaoru.”

            He raised his eyes and saw how Rei looked serious. He sighed. _Crap. I have to redo it._ But if he had done it once, he could do it twice, right?

“Does it hurt?” He repeated and added when he noticed the frown on his lover’s face. “Making love with a man, I mean.”

“Oh.”

            “Surprised” was the best word to describe Rei at this very moment, and if Kaoru hadn’t been that embarrassed, he would have taken a photo with his phone, just to commemorate this moment.

“Well…” The black-haired man started. “I won’t lie. It does, at the beginning, but you don’t feel it once you’re just a ball of pleasure.”

“I see… And hm… Does it hurt a lot?”

“It depends of your partner, and how he prepared you. And also of your mind, I guess. If you’re scared, you won’t be able to relax enough, and you’ll probably also focus more on the pain.”

“How not to be scared by that?”

“The first time, it’s normal, but after, you don’t really focus on it.”

“I see.”

            He didn’t really understand, actually, because he was sure he would be himself too focused on the pain, and it already gave him butterfly.

“Why do you ask that so suddenly?” Rei asked.

“Huh? Oh, err, like that. I was curious.” He couldn’t give him the true reason as it was a surprise. “Actually, I asked Souma-kun, but he told me it was better to ask you.”

            It probably wasn’t something to tell Rei because on this very moment, Kaoru thought he was about to die.

“Why did you ask Kanzaki-kun first?”

“Huh? Because it was… embarrassing.”

“Oh, so it’s less embarrassing to ask your junior than your own boyfriend?”

“He told me that too, yeah…”

“Kaoru.”

“Hey, listen, sorry, okay? I… I didn’t know how to ask, and I’m ashamed.”

“Why are you ashamed?”

“Because I know nothing.”

“Yeah and? Why is it a shame? I didn’t know a thing before too, and I’ve never been ashamed for that.”

“You knew.”

“Just a little bit, and I had nobody to comfort me about that.”

            Kaoru avoided his look. He was right. Rei had probably be more alone than him at this moment. Even if he had Wataru with him. _Huh? Does that mean that…? Urgh, no, I don’t want to think about it._ Thinking about his boyfriend was pleasant, but imagining him with his ex was horrible, and if he hadn’t been a pacific man, he would have cut Wataru’s throat. _He had done nothing wrong. If Rei had loved him, it’s because he’s a good man._ It hurt him to confess it, but he had nothing against Wataru to begin with. Why would he be jealous of a former relationship he hadn’t known before months ago?

“Kaoru?”

“Hm, yes?”

“Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Do you want to spend the day with me?”

“Actually, I intended to spend the weekend with you.”

“Oh?”

“I wanted to take advantage of the fact that Kotone and Juri are going to Kyoko starting tonight.”

“You could have warned me, idiot~”

“It was a surprise. Your parents would have to put your bag out of the house for you to come over, but you destroyed everything. Vampire!”

            Rei laughed and Kaoru couldn’t help but smile. Spending the whole weekend with him. More than that, the next night, they would probably… He blushed and mumbled something that seemed to be a “I have club activities!” before leaving the Light Music club, not letting his boyfriend to react. He closed the door, harsher than he intended, and sighed. His heart was beating so fast that he was afraid it broke his chest. _Great. If it starts like that, how will it be tomorrow…?_

  


            The day had been fun and they had done things like every couple would on Valentine’s day. They went to the restaurant, then the cinema, and before going back home, they walked in the shopping streets. It was cliché, Kaoru thought, but he enjoyed it and for a long moment, he had forgotten about the night they would spend.

            Rei offered him clothes, and Kaoru offered his lover new headphones, a thing that Rei needed a lot. Apparently, since he had broken his days ago, he was listening to his music without it and it pissed off Ritsu. Kaoru wouldn’t be astonished if the black-haired man told him he did on purpose, just to annoy his little brother.

            Now they were lying on his bed after having had their dinner and their shower. They barely talked, enjoying a calm moment in each other’s arms. Kaoru was pondering if he should be the one doing the first step, or if should just tell Rei he wanted to be more intimate with him, but he was afraid to change his mind at the worst time possible because of fears. _Stop thinking and do,_ Rei’s voice echoed in his mind. That was right. He shouldn’t think too much, besides, he knew that Rei wouldn’t be a monster with him if he suddenly felt it wasn’t the good time.

            So he kissed his boyfriend, softly first, and then more savagely, as if he was hungry. If Rei had been surprised, he didn’t show it and answered the kiss the same way, maybe a little bit less hungry than Kaoru. Kaoru’s hand went under Rei’s top, rubbing his back, feeling his body shivering at the contact.

“I thought for a moment you wanted to eat me.” Rei laughed once they broke the kiss.

“I don’t want to eat you, I want to be eaten.”

            Rei blinked and so did Kaoru. _Did I really say that aloud? Oh well…_

“Are you sure?”

“For now, yes?”

“For now…” Rei repeated. “I see.”

“Just… Don’t be angry if I suddenly… Well…”

“Kaoru.” Rei took his head between his hands and looked at him straightly. “Who do you think I am? A monster?”

“You always say that you’re a vampire.”

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t mean I’m a bad vampire who will force you to do things you don’t want.”

            Kaoru nodded. He knew it.  He knew that Rei wouldn’t force him, and he knew it would be a lovely and intimate moment.

“I love you…” He whispered just before Rei kissed him.

            And starting from this moment, things were done one after another, so quickly that Kaoru didn’t know how they went from fully closed to half-naked. It wasn’t bad, because he loved to have Rei’s warm skin stuck against him. It was the heat he needed for years, now, he understood, and he loved it so much that he didn’t want to get rid of it.

He sighed of pleasure when Rei’s lips kissed his neck. He tilted his head while Rei’s lips were drawing a line on his torso, and his long and slender fingers removed his belt and then his jeans. Kaoru felt the cold air on his legs, soon replaced by the warmth of Rei’s fingers. He shivered at the sensation and he heard Rei chuckle. He felt a movement from his boyfriend and soon, the black-haired boy was once again on top of him, this time without his trousers either.

“I wanted to remove it myself.”

“You’re too long, Kaoru.”

“You’re the one too fast.”

“Eh? You’ll like that~”

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll be disappointed.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll work hard to please you.”

            Rei’s smirk was proof enough of the innuendo, and Kaoru rolled his eyes, unable to hide the slight blush on his cheeks. Once again, Rei chuckled and kissed him, before whispering:

“You’re so handsome, Kaoru.”

“Not as much as you.”

            Forehead against forehead, Kaoru closed his eyes, trying to calm down the beats of his heart. He thought that it would explode before the end of the night, if not now.

“If you don’t want, we can stop.”

            Rei’s voice was soft and gentle, and Kaoru bit his lips to stop himself kissing him.

“It’s fine.”

“You’re sure.”

“Yes. I want to make love with you, Rei.” He answered, opening his eyes and staring straight at his lover.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Kaoru smiled softly and then stated: “You’re such a kind person, Rei.”

“On the contrary, I am but an ordinary person. I can be as savage as kind, or crazy, or quiet, or strange. With the one I love, I’m doing everything to make him happy.”

            Kaoru blinked, surprised by the sudden statement, before chuckling.

“Idiot. Show me your savage side, and your crazy’s one, or even the quiet.”

“Eh, not sure you’ll like it~”

“I won’t like it, I’ll love it.” Kaoru corrected, and he couldn’t believe he had said something so cheesy to Rei.

            But he didn’t regret it, especially when the raven man kissed him, softly and then savagely, as if there was no tomorrow. Maybe there wouldn’t, and Kaoru didn’t care at all. As long as he could spend it with Rei, nothing was important.

            Rei’s fingers went through his blond locks, while Kaoru’s just caught his lover’s pants, getting rid of it slowly. The next kiss marked the moment they were both naked, warm skin against warm skin, moans coming from their throats under the sensation. Rei moaned when Kaoru touched his cock, and kissed him once again as if he wanted to deaden the sound, making Kaoru smiled. The blond, eyes closed, taking advantage of all the sensations he felt, enjoying everything, noticing Rei’s odor, and taste, and moves ; nd when one of their hands were released to let UNDEAD’s leader doing something, he knew that it would happen soon. _Calm down, everything will be alright. It’s Rei, and you want it. More than you thought months ago._

He took care of the sounds he heard, and then of the cold sensation at his ass, knowing that Rei’s finger was about to enter. And when it did, Kaoru felt a lot of emotions and couldn’t say properly which one was the strongest. For sure, it wasn’t unpleasant, but it was also strange, and he bit his lips. A lot of questions ran through his mind: would it be alright? Would he get accustomed? How would it when it wouldn’t be Rei’s fingers?

“Are you alright?”

“I guess?”

“You guess?”

“It’s… strange? I mean, it’s not every day that I have your finger here.”

“It could be, though.”

“We’ll talk about that later.”

            Every day? He wasn’t sure he could handle that every day. Not now, at least. He heard Rei chuckle, and his boyfriend kissed his forehead softly, while starting moving his finger. At first, it had been uncomfortable, but Rei’s lovely and comforting words, and kissed everywhere on his body, made him feel better. And when there were the second and third finger, he even started to moan, at his big surprise. He heard Rei muttering a “shit”, and he didn’t have the time to ask what was happening as his lover just kissed him savagely, as if there were no tomorrow. He heard a noise of plastic - probably Rei opening the condom bag - and he closed his eyes. It was useless to try calming his heart’s beats, he knew it.

“Kaoru, look at me.”

            The blond young man opened his eyes and stared straight at Rei. His boyfriend was quiet for a moment, until he sighed and whispered:

“If you don’t want--”

“Come on, I won’t stop here.”

“Kaoru.”

“I’m nervous, yes, but it’s normal, isn’t it? Don’t worry for me.”

            Rei didn’t seem convinced at all but he kissed him nevertheless, intertwining one of their hands together, the other one on Kaoru’s cock, starting rubbing it. _Huh... ? Why is he…? I’m hard enough, right?_

“Focus on the pleasure you feel right now.”

“Why?”

“Just focus.”

“... It’s not comforting, you know?”

            Rei did a sorry smile and Kaoru suddenly understood why he asked to focus on what felt good. His heart started beating stronger, so much that he thought that Rei could hear it. He closed his eyes once again, and focused on the pleasure he felt, and the desire that kept growing, like a hungry animal. And when Rei finally entered him, Kaoru understood why his boyfriend was so worried, and why he had to focus on his hand. _Fuck._ He squeezed Rei’s fingers, while his other hand went on his shoulder, and his nails scratched the white skin.

            Rei’s voice called his name, saying love’s words, trying to calm him down, to appease him. Kaoru tried to focus more on the hand on his cock, but it was way more difficult than before, and he was having a tear in his eye. _Haha, no, don’t cry, no need to worry Rei more._

“Kaoru.”

            He opened his eyes and when he saw Rei’s worried face, he blinked. _Ah. Yes, of course._

“It’s fine.”

“You don’t seem fine at all.”

“I need… time to adjust, I guess.”

“I did it wrong? I didn’t prepare you properly.”

“Don’t say stupid thing, idiot. I’m the one at fault for being so stressed, to begin with.” Rei arched an eyebrow, not convinced. “Really, let me a little time and it will be better.”

            He wasn’t lying, he really thought it would be better once accustomed. He didn’t want to stop here now. It wouldn’t be fair for Rei, but also for himself. He really wanted to make love with that man, even if it meant he would walk like a duck the next day.

            Rei was about to say something, but Kaoru was faster and he kissed him, shutting him. He slipped his tongue into Rei’s mouth, and he shivered because of the moves on his cock. He moaned, soon followed by Rei, and when the pain faded enough, he moved his hips, not breaking their kiss. And Rei started moving, and the pleasure started growing and soon enough, they were both lost into lust and pleasure, moaning and screaming out each other’s name, feeling and tasting each others’ warm skins. Their bodies were on fire, so much that Kaoru thought that the love he felt for Rei at this very moment would burn everything around them. And it almost did, he thought, when he reached his climax first, and when Rei reached his too after a few more thrusts.

            Blond locks stucks on his face, his eyes were blinded by Rei’s sudden beauty, the sweat pouring on his now red face, the black hair tousled, his lips half apart. He looked like one of those gods they often heard about, the greek ones, and he couldn’t believe that Rei was _his_ god.

“I love you.” He whispered once his breath was better. “I love you so much…!”

“Impossible.” Rei’s answer was, and it surprised Kaoru. “You can love me as much as I love you, Kaoru.”

            Rei smiled, soon followed by Kaoru, and they started laughing before hugging each other.

 


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey~ This is the epilogue of Who I am. I posted it at the same time that chapter 12, so please, don't forget to read it if you haven't yet :3 (but take care, there's a lemon... I'll never repeat it enough: don't read if you don't like that ^^")

“Theeere! It’s the last one~”

            Kotone’s sing song voice made Kaoru smile. He helped her with the last box, putting it on another one that was there since the day before. Kaoru sat on the sofa, a purple one they bought with Rei (Kaoru didn’t really like it but Rei really wanted this one), and Kotone let herself fall on his kneels.

“Thank you for your help today, big sis.”

“Juri wanted to help too, but she’s busy at work today.”

“Same goes for Rei. He has a photoshoot today.”

“Look at us, abandoned by our lovers.”

“Well, we weren’t there yesterday for the same reason, you know?”

            Kotone pulled a face and Kaoru laughed. She hit him on the shoulder before standing up, and looking around. Then, she sighed, and stated:

“I can’t believe you’re old enough to live with your boyfriend now. I still think you have six years old.”

“Six years old? I thought it was less.”

“Yeah you’re right. You have three years old.”

            Kaoru raised his eyes and stood up, hugging his sister.

“Thank you for everything. If you haven’t been there, I wouldn’t be here today.” Then, noticing it could be taken in the wrong way, he added: “Here, moving with my boyfriend, I mean. I could have been lost somewhere else, or maybe still under the old man’s hold.”

“For once, I’m helpful!”

“You’re always helpful, Kotone. You’re the most caring person I know, and I’m really proud to be your brother~”

            Kotone smiled proudly and messed his blond hair, before kissing him in his forehead. They stayed like that for a moment, quiet, enjoying the silence around them.

“I wish they could see how happy we are right now.” Kotone suddenly stated, and she didn’t to name the people she was talking about.

“Nah, they wouldn’t even understand. Maybe Joji, and yet… I’m not sure.”

            They sighed at the same time, and it made them laugh. Their father, and their brother, would never understand their happiness. It was a pity, but it was like that, and they both were resigned to never see them again. It didn’t bother Kaoru, actually. They had tried a lot of time since their departure, but it seemed their father decided they didn’t exist. It hurt them, at first, but after three years, it wasn’t a problem anymore.

            They were happy in their new life, near their beloved one, and if someone wanted to destroy their happiness, then, they would need a lot of courage.

            Because they would fight, no matter what.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here, Who I am is finished! 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. It had been difficult on some points, but it was really a pleasure to write it!   
> Thank you for all your kudos and comments, it makes me super happy to know that this story has been loved, and it encouraged me a lot!


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